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06.30.08, 16:51 PM Newborn
41 replies
my dh and i were separated for a few months and recently got back together (dh had a short term affair). things were great, but then found out his mistress was pregnant and i just don't know what to do. i haven't kicked dh out yet, but i can't imagine staying married to him as he raises another woman's child. everything is a mess again. i can't blame him for seeing a woman during our separation, i also went on a couple dates - though i never slept with any of the men. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Newborn 06.30.08, 04:51 PM Flag
 

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I don't think that I could handle it either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:53 PM Flag
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Wait. The mistress he had the affair with is now pregnant? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:54 PM Flag
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yes she is 5 months along [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:57 PM Flag
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she is sure it is you dh's? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:58 PM Flag
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yes, she swore to him he was the only man she had been with all year [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:58 PM Flag
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np: well, how does dh feel about her having the baby? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:59 PM Flag
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my dh obviously wants to take responsibility for what he has done, but he definitely wishes this weren't happening - it took us so long to get back together and make our marriage work [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:00 PM Flag
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I feel for him, but there is no way I could handle that. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I highly suggest talking to a therapist before you make any decisions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:09 PM Flag
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I don't think I could ever feel ok about it and to move on, you would have to. Now you say she is a mistress is this someone he was seeing while you were still together? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:54 PM Flag
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well, he saw her while we were separated, i consider it a mistress but perhaps that is my anger getting the best of me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:57 PM Flag
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Yeah, she's not a mistress. Is he understanding to your feelings about this? or is thinking this will be ok? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:59 PM Flag
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he was distraught by the news, part of the reason our separation lasted as long as it did was due to his feelings for her so now that she is forever tied to him i am always going to worry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:00 PM Flag
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You're stuck and you need to think is having him in your life along with the baggage he now has is what you want. Or will you resent him and the new baby. You could be rational and see this was not an affair. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:03 PM Flag
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I almost wonder if she got pregnant to keep him. Is this a possiblilty? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:12 PM Flag
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i could definitely see that being true, i dont really know her, i just know she is very young [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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I know that even if she did do it on purpose, this would still be painful, but it may help to not hate dh as much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:18 PM Flag
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np: itd she is a mistress - when you are separated that doesnt give you rights to sleep around, you are still married [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:03 PM Flag
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I don't agree. Separation is a crazy time and sometimes connecting with another person can make you see what you want. It's not the reason to separate but you need to see what's out there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:07 PM Flag
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np: It really depends on the ground rules the couple sets. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:07 PM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:10 PM Flag
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I'm confused. Did they hook up after the separation or was he cheating on you during your marriage? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:08 PM Flag
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that has to be tough bc you would need to welcome this child into your home, be a step-mom, not be bitter towards the child (as silly as it sounds, even the best people unknowingly take the resentment out on the child) - my sister went through a similiar situation, she was dating a man for 5 years, they had 2 kids together, broke up for about 4 months, got back together and got married - then a woman gets in touch with her dh letting him know she gave birth to a child that could be his - he took a dna test and it was - my sister actually separated from dh for 5 months soon after bc she just couldnt handle the new child [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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is this real? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:57 PM Flag
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that is hard to ask you to play step-mom to a child conceived wirth another woman during your marriage [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:59 PM Flag
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I'm confused. Did you separaate becuase dh has an affiar with the pg woman, or did he not start dating her until after your were seperated? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:09 PM Flag
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he had an emotional affair during out marriage - he ended up kissing that woman and after that he was mentally and emotionally absent from our marriage, there were other issues as well, he had the sexual affair during out separation with a different woman [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:11 PM Flag
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that clinches it for me. I would definitely leave. He is self-destructive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:13 PM Flag
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It's hard to have to go with separating again, but I can't see this working. All the best to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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They were on a break! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:23 PM Flag
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could you be welcoming to your dh's love child? The real question is if she can be a good step-mom to step-db, and if she can get over it, not whose fault it is. DH doesn't sound like much of a winner. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:34 PM Flag
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i just don't know, the child is going to remind me of the affair, this baby is going to be here sooner than i would like, i dont know if i can mentally prepare in that span of time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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that is my fear, i cant see us getting back together again if we separate, it is so unstable for my children - whatever decision i make needs to be permanent [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:28 PM Flag
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Good luck to you! You seem to be handling this much better than I would. Please talk to a lawyer and therapist asap, both will help a lot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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i know it is hard for you, but i cant even imagine what your kids will be going through - mom and dad finally get back together and now they are torn apart again AND daddy is having a baby with a different woman - so much to take in for young kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:12 PM Flag
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your husband is a pig. how old is he? how old are you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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i am 32, dh is 37 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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YOu're a Pig! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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why am i a pig? unless you are her dh.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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Ugh. What a horrible situation. Work with a divorce attorney to make sure child support for your dc isn't reduced by his having other children out of wedlock. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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how old is the lovechild's mother [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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she is 20 years old, barely legal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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