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06.27.08, 06:35 AM New York City
47 replies
How to handle? GF and I have dcs same age ready to apply to K, will be applying to private. GF very well connected at TT with legacy and dh also with legacy, knows admissions people at other TT and privates and so on. Feeling strain in our friendship from both of us, I am anxious and a little jealous I think and she acts relaxed, non committal and says my dc will get in somewhere and all schools are good and not to stress. This angers me, what to do to preserve friendship? TIA! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
New York City 06.27.08, 06:35 AM Flag
 

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stop being jealous and relax. She is probably acting calm about it b/c there is nothing she can do about your kid and she knows you are jealous. Worry about your own family, not hers, and talk about other things. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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Trying but it is the elephant in the room. Sorry but her attitude that ALL schools are good an it makes no difference makes me angry, its like smug [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:40 AM Flag
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np; all schools are good. You have been reading crap on UB too long [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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most schools are fine. Your kid will do well I'm sure. Stop comparing. Are you this jealous if your friends have more $$ or different talents than you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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I know I just can't help rolling my eyes when she says that her school, known as the best hands down, and her dh's school also best that they are really not greater or better than the others [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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np: OMG I can't believe that you are so insecure about a school that your friend attended when she was a kid. She's trying to make you feel better with the truth but you are just looking for an excuse to be pissed off at her. ISSUES..ISSUES [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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because it put her in a different class for admission, and gotta say she comes off as more impressive, I worry about parent interview too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:52 AM Flag
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so that is really your problem. you are insecure about your own stuff. Work on that and don't worry about what she is doing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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not really. Leg. status doesn't hold much like it used to. OP is just insecure and gonna let it come btwn a friendship [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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How about leg status, DH with leg status at another TT and bright engaging top scoring dc! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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you are pretty insufferable. Is she beautiful too? rich? Did her Daddy make her feel like a princess? If you like this woman and are her friend (which I am beginning to wonder about) you will accept her with her good and bad points and not hold things against her that are beyond her control. If you really feel that way, maybe you need to find friends who are poor and downtrodden so you can feel better about yourself [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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she is probably just trying to make you feel better. Either talk to her about how you feel or let it go. Either way, it's not her fault that she has more advantages and you should not hold it against her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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So, you instead want her to bad mouth some of the schools? What if those are the schools your kid gets into? Or your friends' kids get into? She is being nice. You need perspective. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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no but you don't think its smug?? 'oh I am at the top of the heap but don't you worry you will go somewhere' [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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It's not smug, it's polite. She can never win with you. If she came out and said, "Well, we're going to Dalton and we'll just see what third tier school your kid ends up at," you would be sooo mad and posting on here like crazy. You are jealous; it has nothing to do with what she says or doesn't say. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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ITTTA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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you would have to see her face when she says these things, but maybe you are on to something [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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np so what is she supposed to say? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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nnp: OH I GOT IT..I think OP wants her friend to say [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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^^^Don't worry honey we will make tons of calls on your behalf". I think this is what's bothering OP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:52 AM Flag
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I think you are right. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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OP: she says it wouldn't help to make calls or write letters [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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and she is probably right. Just do the best you can for your own DC and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. I feel like I tell my 3yo this on a daily basis! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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and she is right..all it may do is get you passed a lottery if the schools has one..that's it. Don't let your own insecurity ruin your friendship. You are holding her schooling against her. Not nice [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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np: I have a dc in a private and when my youngest was in a toddler class I used to tell parents not to worry, be themselves, it will work out, ect. Since my youngest is a sib was I being smug?? I don't think so. I don't think your friend is being smug unless her tone is smug (which I doubt) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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She is telling you the truth - why is that smug? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:13 AM Flag
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I'm sorry, I know how stressful the whole process is, but I think you need a little attitude adjustment about this. Your friend is doing the only thing she can -- which is being positive, without being cavalier and dismissive ("oh, it will all work out"), which she can't because it is a tough process and admission is not guaranteed. It's sounds like she's a nice person, and you can't hold where she and her dh went to school or who she knows against her, unless she is rubbing it in your face or being unkind about it, which doesn't seem the case. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:38 AM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:39 AM Flag
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If you feel this way already, then you should just avoid her, starting now. You already know that she appears to have a few advantages that you don't. No one knows yet what that really means in terms of placement. My advice is just to avoid her, if you cannot handle it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:40 AM Flag
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wow. You both need to grow up. Everyone is not equal. Deal with it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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Grow up? I was actually trying to provide helpful advice to the OP. What I suggested is 1 way of dealing with it, if the OP can't rise above her own feelings of jealousy. Rather than being judgmental (as you are), I think the OP could probably just get some advice on how to deal. Whether she can handle it is really up to her. But I'm not going to sit here and judge her for it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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I think it's silly to avoid friends who have different advantages. Life isn't fair. Deal with it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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Well, I would agree with you on that, but frankly the schools process is hard enough (and we didn't even do private), especially when certain kids get into coveted schools and friend's kids didn't, or score comparison. It's all part of what everyone will have to deal with, and the reality is that negative feelings come out. So the question is: how to deal with it. Some people can deal directly, some prefer to avoid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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so you learn to deal with the fact that life is not fair. Some people have better schools, or are prettier or have more money. So? Do all your friends have to be exactly the same level as you? That's no fun at all [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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Clearly you are in lecture mode, so have at it. Nice talking to you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:52 AM Flag
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NP - You aren't being lectured but you do have to realize that you are acting very immaturely here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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sorry if the truth hurts. Life isn't fair, nothing is equal and the sooner OP gets used to that, the better off she will be [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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AMEN [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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and of course her dc is clearly very smart so this will work out for her I kinda feel like we are starting leagues behind her even at the starting gate. can't help feeling its just plain unfair [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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np: with this attitude you will get your dc into NOWHERE..you will be your dc downfall. GROW UP and stay off of UB. Seriously you need to stop believing all the crap you read on here from ppl who know SQUAT about the process or the schools [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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and? Life is unfair. Deal with it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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Unfair? Why is this unfair? Because her parents secretly conspired against you 30 years ago when they decided where to send her to school? And again she though it would be great to marry someone who went to a good school just to rub it in your face? Grow up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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Or just grow up. There will always be people with more connections, more money, better looking husbands, smarter children, no matter who you are. Better to start being happy with what you have now -- and keep in mind, a lot of people would kill to live in Manhattan and have the money/wherewithal to be able to send their kids to private school here. So there are a lot of people you have a leg up on in life as well. Grass is always greener. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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very well said [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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Yes, there are a ton of people on this board who wished they had the money to have the option to send their kid to private school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 07:17 AM Flag
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I'm with your friend. She has a good attitude. I'm BTDT and please remember this...LEG status isn't what it used to be. Not like her dc is a sib. She's going into this with very little pull as a leg. You do need to relax because the DOA will see this. They want you to be yourself, relaxed and just normal. They don't want ppl who seem a bit crazy, acting like what they think the schools want them to act. DON'T let your jealousy come btwn your friendship...it would be your fault [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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I am with her. You don't seem to be a good friend if you let school get between the two of you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.27.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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