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06.16.08, 21:09 PM Expecting
28 replies
Anyone have a surprise pregnancy here? One that was a huge surprise - bad timing - very life-altering? I am currently the mother of a 20yo dd, 18yo ds and 14yo dd. DH and I have been married for 21 years and the last few years have been a downward spiral - we discussed divorce many times and we felt we should try our best to repair things, atleast until our youngest was in college. We had a good stretch for awhile - thus my being 6 months pregnant - but I cannot see us lasting. I am just really nervous about this pregnancy and what happens from here. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Expecting 06.16.08, 09:09 PM Flag
 

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I had a surprise pregnancy, but different kind of surprise - I was 15. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 09:14 PM Flag
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oh man, good luck to you - my sister had a pre-divorce baby - she thought perhaps it was going to fix her marriage, but it was the final nail in the coffin, luckily she and her ds are happy and she recently remarried [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 09:23 PM Flag
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what kind of downward spiral? downward as in "i want to go off and live with the monks in thailand" or downward as in "i'm not getting much out of this marriage anymore". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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are you feeling connected to the db at all? would you ever consider giving up for adoption? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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definitely connected to the baby - the baby didnt ask for this, this is still my child [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 04:37 PM Flag
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that is a crazy suggestion [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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wow... I feel for you... Do you feel sort of trapped now ? or maybe the opposite? empowered to make a change for the better within your marriage or by leaving it ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 04:39 PM Flag
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I don't even know - I feel like I should stay in the marriage and that this is telling me to be strong til death do us part, but other days I feel like this child came into my life to tell me to part ways and give him a happier life than I have been able to give my older children the last few years [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 04:44 PM Flag
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do you have someone to talk to / It seems so huge... what does DH say ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 04:47 PM Flag
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I talk to two close friends about it, but until now, no one knew about how bad things had gotten [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 04:52 PM Flag
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NP: Exactly how bad are they? details please [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 04:54 PM Flag
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DH and I were completely disconnected, preparing for divorce in the future, practically counting down the days - it reached a point where we didn't even hate each other anymore, we just had no feeling or emotion about anything. We got married extremely young, sometimes I feel like our marriage was based more on sex and physical attraction than actual love. Once we started having kids is when things changed a bit. I was 18 when we married and he was 23 - obviously too young to really know what love is in my opinion. There has just been a lack of marriage/partnership/communication/trust. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 04:58 PM Flag
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and DH... is he happy or freaked ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 04:55 PM Flag
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We haven't even had what I would consider a good, productive conversation about it. I don't feel that he is thrilled about this at all - it is going to be another 18 year commitment tying us together regardless of what path we follow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 04:59 PM Flag
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i am so sorry for your bad situation... have the older kids chimed in with their thoughts ? They must know that the marriage is rocky... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:19 PM Flag
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well currently my oldest daughter is in miami interning for the summer, my son is on a cross country roadtrip with my nephews and my 14yo is just trying to help me by being overly sweet and pretending everything is ok; it is tough having the family all dispersed until the end of july/early august [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:21 PM Flag
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wow... what do your friends say know that you've laid out the issues with them ? Are your parents still alove and do they have any thoughts or support to offer ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:23 PM Flag
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My parents are alive - they've been married since they were both 21 and they have the perfect marriage. My friends are in shock over this all, to an extent - they said they knew something was up, but had no idea it was this extreme or developed to this level. I have only given my parents the sugar-coatd version [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:27 PM Flag
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I'm sure... they don't need to know everything. What does your deep-down gut say, "Stay and get moments of happiness when they come," or "If not now, then never. It's time to start this new life with a new life for me too." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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if only it were that simple [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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I certainly don't mean to imply that it's a simple decision... not at all... I was just wondering if you have a feeling that you are struggling against or if you really are paralyzed - for lack of a better word - with the enormity of this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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i am just paralyzed - one day i think this is a sign t turn things around and give our marriage a fresh start, and one day i think it is time for us to give ourselves a fresh start, away from each other, maintaining a friendship for the baby [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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are you religious ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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not particularly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 06:25 PM Flag
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eeeesh [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:18 PM Flag
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I had a suprise.........ds was 8yo, were told we couldn't have anymore.....and had given up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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I just found out I'm pg w/ #4. a little different from you though, I have a 6mo #3. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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