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06.21.08, 19:06 PM General Topics
19 replies
I used to think I was a pretty good mother, but as my first DD gets older (she's 4.5) and is testing me more and more, I feel like maybe I'm not so good after all. She's one of those kids who when she's good is very good, when she's bad she's horrid. I lose my patience so quickly. I'll yell, curse, say things that are immature and hurtful. What is wrong with me?? I am starting to get really upset about it because what if I really am a terrible mom and I've been kidding myself all this time. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.21.08, 07:06 PM Flag
 

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I am /was you. Read "Scream Free Parenting." I hate books about parenting but this book is truly amazing. And recognizing your limitations and asking for help means you are a good mother. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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It's normal to lose your patience but just don't curse at your kids! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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I know. But I'm a curser by nature (not that I talk like a sailor, but have always found a lot of release when I am upset by cursing) and it's hard to stop. I guess I kind of understand how abusers say they can't stop. It's out of my mouth before I even think. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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np: why is it such a big deal, really? As long as you're not calling them names, the occasional curse word is not going to hurt them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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OP here. I would never call her a name. I drop the F bomb. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:16 PM Flag
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bad grammar or below: same here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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You are not a horrible mom; you donesn't haven't been tested too much until now. IMO, 4.5 yo was about the worse so far. My dc is 5.2 yo now, and it's still not pretty. I've also resort to swearing, screaming, and throwing my own fits. It's really tough. Try not to give her too much negative attention, praise the good stuff, and be consistent. (now if I can just follow my own advice!). GL! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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omg...I so cannot type. Sorry for the crap grammar. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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Thank you. She had gone through such a terrific spell until a few months ago. I thought the worst of the toddler/pre-school bad behavior was over. It's been a daily struggle with her lately. I'll check out the book. Thanks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:11 PM Flag
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OR (with the book) - this time of year is also very stressful - school ending, transitions, etc. and the age is difficult. Don't beat yourself up. We all have limitations - recognizing them and working to change your behavior is much easier than you think it is, I promise!! I was doing everything you say you are and, while it hasn't stopped, it has really improved. I try to focus on the positive... when dd does something I want repeated I tell her "I like when you....." and when she is behaving a way that I know will bring us down that path I try to start with "I really like it better when you... " to try to redirect her behavior. The more I have done this the more it works. The book is great b/c it isn't all self-help-y - it's just very common sensical. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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I just looked it up on Amazon and it looks interesting but it references that the principles are "based on scriptural truths" Is it a secret Jesus-y book? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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Huh? There isn't a single thing in there that references religion or scripture. These aren't the Babywise people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:27 PM Flag
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Cool. It was in the little blurb that Amazon provides. Otherwise it looks very interesting. I'll buy it. Thanks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:28 PM Flag
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Of course now I'm wondering if it was so subtle I was subliminally indoctrinated! (JK). No idea where that came from. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:30 PM Flag
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np: 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child is a good one. Very simply written, but also a lot of common sense stuff. I haven't read the Screamfree one, so not sure how it compares. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:32 PM Flag
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i just walk away when I am so mad. i am on west coast this week and ended up putting dc to bed now after umpteen temper tantrums, dc was screaming and I just walked away, couldn't handle my anger [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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Its not about you being "good" or "bad". You need to get a hold of yourself and exert some self control. These are vital teachings years and you are modeling poor behavior. Get some therapy or some other kind of help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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You're not a terrible mom just because your daughter pushes back. Give yourself a break. We all lose our tempers. Doesn't make you a bad mom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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actually, not being able to control herself or her language on a regular basis might make her a bad mother. she is the adult, she needs to be able to control herself. if she cannot get a grip as an adult, what does she expect of a 4 yo?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:20 AM Flag
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