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06.19.08, 13:53 PM General Topics
25 replies
Friend of mine has been having an affair with a married man for 1 1/2 years now. The whole time there keep being deadlines where he's supposed to decide whether or not he's going to leave his wife. Of course the deadlines keep getting pushed back. My belief is that he has no intention of leaving his wife. A few weeks ago he told her that he told his wife he wants a divorce and has met someone else and that he's moving in with her. Now he tells her that his wife told him that she won't let him see his kids if he leaves for this "other woman" (i.e. my friend). Does this all sound like a load of horsesh*t? I think he is BS-ing to keep stringing my friend along. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.19.08, 01:53 PM Flag
 

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I think you know the answer to your question, don't you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 01:55 PM Flag
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OP: Yeah, but I've been with DH since I was 21 yo and sometimes think I might have a narrow view of what other men are like, you know? I guess I wanted confirmation that my instincts are correct. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:04 PM Flag
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she deserves what she's getting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 01:56 PM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:02 PM Flag
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Affairs: the fucking you get is NEVER worth the fucking you get [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:03 PM Flag
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OP: I think what she is doing is totally wrong, but I don't think that absolves him of the wrong against her if that makes sense. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:05 PM Flag
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He is scumbagging two people, whereas she is only scumbagging the wife. Still she's beneath contempt. Its sort of splitting hairs. Scum is scum. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:07 PM Flag
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OP: Yes, but she is believing his very well spun lies so she does not think that either of them are wrong in relation to the wife. He obviously KNOWS that they are. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:09 PM Flag
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np: starting a relationship with lying is a good indicator that things will remain that way. she'll learn [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:11 PM Flag
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no, if someone is married, he's married. You say, "call me when the papers are signed." That's just a general rule of existence, and everyone knows it, including your friend. She may have motivations you are not aware of, like wanting to pine for someone without actually having to be in a real relationship - i.e. dealing with daily life with that person. Affairs are more fun. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:12 PM Flag
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OP: She has motivations like being almost 40 yo, with low self esteem that makes her extremely vulnerable to believing the "you are the love of my life" type of lies. She definitely does not WANT it to be an affair. Almost no one knows - the fact that I know is due to odd circumstances/timing. It's no excuse though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:16 PM Flag
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np: yikes! it sounds like she has a lot to learn [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:19 PM Flag
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does she have/want kids? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:44 PM Flag
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i'd say maybe. she doesn't NOT want kids, but if it didn't happen, i think she'd be okay with that. about 5 years ago she dated someone older who did not want more children and she was fine with it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:59 PM Flag
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then she is deluding herself. she should be able to have some objectivity. and doctor phil would tell her that the guy should not start something new until he finishes with the old. so even if he really does want to be with her, she should tell him that she's leaving him until he finishes his relationship with his wife and if/when he does they may continue theirs. leave him now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:47 PM Flag
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OP: i think she tried that about 9 months in and they stopeed seeing eachother for a month or so, but he weasled his way back in. she IS deluding herself, i just wanted confirmation of that! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:52 PM Flag
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Dont forget her disregard for the children in the marriage... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:12 PM Flag
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if there was a textbook regarding affairs, this is a classic symptom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:00 PM Flag
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The stringing along or the actual lies about what is going on between him and wife or both? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:06 PM Flag
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all of the above [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:07 PM Flag
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Your friend sucks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:06 PM Flag
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OP: She has issues, first and foremost which is that she believed him when he told her his marriage was over. AFAIC, if he's still living at home, it is not over enough to date, but she believed him when he told her his wife knew that the marriage was over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:07 PM Flag
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np: they all do [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:09 PM Flag
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If hes still legally married but living on his own and they already have lawyers etc, then maybe they could date. Sometimes 'its over' long before they admit its over, so a judge's signature isnt everything. But he SHOULDNT be living with his wife and dating someone else.. thats pathetic. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:14 PM Flag
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OP: Yes. I would never believe a man who said that his marriage was "over" and his wife "knew" if they were still living together. I think this is the oldest line out there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.19.08, 02:21 PM Flag
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