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07.01.08, 19:22 PM General Topics
30 replies
i told my son that " i can't believe i raised such a spoiled brat and sometimes i wish you weren't my child" He is only 8 and I know I hurt him deeply. How can I live with saying such terrible things? He will probably remember that for the rest of his life. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.01.08, 07:22 PM Flag
 

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Wow. I hope you apologized to him. What brought that on? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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I did apologize to him. But down deep I really feel that way sometimes. He is a very difficult self centered child and can be very frustrating day in and day out. He is an outcast with his friends because of it and it stressful to for him as well as me to always be dealing with that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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can you give some examples, because I just can't imagine feeling that way. I mean, I get frustrated as hell with each of my kids at times, but not to that point. i think you need to seek counseling to learn how to parent better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.08, 07:33 PM Flag
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i know it is hard to imagine. i have another one and it is a completely different story. my 8 year old is in social skills group and has needed social intervention almost from the beginning. He is very impulsive and has great difficulty in [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.08, 07:38 PM Flag
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being empathetic to others. he cannot see things from another's point of view. He is highly intelligent on an intellectual level and extremely immature on an emotional level. He is always defiant and oppisitional. I honestly think it would be difficult for any parent to handle. But i only make it worse by venting to him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.08, 07:41 PM Flag
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I hate to say it but I feel the same way about my 4yo at times, and have only just managed to avoid saying things like that to her. It's very hard, and you have my sympathy; all you can do is try your best, and some days your best will be better than others. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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thank you. i just keep imagining him as a man in therapy blaming his life on me and the things i said. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.08, 07:35 PM Flag
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well, yeah. of course! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.08, 07:40 PM Flag
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it sounds like you could all benefit from some family therapy. your son does sound like an incredible challege and you could use professional help. you've had him evaluated, right? perhaps there are further resources in your area to help you and him. good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.08, 07:48 PM Flag
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i do go to family counseling, he has been evaluated...the works. but still the facts remain the same and it is grueling day in and day out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.08, 07:51 PM Flag
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this post has stuck with me and bothered me since last night. if you are in family therapy, it is not enough. i can not think of a worse thing to say to your own child. have you seen an attachment specialist? Because from what you write here both of you seem to have an attachment disorder. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:40 AM Flag
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what is an attachment therapist? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:43 PM Flag
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You've got to cut that out. That kind of statement really stays with a child. Take a deep breath and control what comes out of your mouth. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:07 PM Flag
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of course you are absolutely right. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:20 PM Flag
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couple of issues here and i really feel for you. but it's important for you to separate your child's behavior from your own sense of accomplishment. you are taking his behaviors personally, as if they are being done to you or they somehow reflect on you. that's very dangerous thinking for a parent. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:13 PM Flag
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i think you are partially right. it is certainly more difficult when we are in a social setting and other parents are around. I become extremely embarrassed and imagine other parents judging him as well as me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:18 PM Flag
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i think you need to be very honest with yourself. i think that that's a bigger problem here than the fact that you lost it a little and said things to your ds that you shouldn't have. I also know from my own experience that the worst times i've had with my dcs were teh times when i was taking their behavior personally. either as a reflection of my parenting or that they owed me better behavior than they were showing. once i was able to take my own ego out of the picture, i was better able to deal with (or at least accept) their behavior. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:21 PM Flag
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but that is very hard to do when I see him sabotaging the relationships he is trying to make by acting in a selfish and aggressive manner. It seems so simple and obvious to me and yet he just doesn't get it. It is so awkward for me at school, camp ect. Parents judge, teachers are perplexed and i don't think he will ever get it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:25 PM Flag
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and of course it's awful for him and he is in a lot of pain because of his alienation from others. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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it sounds like a hard situation. do you think it's a kind of asperger's behavior? i'm not trying to diagnose him but i'm trying ot think of places where you might get tips for how to help him. and not to beat a dead horse here, but remember that it's really two separate issues: he has his problems, but your feelings about his problems are something you need to address with yourself. good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:34 PM Flag
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Thank you for your thoughts. I think you are very observant and get right to the point. He does have asperger like qualities. He lives in the grey zone of these types of labels but a neuropsych has diagnosed tendencies consistent with aspergers, non verbal learning disorder and impulsivity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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have you seen any therapists? the behavioral therapists that work with these kids are fantastic. it might pay for you to hire one, even on a one time basis to give you some tips. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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i have and continue to see one and so does he. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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it's hard. parenting is frustrating even when dcs don't have special issues. don't beat yourself up about it. good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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thanks for listening and for your advise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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my dad once told me something similar and i never, ever, ever again liked him anymore. i am ok with him being my dad and love him, but have huge issues with him. not sure what you can do to undo this... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:28 PM Flag
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how old were you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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very young, don't remember exactly, maybe around 7 or younger? sometime after i started school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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what kind of issues do you have with him. did he continously abuse you verbally or was this just a one time thing? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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sorry, have to go now, but will watch this and maybe try to answer tomorrow. it wasn't continuous, but it wasn't just one time either. i really didn't use to like him. now when i am older, i understand that it is actually him who has issues with his self-esteem. good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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