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06.18.08, 12:34 PM New York City
34 replies
Baby nurse or no? We're 1st time parents, don't know anything and were thinking of hiring someone to help teach us for the first week. On the other hand, don't love the idea of having a stranger in the apt + a new baby and all. Recommendations? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
New York City 06.18.08, 12:34 PM Flag
 

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We didn't use one but my mother was with us for the first week - she would spend the days with the baby and me but would sleep at my sister's apt because we were still in a studio - so it worked out well. If she had not come, I probably would have gotten a doula, but not a baby nurse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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My mom is pretty nearby, but i'm not sure how helpful she can be. She's only done this once, her parenting skills are 32 years old, and she didn't breastfeed. Plus she apparently had a super easy labor with little recuperation needed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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I hear ya, but she will still lend you the confidence you might need - it's just nice having someone else around if dh is not available. Those moms, they really know more than we give them credit for... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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If you have a friend or family member that has kids that you like they could tell you what you need to know. My MIL showed me the easiest way to dress the baby etc. Also read a book like the Babywhisperer to give you some idea what to expect. There really isn't much you need to know about newborns except that they eat and sleep a lot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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I liked the babywhisperers books and some of her sugestions but she was sort of a condescending bitch about first time parents who didn't know anything about babies, imo [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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because the thing is, that there is absolutely nothing scary about a baby. You cannot do anything wrong! There is no wrong way to dress a baby, or a wrong way to change a diaper, etc., etc. You let your guts lead you and you learn from mistakes and experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:14 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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How many days would we potentially need. Maybe a week is too much? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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I was you! DH and I decided to try out the baby nurse thing and it worked well. We had her for about 10 days, adn DH went right back to work to "get things together." Then, he took off for two weeks (with a trip into the office here and there). Our moms both work and are nto in NYC, so it was nice to have someone organize clothes, the diaper bag, etc. We even had one night out while the nurse was here! I bf, btu it was nice while recovering to let the baby nurse burp and change dd so I could go right back to sleep. I used The Fox Agency. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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^^^DH took vacation after the baby nurse left. BTW, I had her show him how to do the bath (not me) so he became "in charge" of that part of dd's care every evening. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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OP - DH has his own business, so he will take off for as long as he needs, but he's as clueless as I am! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 01:31 PM Flag
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A baby in his first 2 months or so is not going to do more than eat, sleep, and make diapers. You can hardly do anything wrong here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:04 AM Flag
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this is really right - as long as you don't shake baby or drop it; the baby will be fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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ah, I forgot about that! That definitely requires a baby nurse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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One idea is to hire a "doula" who can come to the house for a few hours a day the first week and teach you all this, rather than stay with you round the clock. There are doula agencies you can call. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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That might be an idea. I spoke to someone at Frances Stewart for the baby nurses, and they seemed fine, but I haven't used a doula. Any good recs for agencies? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 01:31 PM Flag
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I would never had said yes before but I told would hire now after having had my first -- I had a c-section and had trouble breastfeeding and I would have loved to have someone else around to help. In the end, we were totally fine without help, but I was so tired and clueless that I think a little assistance would have been great. We had friends who had them who only raved, but by the time we came to the realization that we wanted one, the time had passed that we really needed it,. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.18.08, 01:34 PM Flag
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I had one for two weeks. She was fantastic and I would do it again. At 12 midnight, I said goodnight and closed my bedroom door--she took my son to her room. At 6am I got a knock on the door for breastfeeding. She was non obtrusive and was fantastic--we learned how to take care of our baby correctly and got some sleep! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 09:42 PM Flag
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I didnt like the idea of having someone stay with us either...we have a 2 bdrm. however...it was the best thing we did to have a baby nurse for 1 week!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.21.08, 09:58 PM Flag
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Can you email me with recommendations for baby nurse superkenator at gmail dot com. Thanks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 09:49 AM Flag
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Didn't w/ #1 & wouldn't have. He was a preemie and I was already home full-time so up w/ him. But my big sis (a NICU nurse) did come up 1 weekend a month to help out & my parents were very helpful too. Did get a baby nurse w/ #2--Dh had just gotten promoted, DS took the promotion to big brother hard, I was useless w/o sleep. Very, very helpful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:00 AM Flag
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We found the nurse annoying, but I would also just say that you can call an agency and decide at the last minute. Those little guys are scary and if you have an annoying MIL (I don't) the nurse can run interference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:02 AM Flag
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Right? I hated it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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eh. This would be a definite negative. You do not need to hire somebody to take care of a baby. Just bring the baby home and learn from her. What does a baby in the first few weeks do? Sleep, eat, and poop. Those are easiest days in your new life. If you are worried about not getting sleep anymore, well, yeah, that's not going to change for a long time so the few days in the beginning is not going to matter much. Oh, this all applies only if you have a useful DH (or partner) and will pull 150%. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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I totally disagree. For many people they need help learning how to take care of a baby, which is the most important help a bn provides. Also, for people recovering from a c/s or difficult labor, they may not be able to completely take care of the baby [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:16 AM Flag
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If you have a helpful DH at hand even a c-section will not prevent you from taking good care of your new baby w/o hired help. What is there to learn about how to take care of a baby? How to dress him? How to feed him? What exactly is so complicated or difficult about taking care of a few days old baby? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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there's helpful and then there is wanting to help but clueless, which i'm sure covers 80% of most first-time dads out there. There are MANY things to learn about taking care of a newborn - have you had a baby? - and lots of things that are nothing but can really make first-time parents freak out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:20 AM Flag
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I had three and it never crossed my mind that I needed help. I didn't even had parent or inlaws over. It was just me and DH living in a tiny 400sqft 1BR apartment at that time. We dealt just fine. Don't let your fears and anxiousness overcome you. It takes a lot of effort to screw up a newborn so that shouldn't be any worries. I am very sure that many more than 20% of first time dads are as helpful as a baby nurse can be. Maybe yours wasn't up to it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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I'm not speaking from my own experience, which was very different. But many of the men i've talked to about parenting were clueless and terrified about their first newborns. Stop being so sanctimonious. Good for you for needing no help, but many people do, and there is nothing wrong with that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:48 AM Flag
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The majority of families do not need help. It's just a few who can afford it and think they can buy an easy way out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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no, the majority of people get help from others- whether it is family (i.e. mothers) or people they pay - it isn't about buying your way out of anything, it is about learning how to care for a new baby which isn't something everyone is able to do immediately. Get over yourself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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you keep thinking that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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We didn't and I didn't regret that. Didn't really see what a baby nurse could add as I was breastfeeding and I think it helped us to quickly gain confidence taht we could do it alone. Mom and MIL eventually came, but were useless and added more stress. That said, newborns are exhausting. I would maybe go it alone for a few nights and then hire a nurse for two weeks just to make sure you get some sleep. (I'm expecting baby #2 next month and am thrilled that baby #1's nanny will be around full time during the day to help.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:20 AM Flag
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I think that baby nurses often want you to do things HER way and that was not something I wanted. OTOH, if your DH is not super hands on or can't take time off and you don't have any friends or family around to help, it's good to have a little support/company/help in the first 1-2 weeks. Personally, I would look for a post-partum doula to come in for say 2-4 hours and help me than for a 24/7 baby nurse. If you are BF, then the nighttime help is less "helpful" than if you are FF - in which case you can pass off the baby to the nurse and get a good night's rest! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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