UrbanBaby

07.01.08, 20:56 PM Expecting
20 replies

my 15yo dd came out as a lesbian to me, i've always been open-minded, but i have to say i was completely shocked by this and i even wonder if this is just a phase bc she is so young. i feel awful even thinking of it as a phase and while i didn't tell her any of this and i support her, i still don't know what the next step is. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Expecting 07.01.08, 08:56 PM Flag

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

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Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

Is your kid sexually active or is this an emotional revelation she's chosen to share with you? It would be concerning to me if my 15 y/o was sexually active-with anyone of any gender. At 15 I was convinced I'd grow old with a hot, older woman and we'd adopt at least one child. I'd only groped and kissed girls but had real pining crushes on others. The place and time were long ago(I'm 45)and there was a much less open atmosphere among youth culture, [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.01.08, 09:15 PM Flag

in terms of being gay-esp if you were a girl. I look around today and am amazed at the overall acceptance of gay youth culture and sense of community. 15 is so experimental, exploratory and a time of huge realization that we'll be able to interpret and identify ourselves through our choices. Your kid may be a lesbian or not but she sounds like she has chosen to bring some important self-realization to you. How cool for you Mom. Don't rush to help her define it; hang in there and keep being someone safe and loving with whom she can share, [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.01.08, 09:21 PM Flag

feel loved by and come to with her truths. What's next is-get the facts on her sexual activity, as much as you can. She's only 15! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.01.08, 09:24 PM Flag

i've tried to get as much info as i could, but she doesn't want to get into much detail, she has said that have done a lot more other than just kissing and pretty much lead me to believe they are having sex [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.01.08, 09:29 PM Flag

It's two GIRLS for god's sake -- how serious could the sex be?? It's not like there's any danger of her getting pregnant. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.12.09, 05:25 AM Flag

i am under the impression that she is sexually active, after she talked to dh and i, i took her out for a bit to have some girl talk and she told me she is now in a relationship with a longtime girlfriend, and she has said she had a couple others - she told me that she and her girlfriend have kissed and done things but she didnt want to get into great detail about it [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.01.08, 09:26 PM Flag

It's very trendy to be gay amongst teens. very. Go with the flow. If you fight it, it will only be trouble. Talk to her about safe lesbian sex. Get her a book or something. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.01.08, 09:32 PM Flag

i'm not fighting it, if she is a lesbian then i am compeltely on board, it was jsut a shocker when she sat us down - i honestly thought she was going to tell me she was pregnant [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.01.08, 09:34 PM Flag

very trendy to come out to parents & compare notes. get her a copy of "on our backs" [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.01.08, 09:44 PM Flag

Well, i completely agree that it may seem 'trendy' but it may be a lot of things-including that she's a lesbian. I mostly agree that the most important aspect of this is, your 15 yr old is having sex. You need to deal with that as being of primary importance; Safe sex is a nearly oxymoronic term when discussing the level of emotional immaturity at her age. You're her parent and I assume you try to set the parameters of what is acceptable behavior; are you ok w/her being sexually active? Were you unaware that she has had a 'long-term girlfriend'? Do you know her friends or spend time with them? It's pretty tricky stuff, as teens-particularly girls- can more easily project a false maturity. Get yourself some conferral w/ a therapist, so you can move ahead as her Mom-not her 'accepting Buddy". There is a danger of assuming that being a sexually active lesbian teen is somehow safer than being sexually active w/ the opposite sex. Kids think crazy stuff and she's a kid; her partners are likely, also young. and [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.01.08, 09:52 PM Flag

you'll need some objective help to maintain connection with your position as her mother and not her 'cool with it Buddy'. Good luck to you both. The second toddlerhood- adolescence-is so rife with change; she still needs you to set some limits and help her navigate her impending independence. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.01.08, 09:59 PM Flag

There's no safer sex than dyke sex, hon. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.12.09, 05:20 AM Flag

Please please please listen to her.... whether it is or is not a phase is not important. If it is in a couple of years she'll come home with a boyfriend and that will be that. If it is not a phase a negative reaction from you could do permanent damage not only to the relationship between you and her but also to her. Over 90% of gay youth attempt suicide at some point and over 60% of the homeless population in America that is under the age of 25 is gay and is homeless because their families turn them away. I came out at 15 and was reasonably fortunate to have semi accepting parents. I know many who were not so lucky. I don't think you should feel guilty for thinking this is a phase though, she is very young. Jst don't tell her you think it. Just listen, guide her morally (encourage responsible sexual behavior or abstinence depending on your values), educate her, go with her to a pride event or a pflag meeting (actions speak louder then words) just love her like you always have! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.12.09, 05:19 AM Flag

LOL. Gay Uncle here. It's NEVER a "phase". LOLOLOL. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.12.09, 05:21 AM Flag

ITA! DH here. On the "down low". My "gay phase" started when I was 12. I'm still going through it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.12.09, 05:24 AM Flag

why are you posting to a thread that is 6 months old??? do you really think OP is still here, checking for more responses? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.12.09, 05:26 AM Flag

Um ... hard to tell how old the thread is, but since it's at the top of the que I thought it was new. Chill out, sister. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.12.09, 05:27 AM Flag

I just don't understand who/why these old threads get resurrected and it's part of what makes the new UB suck [ Reply | More

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General Topics 01.12.09, 05:43 AM Flag

YOU suck. [ Reply | More