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07.02.08, 09:08 AM General Topics
82 replies
Okay read the post and responses of the 46 y/o ttc. If this is too old to have a baby than how old is the oldest that it's okay to have a baby? Just wondering about your opinions. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 09:08 AM Flag
 

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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:09 AM Flag
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age is relative. I think people's health and attitude is more important. but that 63 year old was too old, i guess. 46 is not. plus she probably has enough money to get help with the kid, which makes a difference when you don't have a lot of energy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:11 AM Flag
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but she sounds so ENTITLED like all she wants is the perfect accessory to go with her fabulous life. People like that should not have children [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:13 AM Flag
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Why does she sound entitled? Because she was able to save butloads of money? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:15 AM Flag
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no, because she has waited and is relying on science to keep up with her so she can have a baby whenever it is convenient for her. That is selfish, pure and simple [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:17 AM Flag
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Again, you don't know that they waited. I think relying on the science is a little niave, though. IVF is hellish and usually a last-resort. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:19 AM Flag
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She SAID she is relying on science and they waited because they were working on their careers (I know many doing this but they have kids in their 30s) and so they could travel and become worldly (what, you can't travel with a kid? or leave them with family? shocking!) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:21 AM Flag
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np why do you care so much how she lives her life? How does this effect you in any way? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:23 AM Flag
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I have been through this as the only child of old parents, I'm just hoping that another person won't make the mistake my parents did (who conceived me naturally and "by mistake" fwiw) and ruin their child's life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:25 AM Flag
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wow. your parents ruined your life b/c they were older when they had you? that's pretty incredible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:27 AM Flag
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You parents ruined your life? How unusual. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:28 AM Flag
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My dad died when I was 19, which was very very traumatic. My mom is now 70 and having to come live with myself and my dh and db because she can no longer cope. I am 26. Yes, it has in many ways ruined my life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:28 AM Flag
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look - life happens. Bad things happen. I'm sorry you are having a hard time but things happen to younger people too. I lost my son to a heart defect. That was hard but I refuse to let it ruin my life. Get some help in dealing with what life has dished out but it doesn't have to ruin anything [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:30 AM Flag
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I have plenty of help, thanks. However, the op of that other thread is just setting herself up for a lifetime of selfishness and condemning a child to have to deal with being the "perfect" kid for them. Yes, life happens, but trying to "orchestrate" it the way this woman is is completely crazy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:32 AM Flag
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how did they "ruin" your life? They gave you life. If they had not had an accident or had decided to terminate, you would nto be here. You would not have had anychance of life. Don't blame them because you are lame [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:27 AM Flag
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I am not blaming them, they were fantastic parents, but then they got old and things because very difficult. I was not able to go away to college because my dad was sick, now I am faced with taking care of my ailing mother in addition to a new baby and I am only in my mid20s [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:29 AM Flag
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I answered you above and yes that would be ahrd. But life is often hard for many reasons. This will not ruin your life (whatever that means) unless you let it. My Dad died young (55) from Parkinsons. That was tough and who could foresee that? No one. It's no one's fault. It happens regardless of age. Sorry things are hard but you can get through this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:32 AM Flag
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Of course I can get through it, I have been my entire life. It doesn't make it easy or fun or enjoyable, and if I could have had younger parents who remained healthier longer I would have loved to [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:33 AM Flag
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np: health is not guranteed no matter how hard you work at it..and no matter what age you are. PLEASE GROW UP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:50 AM Flag
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do you know how NAIVE AND IMMATURE YOU SOUND? They got old? So freaking what. PPL age..but also ppl get sick at all ages. You could have a dc in your 20's and die in 2 yrs..or you could get into a horrible accident and be paralized at 26yrold. Or you can get into that accident at 26yr and DIE..then what? Should your kids blame you for ruining their life because you died young? Get some yrs under your belt and when you mature more, you will see how ignorant you sound now [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:48 AM Flag
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This is why Mother Nature, in Her infinite wisdom, made it extremely hard if not impossible to conceive after age 40. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:14 AM Flag
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NP LOL! ANd mother nature made it so we would all be dead by 45 too. Would you prefer living "naturally"? Somehow I doubt it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:21 AM Flag
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Where do you get that idea? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:25 AM Flag
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from history. The avg lifespan has nearly doubled in the last century. We have better health care, better and more reliable food, better places to live now which all contribute to a longer lifespan. Most of this is due to advances in science. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:26 AM Flag
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Not really. Advances in awareness, maybe. You give science too much credit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:33 AM Flag
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so tell me - how does "awareness" increase life span? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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Um ... not eating lard by the spoonful? Getting more exercise? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:41 AM Flag
