< Return to Talk
07.01.08, 13:09 PM General Topics
30 replies
My single friends have almost disappeared since I had my db and it's been really sad for me but I have made friends with people with kids. Now one single friend is having a party for july 4th as are some of my mom friends who have been there for me. i feel like if i don't go to the single friends house the friendship will contuinue to falter but i'd kinda rather go to the party of the people who have been there for me through this stressful time (single mom with a 7mo). WWYD? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:09 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
Go where you'll be happier & more comfortable. You should cultivate relationships with the people in your life that are there for you & support you. It sounds like that's your "new" friends. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:11 PM Flag
»
Go to the party which you RSVPd first. You know, maybe your single friends feel you have lost interest in them since you became a mom. Might work both ways. People who don't have babies do not know how stressful and/ or isolating it can be. Maybe they feel you seem to have moved on from them. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:13 PM Flag
»
Did your friends really disappear or did you disappear from your friends? I was in a similar situation as you and one of my single girlfriends actually told me that she and our other friends thought I was too busy and had other priorities than spending time with them, but whenever I was ready or free they'd love to see me. Sounds like your friend who invited you to her party wants to make that gesture [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:14 PM Flag
»
OP: I have tried countless times to get together but I, of course, have my baby with me and they have chosen not to get together for whatever reason. This party is, of course, convenient to them so they asked me. I have pretty much stopped asking them to get together now so we are both moving on I guess. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:19 PM Flag
»
Could you leave your baby at home with her/ his father, babysitter etc while you go and meet single friends? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:20 PM Flag
»
you have no childcare options? I can understand wanting to have the baby with you, but don't you need a break sometimes? Wouldn't single girlfriend time be best sans baby? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:22 PM Flag
»
i'm a single mom and yes, sometimes I can have a sitter but on the weekends is the time I have with him as I work during the week and he's with a nanny during the day. i have to say to spend $15/he for people who have really deserted me during my time of need doesn't feel right to me so i' [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:25 PM Flag
»
Well, you've answered your own "problem" then. Go to the party with your new friends and write off the others as history [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:25 PM Flag
»
Well, it sounds like you've made up your mind, so I'm not sure why you asked the question. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:26 PM Flag
»
cause i feel sad about it and want to make sure my emotions aren't getting the better of me. need another person's pov, so it's been helpful to hear people's thoughts. will probably go to the single friends party cause i said i would first and that's only right. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:28 PM Flag
»
they wouldn't know "why" you canceled if you do - remember, you've clearly shown them that your only priority is your kid and if you cancel because you lie and say he's sick, how would they know the difference? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:32 PM Flag
»
i just no longer think it's fair that i have to make all the concessions to get together when it's much easier for them to make a plan to see me than I to get to them. they don't have to spend money on sitter, manuever naps, etc... i have made it very clear when i am free and no one is biting. i feel ostracized for having a kid really. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:27 PM Flag
»
Look, if you want to keep up with them, you need to make an effort to see them withOUT your son. Nothing kills a girls' day/night out like someone else's baby. It's not personal - it's universal. If you can't or don't want to do this, then write them off and hang out with your new friends. But old friends are worth fighting for. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:30 PM Flag
»
this is such a nasty attitude to have. i dropped my friends who had this mentality after i had my DS and am happier for it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:38 PM Flag
»
op: thanks, i appreciate hearing that. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:56 PM Flag
»
What did you think would happen? Seriously? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:30 PM Flag
»
op: i thought they would stick around and be there for me LIKE THEY SAID THEY WOULD DURING MY PREGNANCY. That's what I thought. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:32 PM Flag
»
I know a few single mothers who think they can rely on their friends the way those of us who are married/in relationships do on their husbands/sos. It doesn't work like that. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:33 PM Flag
»
op: i see that now! i take full responsibility for thinking things would be different. i am not rich - babysitters a few tinmes a week is not a luxury i can afford but i do think they can come to my house when the kids is asleep. i just guess people don't do that - i did with my friends who had babies. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:35 PM Flag
»
well then, you're clearly a MUCH better person than everyone else [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:36 PM Flag
»
OP; well, in this regard yes i am. i stuck by my feriends when they had kids. i really didn't think twice about it and it didn;t prepare me for when it was going to happen to me. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:39 PM Flag
»
The only people who stick around after a baby is born, if yr lucky, are the baby's parents, and the parents' parents. Apart from that, people get on with their own lives, look forward to seeing you when you recover from the childbirth and the trauma of the first six weeks, and are happy to admire photos for perhaps five mins. I think your expectations of friends are too high. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:34 PM Flag
»
OP; i agree. i believed them when they said they'd hang around. perhaps they didn't know themselves. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:36 PM Flag
»
itd. my childless friends (excpet for a couple who are dealing with infertility) did not "go away" after i had db. our relationship changed and we made adjustments, but they are still there for me. but i am talking FRIENDS not social acquaintances. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:40 PM Flag
»
op: these were close friends thast's why it's so shocking. not acquaintences at all. granted some friends did dtick around but they tend to be gay men and women interestingly. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:54 PM Flag
»
Are you expecting single straight MALE friends to be more supportive? Forget it. DH sees his friends twice a year at this point and they've maybe met DS twice and he's 4 yo. I assumed you were talking about girlfriends. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 02:08 PM Flag
»
np: i am not sure single and childless people understand what that entails. pick the single friend you are closest to. tell her, "i miss you and i really want to hang out with you. it's difficult and expensive for me to get a sitter, but do you think you would like to come over and hang out one night after db goes to bed?" my best single friend was totally up for that. i'd put db to bed at 7:30pm and then we'd stay up and chat and have wine, etc. don't always go for the group outing - that one is harder. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:36 PM Flag
»
op: I've said that and asked that so many times. it's happened maybe once or twice in 8 months. perhaps these friends aren't as good as I thought. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:40 PM Flag
»
Now you have the answer as to why your single friends don't want to hang out with you and the friendship is dwindling [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:34 PM Flag
»
OP: Oh I've known I just find it really sad. I thought these friends were a little above the stereotype. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.01.08, 01:37 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions