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06.22.08, 18:11 PM NY Schools
84 replies
I think parents of dds generally over react to the boys in the class. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
NY Schools 06.22.08, 06:11 PM Flag
 

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I think parents who only have dd's might. Those of us with ds's as well are comfortable with the boys. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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Without question! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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How are they over reacting? I'm a parent of a dd - just curious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:18 PM Flag
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just reading here, it seems that there is a lot of worry about wild boys running rampant and disturbing the sweet little girls in early elementary. But in my experience, the boys leave the sweet girls alone, and the wild girls usually approach them to play. also, by the end of K or 1st grade, the girls become little terrors...bossy, teasing, and chasing the boys around. so its funny to me that all the parents come from preschool with all this fear of the wild boys. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:26 PM Flag
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the girls become little terrors in pre K. Both of my ds's have had to deal with this in pre K (they are 5 and 7 now)- and it seems to be the alpha girls' mothers who are the ones complaining about the savage boys [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:34 PM Flag
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my dd loves to play with the boys in her preschool class, and I'm so thankful for those boys, because the girls can be so cliquish already (and my dd is not boyish, or wild - she likes to play with the girls too) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:45 PM Flag
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df told me a parent in her ds's class has commented on her ds'd size several times saying the girls might be afraid of him because he is tall. she was dumbfounded. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:18 PM Flag
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dumb would be used to describe the author of this comment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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LOL! what an idiot! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:21 PM Flag
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That was the case in preschool and maybe K. Since first grade on, it's girl behavior (cliques, mean queen bees, teasing etc.) that has been the biggest problem. Boys settled down and girl insecurities are raging wild. And I have a girl, btw, so not biased boy mom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:23 PM Flag
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I would say the opposite. Many parents of "wilder" boys in my dd's class UNDER react to their horrible behavior. At the end of school party, on boy marched up to a little girl and pushed her right off her feet so that she fell on the ground. Everyone saw it. It was totally unprevoked. The mother just said "Excuse me, I don't think I like that very much!" and then sat him on her lap for the sing-along. Same mother plus others have some really out of control boys who created a lot of stress and chaos in the classroom this year. Yes it was hard on the teachers but they are paid/qualified to deal with it. My dd and a few others (including two boys) were really overwhelmed and stressed out by the environment in the class and the physical dangers (pushing, hitting, tackling) these boys created. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:24 PM Flag
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What would you have preferred the mom do? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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np: it sounds like a preschool party. perhaps or would have liked that the mother take him out and tan his hide. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:29 PM Flag
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OP: Are you seriously asking me this question? The kid should have been made to apologize to the girl and he should have been removed from the party for a while. He is 5 years old. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:41 PM Flag
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^^^oops sorry, not OP. Meant OR. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:41 PM Flag
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np: I disagree. End o year party, everyone looking on. my dc would have had a mega meltdown in front of everyone if I had pushed it that far. I would not have done it at that moment, but would have insisted on an apology later. who wants a huge disruption at that moment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:44 PM Flag
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I believe parents like you are the problem. you are letting yourself be controlled by your child....so afraid of a public meltdown that you allow him to physically hurt another child with no reprocussions. Who cares if there's a meltdown? The kid pushed another kid to the ground! That calls for a scolding, a time out and then an apology to the kid he pushed. In what school of parenting is this not a no-brainer? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:49 PM Flag
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for crying out loud lady. A five year old pushed another five year old. Chill. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:54 PM Flag
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Oh honey....you're raising one of those bullies aren't you? I just don't understand parents like you. I mean of course, it's no big deal that a 5 year old pushed another kid, but the fact that the mother didn't react at all IS a big deal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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She did react. And don't call me honey, btw. She told him she didn't like the behavoir, she sat him on her lap to keep him away from the other children and she calmed him down. NONE of us know what she did or said to him after the preschool party. She didn't react AS YOU WOULD. Oh well, there is always more than one way to skin a cat. Any your bully comment, rude and out of line. Not to mention the fact that you have no idea what type of parent I am. Simply because I choose to find quiet times to teach life lessons and don't parents for the approval of other parents doesn't mean you are the better parent. As a matter of fact, with you condescending attitude and your accusations I suspect you have some room for growth. Have a nice night. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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Maybe you should take some of your hysterical, reactionary tone that you use with adults, shave about 10 points off the top and add it to the under-reacting you do with your kid? You could strike a nice balance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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were you abused as a child? you sound a bit crazy, like someone beat you up once upon a time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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LOL. On that happy note, I"m siging off. Thanks responder. You made me laugh [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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np: she did react. she took her dc, admonished him and held on to him so no further trouble would ensue. she likely punished him later. you are very judgemental, and can only see one way to parent. not everyone would agree with your methods. I for one, do not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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Its a troll. You can tell by the posts that try and suck you in with personal attacks. Leave her or him be. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:13 PM Flag
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NP, and I don't think she's a troll at all. I think she's right on. A 5 yo who pushes another child should be dealt with sternly, not sing-songingly coddled. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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all kinds of different parents out there...thankfully! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:30 PM Flag
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Amen! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:31 PM Flag
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wait until another five year old comes up and smacks your five year old; you'd be judging that kid's parents if they didn't attempt any discipline. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:18 PM Flag
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this has happened to my dc. usually there has been a story behind it. usually the parent deals with it in some way, even if not in my presence. I am not so easily freaked out by occasionally aggressive behavior among preschoolers. it happens. everyone is mortified. the kids get in trouble and are dealt with one way or another. I do not call for the death penalty in most cases : ) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:48 PM Flag
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ITA, if you're worried that we're judging your parenting, we already have, so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by publicly displining your unruly child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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who knows what happened? I certainly would deal with it, just not at that time in a very public way. I think it would have been selfish of me to make a big ruckus at the start of the end of year party sing a long, and my dc would have been humiliated in a way that was unnecessary. I would not be happy about it, I would punish him, but I would not do it in front of the entire class, his teachers etc just to make sure people like you think I am doing my job as a parent. I am aware that your type will hang me in your court of sanctimommy opinion, but it is the way I believe. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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But what you are talking about is removing the child and dealing with it privately, out in the hall. i'm all for that. Instant removal from the fun party, a scolding and short "time out" in the hallway, then a return to the party if the child calms down, explains what he did wrong (to show he understands) and apologizes to the other kid. This mother just sat him in the place of honor on Mommy's lap and went on with the party. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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Thats is one way to look at it, or she put him on her lap to calm him down and make sure he didn't push anyone else. Why do you feel such a need to dictate to the absoulute degree the right and only way to deal with this. That is really weird. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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NP: Oh please you people are ridiculous. A kid pushes another kid, you dicipline your friggin' kid. It's not rocket science. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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yes, but whether you do it publically in front of all the preschool sanctimommies looking for blood is another question. frankly, they would like to see the kid hung out to dry. good for the mom for protecting her kid from the mob [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 03:14 AM Flag
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I'm right there with you sister. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:11 PM Flag
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Frankly, I think the kid should have been marched out immediately and had serious consequences to deal with for the next few weeks. The disruption already happened, right? A kid got knocked down. that's beyond disruptive. What kind of message does ignoring it send? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:53 PM Flag
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OR of this story: I don't think consequences for several weeks mean anything to a 5 year old. I think you deal with it then and now. If you wait until after the party or if you continue the punishment for a day or more after it loses its meaning because they forget what they are being punished for. I think immediae reactions are the most effective...removal from the party, time out, option to apologize and re-join the party or straight home and into his room. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:56 PM Flag
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If only it were this simple. One way to parent. All children react the same. If only... :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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Yes you're right, but the one thing I think applied to all children is that the other poster's plan (to ignore the behavior because it might create a melt-down at the end-of-year party) is absurd and indicative of crappy parenting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:00 PM Flag