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np-those things have increased life expectancy, but the main reason the average has gone up is because infant mortality has decreased. in the past, many children died in infancy, which brought the average way down. if you take a walk through a graveyard from the 1700s or 1800s, you'll see many graves of infants, and many of people in their 70s and 80s. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:46 AM Flag
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One of the main things to increase life expectancy is that women no longer die routinely in childbirth. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:56 AM Flag
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and babies rarely die as well, at least, in developed countries [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:58 AM Flag
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np-which is partially due to the fact that women no longer pump out a baby every year from the time they hit puberty. my grandfather went through 2 wives this way before marrying my grandmother. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:59 AM Flag
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np: Same with my great-grandfather. My grandfather was one of 9 children by 3 wives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:50 PM Flag
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the average lifespan has nearly doubled because the infant mortality rate has decreased, not because people are living twice as long. duh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:36 AM Flag
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This is just ignorant. For someone women it is hard, but many people I know--myself included--conceived after 40 with no intervention and no problems. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:26 AM Flag
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Fine. Then you were meant to have a child. You're obviously healthy and strong. But if you need scientific intervention, you are NOT healthy and strong. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:27 AM Flag
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nnp You are a troll and an ignorant one at that. So we aren't supposed to use advances in healthcare and exercise options because of what is "meant" to happen by some airy fairy idea of mother nature? Get a grip woman! Most of our lives now is not lived in accordance with nature! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:29 AM Flag
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NP: Please. I needed intervention at 32--I'm both healthy and strong, just infertile. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:32 AM Flag
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Infertility is God's way of controlling the population. Duh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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what an awful response [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 10:02 AM Flag
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Right. And cancer? And stroke? And other illness? Would you say that to someone suffering from those diseases or are you just mean to infertile people? Wonder what your God would say about that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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np: Call us when you need medication for cancer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:52 PM Flag
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My mother had me at 42 all on her own (with the help of my father of course!). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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Mine too! And I had dd at 40... *And* "Grandma" is still healthy and active at 83 :-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:46 PM Flag
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I think at least 47, since that is when I had my last db (unplanned). We weren't TTC but we were thrilled to have another child. dh and I are both in good health (he's 5 years younger than I am). There are surely disadvantage to having/being older parents (I didn't see the other post but I imagine that was discussed), but there is no way I would have terminated a healthy pregnancy just b/c I was 46 instead of 26. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:14 AM Flag
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but conceiving your last baby naturally and "waiting" until your life is perfect and then relying on IVF to conceive are VERY different things [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:14 AM Flag
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She didn't say they waited. She said they are finally ready. They may have been only married for two years, for all you know. It takes a long time to find a good partner. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:17 AM Flag
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no, she said they spent their lives traveling and getting "worldly" and never indicated that she has only recently married etc. Sounds like they've been married a while from her posts [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:18 AM Flag
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If you can't get your act together by age 30, you're not a good candidate for parenting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:19 AM Flag
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That's just lame. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:20 AM Flag
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I don't agree with that (I am a 26yo mom with older parents) but I think the idea of waiting and relying on science is wrong. I think people who are in their mid30s should be able to make a decision about having kids or not, and then go from there, start having them at that age. Waiting longer is just being selfish [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:20 AM Flag
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OR: I would have loved to have had my dcs while in my 30s. Sadly, I didn't meet dh till I was 41. I considered (before that) trying to have kids on my own but decided against it. I have no regrets, even if it means my dcs will have "older" parents; there are worse things (e.g., alcoholic parents, abusive parents, no parents) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:26 AM Flag
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Well, that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:28 AM Flag
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^^^"no parents" thing will certainly happen for YOUR children much, much sooner than later. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:29 AM Flag
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possibly. although unless you are arranging for us to have an "accident", you have no idea how much longer my dh and I will live. nor do you have any idea how much longer you will live -- accidents happen, so does illness, at any time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:38 AM Flag
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True. But statistically and chronologically, you and your DH are a hell of a lot closer to judgement Day than most. And that is what would put your child at a disadvantage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:44 AM Flag
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I guess it's a disadvantage. My mother is still alive and healthy (plays tennis and golf and performs several times a week) but she lives far away, so we never see her; while I guess it's an "advantage" that I don't have to care for her, I don't really see the fact that she had me in her 20s as a big plus in my life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:54 AM Flag
