UrbanBaby

06.26.08, 08:30 AM Preschool/Kids
26 replies

My 5.5 yo girl asked me what "F$#@in' Child" means. I don't know what to do/how to respond. She said her babysitter calls her that when really mad. Her babysitter is a devout Muslim who cringes if I say something off color in her presence. I do not believe babysitter has secret dark side or would say this - especially to our daughter. Just don't believe it. My immediate response was "I don't understand what you're saying, don't know that word" and tried to brush it off. Followed a few minutes later by "babysitter doesn't say that, I bet your dad said it" She calmly said "no mom she does, when really mad at me, but let's keep it our secret and not tell anyone". I told her I was going to ask babysitter about it and she just kind of smiled at me - and didn't get upset and indignant like usually does when telling the truth. I am upset my daughter choose exactly this thing to create her story - and also that I think she's telling a big fabricated story. No idea how to handle this one. Help!! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Preschool/Kids 06.26.08, 08:30 AM Flag

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PLEASE...believe me I don't buy this shit that these so called extra religious ppl are angels. I find them to be the ones that have more skeletons in their closets [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:32 AM Flag

OP - fair enough, and I agree. I should've said I know our babysitter pretty well and just don't believe she'd say it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:35 AM Flag

Why would your child lie to you about such a thing? You need to get this babysitter straightened out. And what on Earth is your DD doing that evokes such profanity? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:34 AM Flag

I think our daughter overheard someone else saying this and made up the story. I think she's looking for ways to push the envelope and control her environment and this is her newest attempt [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:36 AM Flag

She would have to be pretty bright to put this all together... but it does sound like an odd story. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:38 AM Flag

She is pretty bright and creative. But she's also 5.5 and doesn't generally tell big stories like this. How do I figure it out? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:40 AM Flag

Nanny cam? That's probably what I would do, even though I normally wouldn't, it seems like too many moving parts for a 5 y-o to put together. They usually aren't good at lying at all. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:41 AM Flag

OP - when I asked our daughter if our cat scratched our foot, she said "it's ok, mom, we were playing catch the foot" so as not to get her beloved pet in trouble [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:43 AM Flag

You have to believe her!!! My sister was abused by an uncle (A FAMILY MEMBER) who my mother cared very much about, and thought she knew so well, since he was her won brother. She was also 5 and told my mother about it, and my mother at first thought it was a story. She eventually believed her, and it was in fact true. It takes a lot for a kid to tell her parents something like that, and kids are generally truthful unless someone asks them to lie or they have a real reason to lie. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:45 AM Flag

^^Uncle was babysitting for her in the afternoons after kindergarten. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:46 AM Flag

I definitely agree in cases of sexual abuse, because kids that age really have no concept unless it happens to them about how to lie about it. But this isn't that sort of abuse, and there are ways she could have put together this story. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:50 AM Flag

If you know your babysitter pretty well then you can probably speak to her frankly about this and ask her if she knows where DD heard that kind of language? You don't have to accuse her or anyone else, and you two might even have a laugh about it, but ultimately you will be pointing out that these things do get back to you. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:39 AM Flag

I am generally of the strong feeling that kids need to be believed and listened too, but also take everything wiht a grain of salt. My best friend's son said that his babysitter hit him and she fired her on the spot. A few months later he asked about her and his mom said she was in jail (my goodness - don't ask me why she lied, but she did) and the kid started crying and confessed he just wanted her fired because he didn't like her but she actually never hit him. He was 4 at the time. So, maybe talk with your babysitter about the language and see what she has to say. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:43 AM Flag

I don't see how asking her really solves anything. I doubt she is going to admit it if she does. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:46 AM Flag

OP - I see that. So what do I do? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:49 AM Flag

I really would just put in a nanny cam. that way you can be objective about it. I don't think that they are very expensive. If they are then I would question dd further. Ask her specifics about when/where has happened. If she is able to come up with a convincing story with more details on the spot, I would be more inclined to believe her. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:54 AM Flag

Above poster made a good point...don't ask her if SHE said it, just tell her that DD said she heard it and ask her if she can recall hearing it when with DD (on playground, etc.). That way she will know your daughter tells you things... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:51 AM Flag

that gives her an easy way out, she doesn't even have to figure out what she is going to say to you. Definitely do not do this. If she does do it, it is serious. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:55 AM Flag

Thank you! that's helpful. I think my daughter doesn't want her fired, but is trying to create a wedge between the united discipline front of babysitter and parents to get herself some more wiggle room. It didn't work when she tried "babysitter always makes me ___ and I really don't like that" and now she's trying a different way, just happened to pick this language/scenario that she overheard somewhere, and doesn't fully grasp how disturbing the exact thing she picked to use is to us adults. Just not sure how to get her off the manipulative path she's on. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 08:48 AM Flag

my dd is 4.5 and is also a bit manipulative and can tell a good lie. i would get a nanny cam and at the very least talk to babysitter. she may deny it though [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 09:25 AM Flag

The thing that concerns me is that asking you what "F987987n" means is different than "Nanny said F98798879" Is your 5 year old that clever. The staging of the question is different than what I would expect from a young child. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 09:00 AM Flag

her opening was "Mom, what does f42542in mean? babysitter says f23343in child to me when I'm really bad". Our daughter is always testing the limits we set for her, and is pretty smart (at least not according to her OSLAT scores, oops, didn't mean to digress), I just don't know what to make of it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 09:06 AM Flag

I also have a dd who is 5.5. Her speciality is making up stories. She is always telling me about "getting in trouble" at school or with the nanny. Then the teachers and the nanny say they have no clue what she's talking about. Definitely ask the nanny. Even if she denies it, she probably will stop saying it if she was saying it at all. Also, we have a rule: kids are not permitted to have any secrets with adults. too scary with abuse, etc. We differentiate secrets with surprises (e.g., gifts, etc.) So I'd talk to the nanny and also institute a "no secrets" rule. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 09:13 AM Flag

helpful, thanks, and yes we already have no secrets rule, and I though I could flush out veracity of story by telling dd was going to ask babysitter about it, but not sure that works here... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 09:23 AM Flag

my dd also was a major story-teller at that age [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 09:42 AM Flag

is it possible that she misunderstood her? maybe she was speaking farsi or other native language and it sounded like that? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.26.08, 09:39 AM Flag