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I am that "other" poster and for the life of me I don't understand where you got ignore. I said rid the risk - make sure there is not risk to anyone and deal with the behavoir after the party. What is wrong with you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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actually, I'm not the meltdown mom - but she was saying the same thing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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I am the other poster who agrees with you. some of these women want blood...even if it is from a preschooler. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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I swear, and he didn't even push HER child. Geeze. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:17 PM Flag
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What kind of parent would punish a preschool child for weeks, WEEKS for pushing another child? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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You would punish your kid for weeks for pushing? That's nuts. Kids push. It happens. Yes, he should have had a time out (which he basically did when mom put him in her lap), but h doesn't need the stockade for pushing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:36 PM Flag
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I'm sorry, but I gotta disagree with you - at 5, they are old enough to know that pushing is absolutely not allowed and should be dealt with seriously. And, yes, I think it is parents like you who lead the moms of dd's to criticize boys. Physical aggression is not OK by the age of 5 and if a dc does it, they need immediate consequences. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 08:44 AM Flag
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np. ITA, but the mom who said her dc would get a consequence that lasted WEEKS is nuts. I agree with the other poster who said remove dc from the room immediately for a time-out, then back into the room when he's ready to apologize to the other dc, then it's over with. And if the dc who pushed decides to have a meltdown because he's being discipline at the party, too bad. At least it happens outside of the room. If he can calm himself down he gets to go back inside and apologize, and if he can't he can go home. Never, ever put off immediate consequences because you're afraid the dc might make a scene. That's ridiculous and lazy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 03:31 PM Flag
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Yes, I am seriously asking you that question. Personally, I think forced apologies are meaningless. They certainly are not heartfelt. And the child did not have to be removed from the party either. Some parents, rid the risk and deal with behavoir in private. Which is what I would have done and if my dc worked around to how to make her feel better and came up with the idea of apologizing (with a little prompting) so much the better than me standing over him saying, You apologize right now and him grunting one out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:48 PM Flag
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So basically, your kid is the king of the castle and there are no consequences for poor behavior and no punishments when his actions hurt others. You are so unskilled as a parent you can't bring him around to understanding what he has done and he is completely devoid of empathy (a condition you fostered and now cow-tow to). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:51 PM Flag
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you are insane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:53 PM Flag
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NP sorry, but you are the one who's insane if you think it's OK to let a child just get away with pushing another kid. That's the one thing I won't tolerate...hurting another child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:54 PM Flag
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np: you sound really crazy. I think some parents prefer to deal with this sort of thing in private. doesn't mean they aren't dealing with it. you need to chill. you sound like you might burst a blood vessel just theorizing about this here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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Another np, but if you don't deal with this stuff in the moment, the opportunity to teach the child is really lost. Children this age react to immediate consequences, not a bedtime talk about expectations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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You are wrong. At five, you have a great shot at finding teaching moments during the quiet times - the walk home, the ride in the car. As a matter of fact, those are your best shots. Children listen then. Think about. It will serve you well in the future. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:20 PM Flag
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That is when you REMIND them. WHen you revisit the situation and talk about it. But if you don't react in the moment, the power to really teach them consequences is lost. I'm honestly surprised at this exchange - I agree with the original OR that this situation is a no-brainer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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She did react in the moment. For some reason, some posters are choosing to ignore this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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"Excuse me, I don't think I like that very much?" That's the way you think an aggressive child should be dealt with? No time out, no apology, no leaving? How is the kid going to know it's wrong? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:28 PM Flag
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You don't know what the mom chose to do as punishment at home. I'm tired of this silly argument. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:30 PM Flag
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I hate when parents use such wishy-washy language. It also sends the wrong message to kids. I think a direct statement is far better: "Alan, don't push." (And yes, I think the child should have been removed.) You also want to give your first attention to the child who was pushed and make sure she is OK (so kids don't push in order to get adult's attention). (np) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 04:37 AM Flag