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My father died when I was in college, and it was very hard, but I have to say, I think it might be easier in the long run than having your parents die when you are older. Equally, I think looking after an aging parent is hard when you are in your twenties, but I also see how much it takes after my mother--now in her 60s--looking after her mother (who had children young). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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of course you think this way..you're 26yr old. Wait until you are in your 30's and you will see how you were still a kid in your 20's..still immature in many ways. Your 30's is a wake up call and you mature then..20's is still a learning period. You responses throughout this entire thread are immature and ignorant. I don't blame you entirely because of your age but I've been your age..and realized I was wrong with so many comments back then [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:53 AM Flag
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that's harsh. i had my act relatively together by 30, but didn't TTC until 36. which was the right time for us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:21 AM Flag
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And many people don't start until then. People are weird. We had our first (and only) at 30, but were not necessarily as ready as we would have like, but I had some gyn problems that precluded waiting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:23 AM Flag
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Same for me, though I was 39. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:13 PM Flag
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oh my goodness, please tell me you're joking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:26 AM Flag
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I had my first at 35, and my second at 37. I'm a much better parent now than I would have been earlier. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:32 AM Flag
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No, she said they'd been married 18 years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 10:05 AM Flag
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I'm not saying you should have terminated a healthy pregnancy. I'm saying that if you have to turn your body into a science project in order to conceive, Mother Nature is telling you something. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:16 AM Flag
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ITTA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:17 AM Flag
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I think it is individual. And I disagree with above poster about energy that is also very individual. I know many mothers in their 20s and 30s that have little and three of the women at my dc's preK who have the most energy are all in their 40s. I do think that 63 is too old. I think if your eggs are viable then it is not too old for you. Just a few generations ago, when people had more children, many women naturally had last babies into their 40s. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:16 AM Flag
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I meant, IF she doesn't have a lot of energy. That's why I said that it is individual. I'm 36 and I don [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:23 AM Flag
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't have oodles of energy. If she's 46 and she does, then I don't see what the problem is. Yes, she'll have a 14-year-old when she's 60. But my mom is 66 and she could probably could have handled a teenager quite well in the past few years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:24 AM Flag
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Again, it's not about the MOM. Having a 14-year-old when you're 60 is one thing. Having an ailing 70-year-old mom when you're 26 is quite another. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:35 AM Flag
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26yo daughter here - EXACTLY [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:36 AM Flag
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np: You really need to get the self-pity chip off your shoulder. You could have had a young mother who died early for heaven's sake. Or a young mother who was sooo damned immature she made horrific parenting decisions throughout your life, like I did. Seriously. Get some perspective. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:56 AM Flag
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I have plenty of perspective and very little self pity. What do you know about me to make those judgements? I posted that I had great parents but losing them at a young age is not easy on anyone. Clearly you have no idea what such an experience is like. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:59 AM Flag
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np or: And you clearly have no idea what the experience of having immature parents is like. I do. But does that mean that I think that young people should never become parents? No. Of course not. You are looking at this through a very self-focused lens. You are extremely lucky to have had "great" parents. But instead of being thankful for that, you are - on this thread at least - condemning all older parents as selfish and thoughtless because of your experience with the reality of mortality. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 10:11 AM Flag
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I'm sorry you had immature parents, but you are also looking at this from one angle. My condemnation of this woman isn't as much because she is old as because she sounds selfish and not ready for the realities of parenting. There is so much more to it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 10:15 AM Flag
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np or: well, if she is selfish and not ready, then we are in complete and total agreement no matter what her age ;-) in my mind, children are either the center of your life. or they're not. i am sorry your mother is ill and recognize that it must be painful and scary. i don't know that we are ever ready to lose our mothers (even when they weren't very good ones to begin with). best wishes to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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same to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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Life isn't always linear. children come into peoples lives in all sorts of ways at all sorts of ages. You live the life you are delt and support those around you in their efforts to do the same. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:35 AM Flag
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ITTTA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:41 AM Flag
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early 30's [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:58 AM Flag
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Would love to know if any of the quick-to-judge above posters actually had any trouble getting pregnant themselves, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 01:16 AM Flag
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np: I bet not. There is one who says infertility is God's way of thinning the herd. She didn't respond when I told her to call us when she needed cancer medicine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:58 AM Flag
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