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06.16.08, 11:44 AM General Topics
20 replies
2 friends and I got pregnant at the same time, all due this week. DF and I had miscarriages. I got preg again right away, she is still ttc. Spoke to her today, and mentioned it. She got upset, I appologized profusely. She still seemed upset. I honestly did not mean to be insensitive. Anything else I can do? (sorry for the repost from earlier) [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.16.08, 11:44 AM Flag
 

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I had a similar thing happen when my friend was ttc. I guess I just put my foot in my mouth. I tried apologizing, but it didn't seem to work. It was years, and a few babies later that we can actually laugh about how stressed that time was in our friendship. Just know that it actually has little to do with you and more about how badly she wants a baby right now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:47 AM Flag
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ITA with this. Had a similar situation as well - I could tell she was upset initially, but she adjusted and acknowledged that it was her sensitivity given all she has been through and nothing I said or did. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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what did she get upset over? that you are pg again? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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the 3 of us have kids born w/in a month, then got pregnant again, and all would have been due the same week. She and I had miscarriages, I got preg again right away. She is having seceondary infertility, still ttc. I mentioned how crazy it is that friend #3 is having her baby any day, could have been us too. She got v. upset. Not sure how to right things. Already apologized for being insensitive. She was still clearly upset [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:52 AM Flag
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That was quite insensitive of you. Send her a card. It was clumsy but innocent, but choose your remarks about all things pregnancy-related more carefully when you are talking to someone undergoing infertility treatment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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i truly did not intend to be insensitive. It is so difficult, bc I am pregnant, and can't hide it. Just referenced that I can't believe that I/we would have been due this week, and I can't believe it. Just bc I am pg again, I still think about what could have been. Feel bad for hurtu=ing her, but don't know what else I can say or do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:59 AM Flag
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just try to be more sensitive. You sould like a really good friend and she is just hurting. Sometimes it's really painful but hopefully she will get pg again soon. Hopefully either way, she will be less sensitive some day too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 12:05 PM Flag
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or: she did apologize..is she supposed to tip toe around her just because of her TTC issues? Some ppl who are having hard time TTC need to chill out. The world is not out to get them. I had a hard time TTC but never took my disappointment out on others [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:59 AM Flag
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people are all dif on this though. Some people have a m/c and think "well, it happens". Others grieve hard for the loss. There is no right or wrong way to get through disapointment. Good for you that you are very healthy but some people need a little more help and compassion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 12:11 PM Flag
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or: she needs to chill. I know she had a loss but to get pissed at you like that is just a little dramatic. Not like you didn't lose your baby too. You already apologized. Nothing more you can do. Don't kiss her butt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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little compassion maybe? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 12:05 PM Flag
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compassion? She apologized..what else is she supposed to do? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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probably nothing. OP sounds fine. I was talking to you. You sound kind of insensitive [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 12:14 PM Flag
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Dear X. I feel like a clutz for upsetting you yesterday. It wasn't my intention but it was insensitive and I wish I had used my head before opening my mouth. I really value your friendship and the time I spend with you, and I hope you can forgive me. Love You. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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ah, the sensible one in the group. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 12:20 PM Flag
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There's only so much apologizing you can do. She probably just needs a bit of space right now. I would send a card apologizing and then let it drop. You can't fix it and she's not going to feel better for awhile. Let her set her own pace. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 12:04 PM Flag
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OP - I think I will e-mail with another apology, then leave the ball in her court. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 12:20 PM Flag
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I think that is good advice. You didn;t mean anything by it and she is hypersensitive. I've been on both sides of that fence and know what a minefield it can be. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 12:21 PM Flag
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no, you shouldn't do anything else. i'm in a kind of similar situation and miscarrying and ttc'ing is so emotionally difficult. i can't say i'm handling it spectacularly well. if someone says something that set me off, the last thing i want to do is rehash it. you apologized, now do her a favor and drop it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 12:29 PM Flag
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Agreed from a mom who just had a m/c (#3) and having fertility problems. I'm raw and I hurt, but don't care to rehash it either. The note suggestion above would make me feel better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 01:05 PM Flag
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