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06.16.08, 20:52 PM General Topics
24 replies
Can this friendship be saved? I have become good friends with dd's best friend's mom over the school year (same preschool). In the fall, she would vent about/talk about private school application process, which we didn't do. That kind of morphed into G&T talk [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.16.08, 08:52 PM Flag
 

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And? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 08:54 PM Flag
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^^^hit reply too soon. sorry. anyway, hard to explain, but I never mentioned that my dd was taking the G&T test as well -- I just assumed we'd be going to our zoned school, which I love. And she was very entertaining the way she talked about the process, so I let her go. She told me about a lot of the school tours -- which I never had time to go on. So fast forward to today. Yes, her dd got shut out (df only wanted citywide) with a 98 and my 99 got into her #1 choice. She's called me three times crying, and the guilt is killing me. I didn't tell her at first because I still thought we'd decline the spot -- but DH is so excited and has talked me into it. Tonight she called and apologized to me for being so selfish about the school mess and realizes our zoned school is great and she is so glad our dd's will be going to the same school. AAACCK!!! What do I DO??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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It's over [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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really? this makes me so sad because this is the first woman I've really "clicked" with since dd was born! I've had other "mom friends" but that was more surface, like wave at the playground. maybe dd should go to zoned school like I'd always planned... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 09:00 PM Flag
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These friendships are tough to maintain after school separation in the best of circumstances. But with the secrecy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 09:08 PM Flag
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don't decide dd's education based on a friend. Do what is best for dd [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 09:09 PM Flag
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I understand letting things get "too far" to turn back, but if you really clicked with her, why were you so mumon what could have been a bonding-type experience ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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I think so too... that's just too big of something to keep quiet [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 09:06 PM Flag
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I think you guys can still be friends. The difficult part though is being friends even while your dcs aren't friends anymore. So I don't get it - is your friend's dd going to private school? Or to your zoned gen ed? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 09:12 PM Flag
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i forgot to mention == they didn't get into any "acceptable" privates (I think they got into one school but said no -- can't remember all the details). anyway, her dd is going to our zoned school. I think our dd's will stay friends -- they "love" each other! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 09:16 PM Flag
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It's harder - but not impossible - if they go to different schools. But if you and the other mom are really simpatico, then she'll be happy for your dd. After all, they're the ones who turned down various schools. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 09:25 PM Flag
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good luck! If you were my friend and let me go on and on about G&T only to find out that you applied too, I would be mortified. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 09:25 PM Flag
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Don't worry, your secret is safe with us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 09:25 PM Flag
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OP: I could barely sleep last night over this whole mess. Any suggestions on how I can tell her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 04:03 AM Flag
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Tell her you applied on a lark and that because you were feeling superstitious you didn't tell anyone you applied - and are shocked you got it. Tell her you think it's just a matter of luck and you weren't even sure you would send dc there over zoned school. Let her talk you into taking it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 04:33 AM Flag
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Np: I think the superstitous part is a good idea. I wouldn't say lark, only because I wouldn't want to make some sort of joke over the process she obviously cared so much about. Fwiw - I didn't tell anyone I was taking the LSAT or applying to law school until I got it because I didn't want to jinx it. Some people are just weird like that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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I like this idea, and I was one of the ones last night that thought you were screwed [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 06:26 AM Flag
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just be honest! nothing special. she'll live [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:07 AM Flag
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I think the hardest part will be explaining why you didn't discuss the fact that you were going through the whole process too. I think that's a bit odd. Did you not discuss it at all or just not as much? Did you not discuss that she took the test and that you went through the application process? If the test was administered at school, then she must know that dd took the test, so IF IT RINGS TRUE, tell you applied just to see if you'd get in. Just try to be as honest as possible. Then tell her how much you value your friendship. one of dd's best friends not only does not live in the neighborhood (we're in the West Village, they're in Tribeca), but they haven't been in the same school since 2nd grade (they're finishing 9th). I also consider her mom a good friend. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:18 AM Flag
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You're selfish and I wouldn't want to be your friend. The truth is, you didn't tell her because you were afraid DD would not score well. Because you couldn't put yourself out there, you do not truly trust this person or want the friendship. Give it up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:22 AM Flag
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... we have a winner. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 06:28 AM Flag
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if i were her, id probably think you were strange and basically unfriendly to never share anything -- it would have nothing to do with the fact that your dd got into a school. if the reality is you didnt feel comfortable discussing your life with her, then you aren't really friends anyway, so you probably wont be in the future [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 05:25 AM Flag
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OP: actually, we've talked about a LOT of things. I've been going through personal stuff over the last several months that we've talked about; her conversation has always been about schools. I will try some of the above suggestions... thanks! I am really scared to tell her! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 01:23 PM Flag
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let us know what happened... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 02:30 PM Flag
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