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But the mom DIDN'T deal with it in private. She stayed at the party. Dealing with it in private means leaving the party. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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no it doesn't. mom delt with it by telling her child it was wrong and by removing him (putting him on her lap) to calm down and making sure he couldn't push again. No problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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apologies at the age aren't about being heartfelt sincerity, it's mostly about admitting that one did something wrong and acknowledging it. the problem really is that most parents of problem children are so used to that kind of behaviour that it seems almost the norm and they don't really notice it anymore they've been so worn down. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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I can't tell if you are saying you think forced apologies are meaningless or you should do them. But it doesn't really matter. I agree with other poster, nothing worse than an insincere apology. I could kill dh when he pulss that crap! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:34 PM Flag
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teachers are failing to control their class. There were 15 boys and 9 girls in my ds's K class this year. No ongoing problems like that in class. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:30 PM Flag
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That doesn't sound half bad. I know moms of boys who hit and push other kids but don't say a single thing or do anything. They laugh and say "oh, boys will be boys." These moms drive me NUTS. These boys will be screened out by TTs or even if accepted, expelled. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 01:51 PM Flag
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to the poster who thinks the boys are indeed wild, what grade are we talking about? sounds like preschoolers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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pre-K....5 years old by the end of the year when the incident took place. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:53 PM Flag
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as a mother of 2 boys, think of this constantly. i'm actually in favor of single-sex education for various subjects throughout the day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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that's funny. always thought I was against ss ed. As mom of ds I am for it for boys in elemetary and girls in middle. No one in high [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:31 PM Flag
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or: ita. i think of subjects that boys and girls absorb differently and think it's best to adapt to them. i'd love that. (and i remember looking back at elementary school and that i can see what they mean0 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:34 PM Flag
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I have a low-key boy and seems to me that there are lots of out-of-control boys and GIRLS. DS is pretty easy-going but from what he tells me, there are plenty of girls who just as pushy as some boys, but he seems to hold his own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:32 PM Flag
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I am happy for the wild boys signed mom of wild indian daughter who loves to play with the boys except the one who scratches her face [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:34 PM Flag
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she probably gives him cause, no? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:39 PM Flag
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np - sort of like "she was asking for it" by wearing such a short skirt? Surely you jest. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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Did anyone else notice how many times the boys were described as wild? They are not wild. They are normal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:40 PM Flag
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OP: I was inspired to post after reading another post about "wild, immature boys" scoring well on olsat, as opposed to their calm, mature, low scoring peers. kills me how these kids are characterized. feel the boys will grow up feeling they are bad from all this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:42 PM Flag
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hopefully their parents have a clue. And, never fear - the most judgemental mom I know (who gave birth to a quiet, mature, girl - had a terror for her second child. I will never forget the day when I got to say, "And you thougt it was your parenting didn't you" and she said Yes! (knowingly) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:45 PM Flag
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That's no reason to be permissive about "normal" behaviors that cause other children to be hurt or pushed around. It might be normal but it's not OK and should not be treated like it's OK. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:43 PM Flag
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i have dd's, and I don't think I overreact, but I do notice what is going on. i just think that in many cases, boys and men can dominate discussion, etc-not every teacher is aware of what is happening or what they are doing. my older dd did a demo sports class where she was the only girl-the boys were really active and the teacher did not do much to engage them or my dd. we switched. but to generalize over stuff is wrong-it is more about being aware of what is happening in class [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:53 PM Flag
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Just wait - the girls become positively horrible by 2nd or 3rd grade. I agree that being hurt (by children of either sex!) should not be tolerated, but I think this is an equal opportunity situation. A girl in my son's preschool class (developmental school) repeatedly scratched him in the face leaving a scar. Older son (99+ has always loved school now doesn't want to go) being hit and pinched. He will not retaliate because he doesn't want to hurt his "friends", but is now being taunted as "weak" - nice. I observed a girl walk right up to him and punch him twice while mom chatted. Girl said "you can't hit be back because I'm a GIRL!" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 04:48 AM Flag
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I think some do, most do not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 05:18 AM Flag
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Mother of an only DD and I am much more concerned about mean girl behavior than how the boys behave. The girls can be much more devastating to each other, and their behavior can be more difficult for teachers to detect and manage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 01:12 PM Flag
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