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06.24.08, 13:14 PM General Topics
34 replies
DC (9 and 7) found our neighbor just outside his door this Am in a pool of blood. he apparently was slipped something by a date last night and slipped and fell down his stairs where he stayed the entire night. The ambulance drivers say he is lucky to be alive from blood loss and whatever else. Kids traumatized, appts tomorrow individually with psychologists. Advice ? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.24.08, 01:14 PM Flag
 

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Is he still in the hospital? Could you visit? It would likely be helpful for them to see that he's okay. Maybe you could all pitch in and make him some cookies or something? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:16 PM Flag
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Just saw him driven home and he is bandaged and swollen. I told DC that he just got home so he must be OK, but I think seeing the blood and "lifeless" body is a bit much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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That's a tough thing to see, but once they see him up and okay (even if all bandaged) those other images will go on the backburner. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:18 PM Flag
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yes. when he is ready to see them I will have them go by. good idea. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:21 PM Flag
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Tell them that they saved him. Try to make them feel proud to have helped someone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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No kidding - how pathetic that now we need crisis counseling for being heros. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:19 PM Flag
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NP - they're CHILDREN!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:19 PM Flag
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whats your point? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:21 PM Flag
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That seeing something as traumatizing as a lifeless body in a pool of blood may affect them in a way it wouldn't affect an adult. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:22 PM Flag
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They saved his life! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:23 PM Flag
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Right - I get that they are heroes and agree how it can be positioned to them. But the person who says it's pathetic they might need counseling needs to stfu. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:26 PM Flag
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Actually that is me - I said both comments. Tell them how brave and special they are and call it a day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:30 PM Flag
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You respond to yourself? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:34 PM Flag
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maybe she feel and hit her head ?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:35 PM Flag
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^^ meant "fell" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:35 PM Flag
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don't you have somewhere to be right now Nurse Ratchett ?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:20 PM Flag
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that is not at all what I meant... I was trying to her her redirect her kids fear into something positive! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:20 PM Flag
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Yes. They think that and I hope it is somewhat empowering, but they are really freaked about how it happened and why nobody helped him. i said he probably just fell in the dark, but they are afraid that someone could have come by and hurt him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:20 PM Flag
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that part would probably be helped by visiting him in the hospital. I'm sure that he was not a victim of violence. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:22 PM Flag
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According to his friend, he was slipped a mickey by a blind date and robbed [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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that's a bit harder... do the kids know this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:26 PM Flag
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I do not think they overheard this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:28 PM Flag
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Then stress that someone did help him, your sons! And they were there just at the right time to save him. If you are religious, you could add that god put them there just in time (not sure if I believe that or not, but it can be a very comforting thought). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:32 PM Flag
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don't let your kids know this - there is no reason for them to (I'm the poster below who found my friend's dad. I didn't know until years later that he has learned he had cancer and decided to end his life because of it. That would have made it much harder, since he could have had a longer time with my bf) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:29 PM Flag
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I will not tell them, certainly. I want them to think he fell / tripped. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:30 PM Flag
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I hope your neighbor is ok. Your kids will be fine, and I really don't think they need to see a psychologist. FWIW, I found my best friend's father after he committed suicide when I was 10. it was scary and traumatic but 18 years later I'm not scarred by it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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This is an interesting perspective. My older is very sensitive and worried about death which is why we made an appt right away with the psych he has discussed this with before, but how did seeing that affect you ? immediately after ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:26 PM Flag
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It affected me, but I found talking about it with my parents (neither of whom are psychologists) was the most helpful thing. Kids at that age are worried by death (I recall before this happened that I would be afraid to fall asleep because I was scared I would die in my sleep), but it is normal. I was obviously freaked out to find my best friend's dad with a shot in his head, and the image is still with me, but the pain I felt for my friend outweighed it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:27 PM Flag
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thank you. My DS is very concerned with death since I lost my mother when i was very young and he fears that this will happen to us. It is just a very sensitive issue for him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:29 PM Flag
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I understand that, and i'm sorry you lost your mom. You need to reassure him that you're not going anywhere, and no matter what he will always have MANY people who love him. I almost lost my dad at age 8 (heart attack, he barely recovered after the paramedics took 2 hours to get to our house) so I understand where he is coming from, but you should take him to visit your neighbor and show him that he'll be ok [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:32 PM Flag
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will do. thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:33 PM Flag
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Good luck. Remind them that they were heroic. Another good option - something my parents did - is involve your kids in community service with the elderly. I visited nursing homes with my mom and bonded with some surrogate grandparents, which was great since I also didn't have grandparents growing up [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 01:34 PM Flag
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your kid is anxious because you are. I mean to make an immediate appointment with a psychologist without first seeing how they do with this reveals your high level of anxiety about your kids. you need to relax, and they will start to be less anxious. even your description "lifeless body.." is over the top. I am a psychiatrist, btw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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as a therapist specializing in childhood trauma/bereavment, i'd say rushing them to the therapist sends a message that this is an overhwelming situation. i'd have advised you first to work with them yourself, see what symptoms if any they exhibit, then see therapist if needed. get some books to read with them about feelings, about death. dont overdo it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.24.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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