UrbanBaby

06.23.08, 11:21 AM New York City
15 replies

would this upset you? man i have been seeing for almost 6 months is divorced and has a child with his ex. She tends to get very upset about him making his own decisions in his life and still tries to control him. I asked him what would happen if he decided to get married and move in with someone. he said "well, she doesn't want to live with me, so i don't understand why she would be upset". my point being, he always goes back to "she doesn't want to live with me" "she doesn't want to be with me", "she would never want to get back together". as though its her decision entirely and if she came back tomorrow he would jump at the opportunity. am i being oversensitive? she left him FWIW. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
New York City 06.23.08, 11:21 AM Flag

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

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UrbanBaby Support

No it sounds like he is still thinking about her a lot. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:23 AM Flag

Sounds like he isn't quite over it. It would bother me. But I'm not sure you can approach him about it or do anything about it either. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:23 AM Flag

OP: thats the thing. i don't think i can do anything about it. i am scared to even move closer to him because of comments like that that he makes. it was years ago btw [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:25 AM Flag

He sounds bitter. He might not still want to get together with her, but there's definitely issues with him getting past the separation. I think there are plenty of other fish in the sea. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:26 AM Flag

how would i know the difference between bitter and still "in love"? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:27 AM Flag

You can't. And he might not either. You have to assess your relationship based on what you DO know. This is an issue that obviously bothers you and perhaps rightfully so. But what about his other qualities? Would it be tragic to let this one go and move on to another relationship? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:31 AM Flag

not tragic but we have been together 6 months and have grown quite close. and i really really like him in my life [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:32 AM Flag

It doesn't sound like he is over being dumped. I do not think you should get too serious with this guy-- you don't want to be the transition gf [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:24 AM Flag

6 months divorced, how long separated? My mom left my dad and sounded very similar, he didn't get over the divorce for 3 years. It doesn't sound like he is ready for another relationship yet. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:26 AM Flag

he has been divorced for 2.5 years. other then that he seems to be great [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:27 AM Flag

Just based on my experience w/ my dad, I would say he's not ready yet. There is no point to dating someone that isn't over his ex in 2.5 years. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:28 AM Flag

np: why would you think he isn't over her. i posted below about the idea that he is making a point, as in why would she care, she doesnt want to be married to me anyway. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:29 AM Flag

maybe he is just making a point "i don't see why she would be upset if you borrowed her dress. she doesn't even like it or wear it anyway" see what i mean? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:26 AM Flag

um, no [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:29 AM Flag

why not? just because he is making a point about why she shouldnt care does not mean he is still in love with his ex wife [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:30 AM Flag