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06.26.08, 19:05 PM General Topics
38 replies
WWYD: DH and I support his parents financially. We just learned that they have been contributing to savings and brokerage accounts for my neices and nephews. In other words, while we are making financial sacrifices for our immediate family, they are taking advantage of their subsidized lifestyle to help their other grandchildren financially. I am livid. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.26.08, 07:05 PM Flag
 

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what does your DH think? they're his parents, so if you're going to confront them he needs to take the lead. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:07 PM Flag
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He is besides himself. We aren't doing camp for dc this summer, and will not be able to afford college, but his neices/nephews will have fat savings accounts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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how old are they? and why aren't his siblings helping out? I think you need to discuss the situation with your dh's siblings and let them know that things need to change. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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Age range from range from 7 to 11. My SILs/BILs can't afford to help. I don't actually mind being the only ones to help. What I mind is that my IL's are taking help that is clearly beyond what they need and using it to redistribute wealth through the family according to some odd notion of justice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:13 PM Flag
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I would suggest that you and your DH sit down with them and come up with a budget--leave a little discretionary money in there that they can spend on themselves or on their grandkids if they want, but set a monthly amount and stick to it. And make it something you're comfortable with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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How much money are you talking about? If the contributions are substantial, I would take it as a sign that your ILs are better off than you think and don't really need your help, and would stop contributing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:20 PM Flag
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NP: or is it possible that they're doing without to make these contributions? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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OP: [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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OP: If they are willing to "do without" to make contributions, they can start by "doing without" to avoid being supported by us. They know that the money to care for them comes from our savings and our disposable income. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:23 PM Flag
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Could they possibly think that you are doing better than you are? Do they do how much of a strain on you it is to support them? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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Yes. They know that we pulled dc from private school to help them out and that we couldn't afford camp this year. And I have made some light commends about dc needing to do very well in the school band so that they can get trumpet scholarships to pay for college. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:27 PM Flag
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I'd cut them off. Save for your kids education. I'd never sacrifice that. They can drain neices and nephews savings accounts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:42 PM Flag
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oh, I agree, my point was just that I'd want to know if money that was supposed to be going to medicine was going to their grandkids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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they should do without OP's money, it's not like OP is wealthy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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I agree, but at the same time, you'd want to know if they were giving up necessities to do this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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A total of about $10K/year [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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And how much do you give them? I think you definitely need to scale back if not stop entirely. You are being taken advantage of. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:23 PM Flag
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We pay 100% of their assisted living bill. About $60K per year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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wow, that is extremely generous of you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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They are elderly, were broke, and being evicted from a filthy home that they couldn't maintain. We didn't have many options. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:28 PM Flag
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you are doing the right thing. Sounds like they raised a fine son. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:37 PM Flag
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Sounds like they don't give a shit about what they are doing to their son. They sound rather entitled. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:52 PM Flag
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Medicaid. Don't put yourself in this same situation. Don't sacrifice your savings or else your kids will be supporting you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:40 PM Flag
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agree. Some assisted living places have medicaid/care? arrangements. I believe you have to show that your ILs have no money of their own. Most places have a waiting lists for the medicade beds... investigate that and get them on the list! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:42 PM Flag
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10K a year is decent college savings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:52 PM Flag
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do your kids get gifts? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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No [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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time to stop the checks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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How did you find this out? How long has it been going on? How long have you been supporting them? Are you absolutely sure about this information? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:38 PM Flag
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Has your DH mentioned this to his siblings? Or is this the big elephant in the room? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:40 PM Flag
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Confront other family members. Say your are cutting off grandma and grandpa now to send your kids to camp, pay their tuition and have a nest egg of yourself so you don't have to be a burden to your kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:45 PM Flag
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she can't do that. she is paying for the assisted living... they are probably only getting SS if that... they will not be able to be on their own. Where will they go if she stops paying? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:50 PM Flag
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Medicaid home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:53 PM Flag
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How broke are the other siblings? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:48 PM Flag
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I know when my grandmother "graduated" from assisted living to a nursing home it cost 100K/yr. Most of the people their were not paying privately, but had either run through their resources & had no money or their families protected their estates ahead of time & declared them bankrupt thus having Medicaid & other gov't monies kick in. My GM & the others got great care; her upscale assisted living facility had a nursing home, but her kids (including doctors) preferred the care at this low-key Catholic facility. For ex., she was no longer drugged beyond recognition. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 07:56 PM Flag
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Any updates from OP? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.28.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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Doesn't seem like it. Feel awful for her. This kind of stuff always goes on. When my grandmother died, my uncle gave me & my brother $30k - my grandmother had hidden money for him while my parents paid for her house, then her nursing home. Luckily, my uncle isn't a loser, he was horrified to get word of the account. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.28.08, 06:34 AM Flag
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Yeah, I don't get the logic. My grandfather is broke and in need of a nursing home. My father is TEMPORARILY helping with the bill while we apply for a medicaid slot at the same home. No need to drain your savings when medicaid is available. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:25 PM Flag
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