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06.22.08, 14:24 PM General Topics
21 replies
DH here who needs some advice from all the dw's here. DW and I have been mostly happily married for 30+ years and have two wonderful teenagers (dd - 13, ds - 15). The problem is, I am 54 y/o and my libido has fallen thru the floor. We rarely have sex anymore. That feels okay for me but makes her very unhappy. I've offered her several options (which I won't go into here) but it basically comes down to she want me to be physically passionate for her. Tried Viarga and Cialis but they do nothing for libido. Any ideas on what I can do to make her happy? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.22.08, 02:24 PM Flag
 

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I'll tell you what I tell myself. You have to change your thinking. I'm in menopause and no longer have those thoughts as often as I used to. Now, when I do get a thought, I emphasize it to myself. I keep thinking about it. I focus on it. I also try to remember that once I get going, I usually enjoy it too. Talk to your doc maybe. I know men are different [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:26 PM Flag
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OP: Thank you.... I have spoken with my doc about testosterone but he says that low-testosterone is really rare. Also said that low sex drive is mostly mental. Thanks, doc! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:32 PM Flag
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LOL! I'm not a real doctor, but I play one on UB! ;-) Seriously - get the testosterone level checked to rule it out and then think about it more. Look at porn to get yourself started if you have to. Whatever it takes. GL! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:33 PM Flag
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I hate to say it, but I would try therapy. I would also get your testosterone tested, as this happened to my step-dad, and it was pretty easily fixable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:27 PM Flag
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OP: We did a year of therapy. It helped our relationship but not our sex life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:34 PM Flag
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That's a tough one. I think compromise is the key. My dh wants sex more than I do, so some nights I put out when I'm not really feeling it and some nights he goes to bed without. I try to make it balanced. Right now, he probably wants it 5-6 times a week, I want it about twice, so we end up in the middle somewhere between 3-4 nights. I always end up enjoying it though, if that's not the case for you, then I wouldn't give the same advice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:40 PM Flag
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OP: Since you still want sex, then let me pose a hypothetical to you. Say, you wanted sex a few times a week but your dh did not but he cared about your needs. If he offered to use his fingers or a toy whenever you wanted sex and he didn't, would that be okay? Or would sex have to be intercourse for you to be happy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:55 PM Flag
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sex would have to be intercourse at least 50% of the time I think. There's nothing that can replace that intimacy (which is why I'm not a lesbian). I applaud your willingness to try to make your wife happy though. You seem to be a very considerate dh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 03:01 PM Flag
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I have several thoughts. First is, fake it till you make it. Be as enthusiastic as you can! Is she not beautiful to you? Doesn't she dress well? Can you pretend? Another one is to see a sex therapist, maybe one that is also a psychiatrist or some awareness of underlying issues. If this lack of libido is new to you, it could reflect an underlying psychological or physical issue. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:31 PM Flag
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OP: She is a very attractive woman. I used to follow her around drooling and probably still would if I had any drool left. She's in menopause now and also has a reduced sex drive but not nearly as low as mine. The few times this last year that I've tried to initiate, she tenses up and either says it's a bad time or wants to talk about my emotional state first. She does not initiate sex. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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Are you still reading this, OP? Since your wife rejects your few advances but complains about wanting sex, something isn't adding up here. Couples therapy is in order here. Good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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Weed. Weed and porn. Viagra isn't about libido, just blood flow. Pot is about libido. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:41 PM Flag
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threesome? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:42 PM Flag
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OP: Let's see. I can either be unable to get it up with two women instead of just one -OR- I can watch my wife get laid by another man. Hmmmmm....which circle of hell shall I choose? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:50 PM Flag
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LOL! You are really funny! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:58 PM Flag
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OP: Thanks! It's either laugh or cry. I'm an eternal optimist, so I always try for the former. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 03:02 PM Flag
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OP: Gawd, it's been years since I smoked any. I was seriously horny all the time then so I would not have known the difference. Maybe now, I'd see the difference. I wonder where one buys weed these days? Thanks for the out-of-the-box advice! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:48 PM Flag
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i wish i knew where to send you -- other than the cliche washington square park. i bet if you dropped a hint to a friend or two, making a joke, someone somewhere is doing it and can help you. really, though, WEED. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 03:46 PM Flag
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this is FAKE!!! who writes like this on ub [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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OP: I do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 06:50 PM Flag
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OP: I want to thank everyone for their replies. You've given me a lot to think about. I'm going to push to have a testosterone test with my GP and I'll do what I can do to be in a more sexual place with my dw. And Weed...thanks for the tip. Very old-school. I like it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 09:51 PM Flag
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