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06.19.08, 17:40 PM General Topics
60 replies
If your dh was a CEO and gone all of the time, but you had a nice home, life, 4 dcs, and were happy for the most part except he was a workaholic, emotionally distant and you weren't physically attracted to him, wwyd? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.19.08, 05:40 PM Flag
 

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It sounds like a commercial relationship. Not too comforting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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what does that mean? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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he pays and you provide the rest. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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you're being disingenuous [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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have a great life [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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how though without the love or time together? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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1) If you trade him in do you really think you will be better off? No, you will just have different issues -- and a lot less money. 2) The quality of your life is about YOU - your work, health, relationships, spirituality, etc. and most importantly how you give to others. We can never depend on a partner for fulfillment but if we lucky they are the icing on the cake. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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I know what you mean, i just go everywhere alone and i get lonely and he just doesn't understand. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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Why do you go everywhere alone? Bring a single friend, an older relative. Plenty of people would love your company. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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I am sorry you feel alone... do you have a good group of girlfriends that you share this with or are you living a life of "quiet desperation" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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I do things with my friends, but when i go places alone with the dcs, i see other couples out together and it makes me sad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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np: I'm sure a lot of women see you with a nice home and are sad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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sad enough to leave ? or sad enough to have an affair ? or just sad and you'll be lonely ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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sad to settle for a relationship without time or attention [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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i'm not sure i understand. don't all sahms go out alone with the kids? or are you saying you're out at night with them alone as well? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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np I'm not saying you're wrong... but wow, that's sad... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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op- we are also 20 years apart and maybe that's it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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you married him for his wealth, power and dominance and now that is the trap [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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No, I married him bc i loved him and he was nice and caring. He just throws himself into his job and i need him to make some time for us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:54 PM Flag
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have you gone to a counselor ? My DH and I went to a male counselor and I think the advice coming from another man meant more to my DH than if it had come from a woman who may not "understand what it's like to be a man in the business world" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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We have tried counseling, but he is set in his ways and i just have navigated my life with dcs on my own for the most part [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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Is he close to retiring ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:01 PM Flag
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no, unfortunately [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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Can you secretly sabotage his career ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:06 PM Flag
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lol, bad karma! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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can you stop by the office wrapped in saran Wrap ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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um, he's way too conservative and we are on different levels sexually [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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not too me, she is lucky to have financial freedom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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np: As opposed to a woman with an absentee husband who was working 80 hours a week doing manual labor to support her dc on the brink of poverty? OP's life sounds pretty good! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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I could work with that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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So here's my take...there are a lot of marriages out there like this without DH making a ton of money. I know money isn't everything but it is SOMETHING. Can you find emotional fulfillment in other ways i.e. friends, tennis, I'm not suggesting an affair [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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op- i wouldn't consider an affair, I am just craving attention [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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np: What do you do for a living? Do you get attention/feedback from your work? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:54 PM Flag
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I am a sahm with 4 dcs [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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Get a job. Then decide if you would be happier a SAHM with a DH who has to work around the clock to support you or as a divorced woman supporting herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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I have worked before, but it doesn't fill loves void [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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But it does give you perspective. You want a DH to support you and your DC AND shower you with time and affection. You may not get both. Which do you want? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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money isn't the answer to everything [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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Then leave your DH and support yourself and your dc yourself. But don't turn around and expect your DH to change and to suddenly lavish you and dc with time and attention. Make your choice and run with it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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oh yeah, sounds that easy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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I'm not the one who signed up for the wealthy older man than decided that I didn't like that his work takes up so much of his time. You made one choice already, that impacts what choices you have now. Changing him is not an option. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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lol, i hope you aren't a counselor or giving your friends advice [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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My friends aren't this silly. They don't expect to keep all the good traits of their DH's while changing the negatives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:12 PM Flag
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Then don't reply if you think peoples problems are silly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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This isn't a problem. This is a woman with too much money, too much time, and too little responsibility whining. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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at least i am not judgemental and jealous! goodnight [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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I'm not jealous. I have a great job, a wonderful family, and am not lonely. I don't rely on others to make me happy. Go count your money or do your nails...whatever makes you happy while your DH ignores you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:19 PM Flag
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wait, she has to make a choice? what a miserable life you lead. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:24 PM Flag
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She already made her choice. She chose her husband. Now that she chose the wealthy man who ignores her, she can chose to stay with him or to leave him. She can't chose to change him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:26 PM Flag
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ok, i get the pros (house, $$$, etc) but in what way is 4 dcs a plus? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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for me it is, i love them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:06 PM Flag
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of course you love them, that's not the point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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Only the wives of CEO's are allowed to have 4 DC. Didn't you get the memo? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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You are shrugging off a lot of good suggestions here. Sounds like you just want to vent. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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this is sad. life is short. find love with someone who appreciates you. i'd take less money for that any day. surprising so many feel different. although i guess it shouldn't be. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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I don't think people are saying that she should value money above all else. I think people are saying that IF she wants the financial stability, she MAY have to tolerate a less than perfect relationship. OP has basically said that she won't get a job, won't support herself, won't support her dc. She cares about the money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:24 PM Flag
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do you have any idea how much child care for 4 dcs would cost in New York for her to work full time? How much do you have to earn to pay for that and other stuff? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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I would consider leaving the marriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:23 PM Flag
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it depends what you want. if you want the home and etc and find other venues of personal fulfillment, why not. if you want a husband who is there both physically and emoitnally, then you need to figure something out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:37 PM Flag
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This group is very judgemental. Regardless of how OP got into this marriage, the fact is that she has to make choices for her children and herself based on the current reality. So her marriage is unfulfilling - as if all of you are superior for having discovered the secret to true love and marital bliss. OP, you need to take an analytical look at your choices. Talk to an attorney if you think you want to leave the relationship. You will learn what reality could look like (and NY state does not do a great job protecting women and their children, although in your case there could be enough money that you would be fine.) If you want to stay, then it is up to you to find your own happiness and center. So your marriage isn't good -- that doesn't define you, nor does it destin you or your kids to failure, despite some of the opinions here. Take steps to help yourself and your kids so that whatever route you choose, your emotional happiness will not be tied to this man. and the hell with these people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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