UrbanBaby

06.16.08, 16:47 PM General Topics
25 replies

Help, no flames please. Was dating a guy I was really into, he ended up going home one weekend and saw/hooked up w/ an ex, told me right away, then a month later, apologized, sent me flowers, etc... so now we are emailing again. I know I shouldn't get back together with him, but for some reason I can't find the strength to tell him I think we should not be in contact anymore because I still have feelings for him and I can't imagine just not emailing him back. On the other hand, I wonder why I am even emailing with him now after all the $hit he's put me through. I just can't seem to let it go. :( Any advice, wise ladies?? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.16.08, 04:47 PM Flag

Dear UrbanBaby community,

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UrbanBaby Support

i remember you from the other day. and i think you should give him another chance. i think exes can be complicated in weird ways, and not necessarily an indication that someone is bad news all around. so give it a shot. why make yourself miserable. if it's not meant to be you'll see it quickly [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 04:56 PM Flag

oh, thank you... I feel like he is my mr. big! all my friends are like "why would you even ever talk to him again"... but it's not easy to just walk away like that. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 04:58 PM Flag

ah. yeah. try to not worry about what anyone else thinks. sounds pretty clear that you like him and want to try again. my only question, how long were you with him when he got with his ex? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:01 PM Flag

on and off since last summer... but nothing really ever happened until recently and it was about 2 months that things were going really well then he freaked. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:07 PM Flag

agree, nobody here knows better, and you have to take your chances [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:07 PM Flag

Try him one more time. One the plus side he told you about the hook up right away. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:11 PM Flag

I remember you from the other day too. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole. Everyone I know that's cheated once goes on to cheat again. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:20 PM Flag

we weren't exclusive though, so I think he just flipped out... I'm not defending his behavior, but as someone else pointed out as well he did tell me right away, he was freaking out about it actually... it's not like he was lying to me or 2-timing me. Now that would be inexcusable. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:24 PM Flag

you didn't mention last time that you weren't exclusive. If that's true, what's your problem? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:26 PM Flag

Why would he feel guilty and you not want to talk to him if you thought at the time it was ok to sleep with other people? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:26 PM Flag

I'm not sure I understand what you mean... my problem was that he was with me and did something that he knew full well could sabotage what he and I had together, and of course that doesn't sit well w/ me. If he was really "into me" ... why would he have done that? And now the emails and flowers... I just want to get it out there, tell him what he did was $hitty because it hurt me, and either let's just be friends or talk through this. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:28 PM Flag

np: That's a ridiculous thing to think and say. Why be friends with someone who hurt you like this? Either agree that you weren't exclusive, people have complicated histories with exes, and he did something stupid but not deadly. Or you shouldn't want him as a friend anyway. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:30 PM Flag

so you're saying either get back together or just go our separate ways? we get along so well and have so much in common - that's why I would like to stay friends, but you're right, it's probably not possible. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:32 PM Flag

You're an odd duck - your expectations of people are both too high and too low at the same time. He made a mistake during a grey area in your relationship. Doing so made him realize what he really wanted - you. OR he's a dirtbag who cheated on you and however "fun" he is, isn't worthy of your vagina or your friendship. You know him, pick one and stick with it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:34 PM Flag

wow, that is a really interesting way of thinking about it... thanks for your advice. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:41 PM Flag

This still doesn't really make sense. You're either exclusive or not. If not, then he shouldn't feel the need to apologize. It sounds to me like you thought that you were exclusive at the time and are now playing semantics. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:30 PM Flag

To be clear, we were not exclusive, but I think he sensed I wanted it to be exclusive and it was going in that direction. After the whole thing happened, I just figured he wasn't that into me but after he contacted me and keeps suggesting that we get together, I'm confused and I want to get everything out in the open. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:34 PM Flag

Now I understand. You may want to start with this. You made him sound like a sleaze before. He made a mistake, and I think that you were right to interpret that as he's not that into you. But now he's acting really into you. I think that you need to have an honest face-to-face talk with him about what you're looking for and if he can honestly provide that. I also think that you need to figure out if you can handle this betrayal. Being friends is probably out, because neither of you really wants friendship, you want a relationship. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:42 PM Flag

thank you so much - you're right... I need to talk to him, face to face. After all, what do I have to lose at this point? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:45 PM Flag

after a year of on-and-off and then what he did when we actually were dating, isn't he telling me through his actions he doesn't want to get involved in anything serious? I mean, am I crazy to even have a conversation like that w/ him? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:50 PM Flag

It depends on what you mean by on-and-off. I agree with the person above, you need to figure out if he's a good guy or a dirt bag. I am guessing that you haven't been clear or taking charge of the relationship and letting him set the terms. It is now time for you to set some terms. If you don't think that he can be honest about what he wants/is able to do, than you need to move on. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:54 PM Flag

geez, get rid of him. why bother with an indecisive loose cannon? it will always be like this [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:52 PM Flag

np... how could you possily know this person is an "indecisive loose cannon" from one post? people make mistakes. and if he and OP weren't exclusive, then i don't really see the issue. esp since he apologized for it. seems like if OP can move past it and it's clear that he won't do it again, no big deal. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 06:09 PM Flag

were you clearly exclusive when he hooked up with his ex? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 06:08 PM Flag

no, we were definitely NOT exclusive at that point... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 07:45 PM Flag