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06.19.08, 16:24 PM General Topics
39 replies
if you found out (via confession) that your DH who has never given you any reason to be unhappy in the past had a loss of sanity, morals, dignity, sobriety, etc and slept with a woman, would you be able to easily forgive ? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.19.08, 04:24 PM Flag
 

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easily, no way....but I would forgive, it would just take time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 04:25 PM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 04:32 PM Flag
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but you think you could get there ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 04:33 PM Flag
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I can't say for sure without being in that situation, but of any cheating scenario, this sounds like the one that I could most feasibly get past. There was a woman on earlier whose husband had an 18 month affair and the woman was pregnant. That would be entirely different! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 04:36 PM Flag
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OP that would be unforgivable, in my opinion... that's creating another life outside of the life you are living with me... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:06 PM Flag
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It would depend. One night stand or long-term affair? Is the affair on-going? is it over? when did it end? how much risk with my health did he take? bareback with a hooker? or condoms with a long-term girlfriend? how much grovelling is he willing to do? I might forgive a one-night stand, but giving me an STD or having DCs with other women - forgiveness may never come. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 04:30 PM Flag
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One night of stupidity... no long-term anything... and a man who is so beside himself that I'm starting to feel badly for him ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 04:31 PM Flag
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^^ not a hooker either... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 04:33 PM Flag
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DONT feel badly for him. If they can do it once... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 04:52 PM Flag
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I know... but I think that he may feel more sick about it right now than I do and that is also worrying...what does that say ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:06 PM Flag
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He feels guilt and remorse - you however have been blindsided by betrayal and abuse of your judgment and trust. His confession was a relief to him - he transferred all of his baggage onto your shoulders. You should have no sympathy for him because he feels plenty of pity for himself now (trust me). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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been in this nasty place ? I want to forget it has happened... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:17 PM Flag
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That he knows that he is wrong and that it's probably the first time. However, it doesn't mean that it can't happen again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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he knows... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:32 PM Flag
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not easily. as for ever, i guess it would depend on the particulars. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 04:55 PM Flag
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The real problem with the aftermath isn't him it will be you. How can you ever trust him again? And if you say you can now will that niggling bit of doubt ever completely go away/ Could you live witht hat worry always? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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It is doubt that will probably come into play in a big way soon... right now it's the immediate fallout that I'm working with... some moments I think "It can happen and it's just sex and what we have is not just sex" and then I think "he had sex with someone else"... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:05 PM Flag
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Honestly, I don't know that I could ever get over the images that would be playing in my head. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:06 PM Flag
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I don't really have images... just thinking, while I was watching reruns of "Law & Order" his penis was not where it should have been... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:08 PM Flag
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lol. sorry, but that's almost funny. you have a good attitude! how are you getting through this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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i have a glass of sangria right now and I'm eating lots of Bugles... remember Bugles ? Anyway, I feel like I'm watching someone else do this... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:18 PM Flag
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^^ and I haven't told a single friend because I don't want them to hate him... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:19 PM Flag
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ah. how kind of you! sounds like you're planning to stay with him? do you have kids? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:21 PM Flag
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2 ds's... and I couldn't imagine a better dad [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:22 PM Flag
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that's probably healthy for the time being. GL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:20 PM Flag
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thank you... I also keep thinking about all the hot men I could sleep with for revenge which I wouldn't do, but it is figuring prominently in my evil avenger fantasies... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:22 PM Flag
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i can understand that. can i ask, who WAS the tramp? what were the circumstances of this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:24 PM Flag
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Out of town sporting event... lots of drinks... she was there and was flirting back... easy elevator ride up... wakeup later in her room... go straight to the airport and home to me... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh, that just sucks. i'm so sorry. except for the std concern, i think it's much better that he didn't know her ... sounds like it, anyway? if she lives out of town, that would give me peace of mind, too, though not much more in terms of his judgment. so he just kind of walked in and confessed? that bodes well, actually. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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although, do you wish he'd never told you? why DID he tell you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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I guess he told because he is a guy who confesses... I forgot to take in the drycleaning, I called so and so and ruined the surprise party by mistake, etc... I think I'm glad he told me... Should I be mad that he told me ? I don't know ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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np: i've told dh that in that scenario i don't want to know. i do believe it can be just sex. a marriage (esp w kids) is about so much more. and there are far greater ways to be betrayed than a mindless hookup with some out of town stranger. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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I agree, but then I thinkthat maybe I shouldn't agree and I should make some point or make him worry for our future so he cheerishes it more, but then I think again and just want to stop thinking... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 06:00 PM Flag
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no, i don't mean that, i'm just asking. all you can do is go with how you feel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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Walked in looking like he'd been hit by a train. I said, "Hey... how was it," and he lost it... on his knees crying... I thought someone had died... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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ugh- I am starting to feel bad for him too. I can honestly understand how this can happen and in the end it could be the catalyst for an even better realtionship in the long run, especially since it seems like you are handling this amazingly well. He may have a great appreciation for you and your marriage and both of you hve an opportunity to come out of this better than ever- if that is what you want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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he is truly my best friend... I can't imagine him not being my best friend. We were friends for years before we even went on a date and I am just sort of numb... I did throw away every last thing from his suitcase... everything... but I have no other desire to do anything. I don't think I even want to talk about it with him right now... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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I'm glad to hear that you did something (throwing out things in his suitcase). That must have been theraputic. Make sure you don't go numb, you need to deal with your anger and mistrust or it will fester inside and ruin your relationship. Get angry, yell and scream, you have to get it out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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Maybe it just has to fully sink in in order to come out... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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