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06.30.08, 18:27 PM Toddler
14 replies
does anyone have their finances mixed in w/their in laws? like, a credit card that is connected to a trust or something, to accrue interest, etc? this is us, and today FIL sent me/DH an email (mainly me) admonishing for high spending this month, saying we all need to talk about a budget at next family get together. i am livid. dh seems to think it's fine. seriously considering divorce. hate the lack of privacy, and feel like dh has never really cut the cord, despite our life. advice? anyone btdt? have i a right to be pissed? how best to talk w/dh? told him i wanted my own card, through our own account to use, that his parents can't see. he seemed annoyed, b/c i guess it's not as financially wise. freaking out. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Toddler 06.30.08, 06:27 PM Flag
 

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So who pays off this credit card? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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we do, but i think b/c we are in a tough place now (dh switching jobs soon, but now his salary barely covers the rent, etc. so we always have to dip) they want to help out. just torn. what can i do? i feel like if i want to break free they will scorn me, etc. and i'm sure already say horrible things about me (how dare she make a charge for $8 at starbucks when they are broke?!, etc). am also sahm, no family, one ds has serious special needs. just feel so overwhelmed. hate that fil is acting like big brother, and that dh seems fine w/it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:31 PM Flag
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How are you surviving on such a tight budget? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:33 PM Flag
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why are you spending $8 at starbucks? Grow up and support yourself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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nope [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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I would be beyond livid if FIL started commenting on my spending. But, until your finances are completely separated from theirs, they are going to know and comment, esp. if they are paying the bills. You and DH need to talk about this, seriously and calmly. He needs to make his parents understand that your discretionary spending is between you and him, they do not get a say, and if that's not "financially prudent", then he needs to decide what is more important - having his parents paying his bills and running his life or his marriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:31 PM Flag
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c'mon - if they foot the bills they absolutely get to have a say in what they are paying for. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:32 PM Flag
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ITA. It's only fair - OP. If they are paying your bills, why would they not get a say in how the money is spent? It's their money! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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op: i just want to cry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:33 PM Flag
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If I were in your spot, I wouldn't use that card to buy anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:38 PM Flag
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np here definitely don't use the card for much. maybe get a cash advance on it weekly and use that to spend. that way they can't track what you spend [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:53 PM Flag
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nnp and I think the ILs would likely flip if she started getting cash advances on the card [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:54 PM Flag
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I am on your side here, I really am. But you DO need to have a family budget. So sit down with DH and create one, including an adequate amount of weekly spending money for you. If that card is where your money comes from, then get yourself a weekly cash advance, and you use that for Starbucks, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:51 PM Flag
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I don't want to make you feel worse, but I do think it's odd that you would use a credit-card that in-laws are helping you pay to buy things like Starbucks. You mentioned that you "have to dip" and they are "helping out." If they are helping you out, they just don't want to help you get a latte. They want to see if go for necessities, like food, rent etc. Why don't you just apply for your own card? You don't need to do it with DH - do your own thing. I've always had my own cards. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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