< Return to Talk
06.23.08, 08:44 AM General Topics
31 replies
DH and I have fallen on hard times. Money problems, marriage problems, we fight constantly, we are both miserable. I am torn about whether to stick it out (weve been together for 7 years) or end things now while i am still young and can start again. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:44 AM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
do you have kids? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:47 AM Flag
»
one DC who is 9.5 mo [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:48 AM Flag
»
well,that's why. it's hard with a new baby. just wait it out for another year and reassess [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:51 AM Flag
»
you owe it to your kid to try to make it work. and unless there is abuse going on, I think there should be a law against getting a divorce when you have a kid that young. every couple goes through rough times with a new baby. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:51 AM Flag
»
you aren't going to do your kid any favors sticking around in this situation [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:08 AM Flag
»
bullshit -- you're doing your kid a world of favors. a kid's life is waaay better with an intact family. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 02:03 PM Flag
»
did you read below how he constantly yells at her, can't make rational financial decisions? I doubt that's a great environment for the kid [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 02:14 PM Flag
»
ITA! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:14 AM Flag
»
remember that part about for better or for worse? This is the worse part. Stick it out. You will be glad you did [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:49 AM Flag
»
But working on problems is different than enduring them [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:15 AM Flag
»
I'm using her words but yes - working on a marriage is different than sitting around feeling miserable. She must have found something good about this guy to marry him, so hopefully there is something worth salvaging. I think OP just wants to be a victim here [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:17 AM Flag
»
Well, that's for her to decide. I agree with you that we all have free will and if she comes to the realization that the relationship isn't salvagable, then she can choose to leave and build a new life. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:19 AM Flag
»
of course. But I would like for that to much more of a last resort in most cases (abuse fraud etc excluded of course) I think most people are too quick to leave a marriage. Just my opinion though, ;-) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:23 AM Flag
»
OP: Why would you think that i want to be a victim? You think i want this for my life? You think i want DC to sit and watch us fight? You think that i sit around saying woe is me, poor me? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:25 AM Flag
»
Are these things you feel cannot be worked out in counselling? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:49 AM Flag
»
I am guessing that if the money problems get solved, a lot of the marriage problems will go away. Unless it was like this before the money problems started, I would stick it out. No one is easy to live with when times are tough. Also, divorce will likely exacerbate the money problems. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:50 AM Flag
»
OMG!! Do you even realize how difficult a divorce is?! signed not so gay divorcee [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:53 AM Flag
»
OP: Thank you. Yes, the money problems are a big stress. Dh is a good guy but sometimes i feel he brings out the worst in me. I feel like it should be the opposite. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:54 AM Flag
»
Have you considered counseling? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:58 AM Flag
»
yes, ive asked him to go and he refuses. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:59 AM Flag
»
hm, sounds like marriage counseling is in order. also sounds like money problems are making him behave erratically. some people do the exact opposite of what they should when they are stressed. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:07 AM Flag
»
OP: Here is the thing. Dh is a good guy but his faults outweigh the goods by a mile. To start: He is selfish (ie: we are broke yet he goes out and spends $100 on rounds of golf after me begging him not to) he is racist, he is over weight and refuses to get healthy, he yells at me constantly, he argues with me about any little thing, like the color of the sky, which has in turn made me an argumentative person. thats jsut to start. why did i marry him? Im not sure, i think i was more into the idea of marriage than who it was that i married. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 08:58 AM Flag
»
in that case I would be running to the door. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:02 AM Flag
»
From what you just described, I'm not quite seeing the "good guy" part. If he refuses counseling, I suggest you go on your own. That will help you see through to your own well being. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:03 AM Flag
»
OP: I feel trapped a lot of the time. I SAH with DC (my job before dc wouldnt cover daycare cost etc). I find myself looking online at apartments for me and DC to move to and taking a mental catalog of what is mine vs his in our home that i could bring with me. But if i were to leave or do a trial sep im not sure how i could survive. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:07 AM Flag
»
that's a tough one... he obviously has some pretty big issues to work out, and is completely uninterested in doing so. How much of your life is this worth? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:17 AM Flag
»
You could contact a women's shelter for advice. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:18 AM Flag
»
I divorced with NO children. It was hell for about 5 years because of the debt that came with getting divorced. I now make a good living but I have a MS in computer science. I would really try counseling first, then look at divorce. It is really tough financially. If you know you have help, go for it. But be prepared for a MAJOR lifestyle change. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 09:26 AM Flag
»
If ou think you have money problems now, just wait until you get divorced. You will need to have that same income cover 2 households or you will have to go back to work and find cheap childcare. You really need to think things through. A divorce can be much harder than being married. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 01:54 PM Flag
»
If you think you have money problems now, try having that same income support 2 households. Plus be prepared to go back to work and find cheap childcare. A divorce can be much harder than being married [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 01:56 PM Flag
»
Staying together in an unhappy marriage for the kids is very unhealthy for all parties involved. Your child will be happiest if you are happy...that's the bottom line. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.23.08, 02:54 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions