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06.20.08, 11:42 AM General Topics
13 replies
Anyone have a parent that got remarried when you were an adult and then they stopped having contact with you? My dad is getting remarried and has very little contact with us. I'm wondering how to keep the lines of communication open so that my dcs might get a chance to know him someday, while at the same time I'm really hurt/exhausted and would like to tell him to go to hell. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.20.08, 11:42 AM Flag
 

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why is he doing this? my dad remarried but we are all very close to step mother. he is making a big mistake - must really hurt. sorry! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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Mostly, I think it's because he's in arrested grief over losing my mom 2 yrs ago. He just jumped into this relationship and didn't really mourn my mom, so it's too hard for him to see us because we just remind him of her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 11:45 AM Flag
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wow- op you must be so sad. to lose your mom (been there too) and then have your father distance himself. give him time but don't let him go. some people are more fragile then others and less able to cope. he will snap out of it and be there again. 2 years out of the mnay they were together is not a long time. i hope he comes around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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Yes, similar situation. It's been almost 10 years and we're settled into taking on the phone maybe once every 3 months. He's only met my 5 yo 1x, and even though he seemed really into the grandpa thing while he visited and promised to come more often, it's been another 2 years... I've pretty much just let it go. Not worth the effort/heartbreak. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 11:47 AM Flag
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I'm so very sorry. This just made me start sobbing. I'm not kidding. How do you handle it? Do you see or speak at holidays? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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You know he's such a grumpy ass that I'm basically over it. I called him on father's day and he said "these holidays are so exhausting, all of you keep calling" - I'm like WTF?! Sorry I ruined your day! I think I was much more upset by it in the beginning, not it sadly just feels kind of normal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 11:50 AM Flag
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^^^ I totally agree with above poster btw, your situation sounds different than mine - I would continue to make an effort, your dad will likely come around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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How is it different? Were your parents divorced? I actually wonder sometimes how much I would even care if my mom was still alive, and they were divorced, if he was deciding to "break up" with us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 11:55 AM Flag
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My mom is still alive - they divorced when she discovered that he had been cheating on her with our neighbor for their entire marriage - 18 years. So my Dad was always an asshole! Sounds like yours may just be going through a phase of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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I really want it to feel normal. I think the hardest part is all the lies, telling us that he is going to be around more and not showing, saying that he still cares about us, when he clearly doesn't. I just want it to end, but how the heck do you tell your dad, who is widowed, not to contact you any more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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I think you would regret that down the line. He's still relatively recently widowed... if you have the nerve to say something like "jeez dad, it was hard enough losing mom, now it feels like we're losing you too" - that may strike a cord. You never know. I would recommend keeping whatever distance you need to not feel hurt, but don't cut him out completely. He'll come around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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My mom got engaged to a man after my dads death. He totally alienated her from us and the family. I will never forgive him or her. They were together 6 years. Now she has Alzhiemiers and he has given her back to me because its too much for him. MAJOR JERK!! Dont let anyone come between you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 12:18 PM Flag
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Ok, this is a bit over the top. OP's dad has a right to have a life still, many men have no clue how to live alone especially if married for a long time so unless OP wants him to move in with her she is probably better off supporting the relationship. There is no excuse for him not seeing his kids and grandkids though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.20.08, 12:23 PM Flag
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