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06.29.08, 13:09 PM General Topics
29 replies
I am here at home *hoping* that the au pair stays out until at least my DH comes home. There has to be a conversation about how we want her to leave, but I cannot face it alone. He's a much better "bad cop". If she comes in, do I pretend all is well, hide in my room, what ?! I know I should be stronger, but I am a total wus right now ! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.29.08, 01:09 PM Flag
 

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why do you want her to leave? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:11 PM Flag
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I posted yesterday and don't want to bore you, but she is just not into it and I have tried and tried, but I now feel almost "used". She does everything to the lowest standards, is regularly moody,and I feel my kids deserve someone better. They deserve someone who wants to get to know them, play with them, etc. We have had good au pairs in the past, and she is just not cut out for this. I can't stand having under my roof someone who genuinely doesn't like living with us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:13 PM Flag
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If you see her you can say that you need to talk to her as your situation has changed and you will need to let her go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:22 PM Flag
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I know I SHOULD do that. I just loathe (is there an 'e' on that ?) a confrontation like that. Where she will go I do not know and neither will she - meaning what family she will be re-matched to - and I'm about to put a whole lot of uncertainty and fear on someone. I hate that... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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actually, I think that you really need to have this conversation with the au pair service first. If you've already decided, let them deal with her, that's what you paid them for. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:29 PM Flag
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I have spoken with them and they want to speak with me tomorrow. It's tonight that has me hiding like a little girl ! And why should I be nervous about this !? This 19 year old girl acts as if being here with my DC is like a root canal ! She has been treated to to four great vacations, given a car, a phone, and a lot of care and understanding and she somehow believes that she is better than this job and was duped into becoming an au pair. Her laziness is incredible and I should be eagerly awaiting her return so I can address it, yet I am not... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:33 PM Flag
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that's the key, get yourself worked up so you don't care about her feelings as much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:34 PM Flag
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but I do care for some reason. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:35 PM Flag
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or just recognize that you married dh because opposites attract, I'm sure you have talents that he doesn't have, and let him deal with it when he gets home. Just ignore her until then. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:36 PM Flag
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I think that is what I must do. Thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:37 PM Flag
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Good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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(Yes, it's loathe.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:59 PM Flag
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thank you again ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:03 PM Flag
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Why do you have to tell her tonight? Why not just tell her tomorrow morning or else just let the agency deal with it? I bet she's unhappy too and will be glad to be told to leave. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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I do not have to tell her tonight. It's just that awkward moment when she enters... pretending that all is good or the same or whatever... I don't believe she'll be happy really to go though. I think she sees how hard other au pairs work and all they are asked to do and it is a cakewalk here. I believe that she is taking advantage of that but still a self-satisfied entitled teen who will be a bit shocked. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:57 PM Flag
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Eh, just ignore her then. Just think about the excellent lesson you are teaching her -- long term. :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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yes. DH said that some au pairs are great young women who see the bigger world and just want to embrace it. She's a simple girl who has no concept that you actually have to work for what you want and none of us "deserve" anything. I spoke with my 9 year old this morning and he said he would be sad to see her go, but it would be nice to have an au pair who liked him ! I almost cried. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:05 PM Flag
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Wow. She needs to go. I would play normal tonight and let the agency deal with it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:09 PM Flag
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OP thank you. I think it may be the best answer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:10 PM Flag
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that is so sad. I can't believe that after that, you're not angry enough to get in her face. That sends any sympathy I had for her out the door. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:10 PM Flag
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I think she has just been so disinterested in being an au pair and I thought they were just getting along OK but that she was neither very creative nor very ambitious. Now I know she's lazy and disinterested. When I did flip out this AM my DH talked me off the ledge and I just became 100% committed to ending this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:17 PM Flag
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So scared that I will be you in a few months. We just said yes to an au pair and will be moving forward on having an au pair for the first time ever. I am terrified. Experiences seem to be good or the most awful ever. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:17 PM Flag
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OP Our experiences before this have all been great. I think that with this girl I was so eager to get an Italian speaker that I stupidly didn't follow all of my usual rules. It is partially my own fault, but mostly hers ! GL with yours ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:19 PM Flag
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thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:22 PM Flag
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My only advice to you would be to be totally upfront in the beginning and do not hesitate to tell her all that you expect for fear of overloading her. In my experience, let it all out in the beginning (Each day we expect this, this is how I would like the laundry for DB done, if this, than this) and everyone is happier for it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:24 PM Flag
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Don't worry, if you have a good agency they will find you a new girl right away if for some reason the first one doesn't work out. I've had about 8 au pairs and would say half were blah but half were fantastic & I still keep in regular contact with 3 of them (even going to visit them in their home country) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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I feel for you-just not in the way you might expect. Your kids come first and you are the employer; there is no reason to consider this an unpleasant confrontation. I do think it's fair and important that you AND your partner sit down with her and let her know that you've conversed w/ the service. She's 19- she'll bounce back and her next position isn't your concern, really; your family's is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 03:26 PM Flag
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ps If you have some sort of emotion invested in this girl's welfare, then you should let her know where she fell short and in some of the ways. Perhaps she'll get some important insight to bring to her next situation or realize this type of gig isn't for her; It really sounds as if it isn't. Remember you aren't fostering this girl-you hired her and it was simply a poor match. Be upfront w/her if you want to give her any consolation; 19 is very young. Would you have hired a typical American 19yr old to care for your kids? I know I wouldn't, with very few exceptions. Why should a typical European kid be expected to be any more mature or responsible? Just curious... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 03:35 PM Flag
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I've had 2 rematches and they can be a really good thing for everybody. You sometimes get to meet the new girl in person since she is already in the country which makes making a decision much easier. Really don't worry about hurting this person's feelings. I've btdt with the entitled teenager who feels it is beneath her to work - get rid of her pronto! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 07:02 PM Flag
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