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06.27.08, 18:56 PM General Topics
18 replies
how do you know when to leave? we look great on paper but behind closed doors we seem to exist separately. he is the breadwinner and I'm afraid to leave. he is not physically abusive we just seem to be too different. we have a beautiful 18 month old son whom we both love. do we stick it out? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.27.08, 06:56 PM Flag
 

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ugh...does dh know you are feeling this way? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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we have seen a marriage counselor who has spoke to me separately and she has told me that we are very different. There are times when it seems hopeful but then it just goes back to this same indifference. It seems like he is never happy about anything, like he's waiting for something, retirement or something before he enjoys what he has. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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I'm so sorry...indifference is the worst! If I were you, I'd ask myself if was enjoying myself in the present, (is there anything you like about the relationship?) or at least if I could imagine myself doing so eventually with dh? If not, maybe you should leave...life's too short. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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we can watch a movie together. I like the way he is with everyone else, his friends, our neighbors. he's funny and caring but it doesn't seem to happen behind closed doors. he once told me that the honeymoon stage of our relationship is over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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just don't have another child until you figure it out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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no, no children while it's like this. I don't know if I'm being realistic or not, everyone has issues but I just don't know if mine are the ones to leave him by. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:07 PM Flag
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I"m 37 and I want to have a happy family life. He is all about work, and we are very well off, I have no complaints about anything we "have" it's the personal part that is throwing me off. I can be overly sensitive at times and a bit of a romantic so I end up wondering if it's me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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he doesn't talk to me, has to be doing something while he talks to me or if I"M talking to him. he walks about 20 paces ahead of me, at the airport walking through town etc... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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can you go away for a long weekend with just him? leave the child with someone you trust? perhaps it's the stress of having your first child and having no private time as a couple? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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We haven't shared the same bed in awhile. when he has free time it's about his buddies and their families. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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hmm is that because your 18 mo sleeps with you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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no, he sleeps in his own room [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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I put our ds to sleep, dh does his thing at night, computer or tv, and I have no problem with that, but then he has a problem when our ds doesn't respond well to him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:16 PM Flag
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I don't know if it's his ego or he's afraid to talk to me, he doesn't seem to want to be vulnerable and doesn't feel comfortable if he's being questioned. Can't seem to let his wall down. That is why I am having a problem leaving, it just doesn't seem like a valid reason to me, someone else's ego or inability to be be vulnerable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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Sounds complicated. My advice would be to try all different angles to break down that wall and decipher what's really happening. Shared love and devotion to a child can carry a marriage (it certainly does for mine). I think very few couples have a storybook marriage.. there's always something missing. It comes down to how critical that something is.... good luck [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:31 PM Flag
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maybe he's going thru a midlife crisis and in denial of it. perhaps you are just too close for him to let down his walls cuz he doesn't want to know what's behind those walls? i'm so sorry this is happening, maybe he's going thru a rough time too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:37 PM Flag
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Thank you so much for your thoughts I really appreciate it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.28.08, 09:07 AM Flag
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"he doesn't talk to me, has to be doing something while he talks to me or if I'm talking to him. he walks about 20 paces ahead of me, at the airport walking through town etc..." This sounds troubling. I would HATE it. One possibility is that his Dad did this so it's all he knows, so it's more habit than something about you. Do you know his parents? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.28.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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