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06.16.08, 10:16 AM General Topics
62 replies
why oh why don't people indicate on their wedding invitations whether or not children are invited?! this is the 4th time the invite was written to me and dh, yet i find out children are invited. is it so hard to include "and family" on the invite? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.16.08, 10:16 AM Flag
 

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If the name isn't on the invitaion, they are NOT invited. If they didn't put "and family" they don't want your children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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yes, yes, yes! Why is it so hard for people to read the envelope? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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agree [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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op: sigh, but the last 4 times i called to RSVP for just me and dh, the bride to be said to me, "aren't you bringing the kids?". i would say, "no they weren't on the invite" and she would say, "all the kids are invited" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:20 AM Flag
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np ITA. It's always a little murky unless they tell you specifically. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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Then you run with a stupid crowd :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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op: i'm thinking that i run with such an inclusive and family friendly crowd that they just assume we would come as a family [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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Thats is quite an assumption. Even people who have and love their own kids probably dont love yours. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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if that is the case, they should write 'The Smith Family' on the invite. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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ita -- the bride should write it on the envelope. someone get an emily post etiquette book for the bride.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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nice idea for her wedding gift! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:25 AM Flag
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well in that case take the kids. why do you call to RSVP instead of sending the reply card - do you guilt the bride into inviting your kids? why do people want to bring their kids anyway? even if they are invited??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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#1. there was no reply card. #2. i would want to bring my kids because a wedding is a family event in my culture. we are not american. this is a new concept for me....going to a wedding without children. it is very strange for us [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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What are you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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you need to just get used to it. if it is a wedding that is not YOUR family then you probably just shouldn't bring your kids, even if they ARE invited. Family weddings I get bringing your kida to, if that is what the bride wants, otherwise pay a sitter or don't attend and send a gift. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:34 AM Flag
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op: why wouldn't i bring them if they are invited? that just doesn't make any sense [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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how old are your children? weddings are expensive - often over $200/head and children don't really appreciate it and the events are often too long for them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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basically, weddings are adult ceremonies and non family member should not bring their children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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you just said this is not your culture. we acknowledge that in your culture these are family events, in american culture, and expensive evening wedding usually does not include kids. if the reception is past bed time don't bring them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:48 AM Flag
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totally agree! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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but she has failed to say what culture she is [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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yeah, I think her "culture" is just trash - that is why she doesn't answer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:00 AM Flag
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Yeah, but she just said that her kids were INVITED. If the bride and groom are concerned about cost then they shouldn't have invited the kids. I did not invite kids to my wedding because I just didn't want the disruption, but these people did, so if OP wants to take them why not. Why are you guys so oddly hostile? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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np: I don't get why people are trashing OP? I agree that weddings are exensive which why we didn't invite kids. (We also just didn't want the disruption, but if her friends are inviting her kids, then it's not up to her to worry about the costs. If her friends are worried, then they shouldn't have invited the kids, don't you think? You guys are oddly hostile. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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I have never received a wedding inviation wiht a telphone number on it to rsvp [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:00 AM Flag
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Well if you are attending weddings where you call to rsvp, then that explains it. You need higher class friends [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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op: didn't you know that if you use the word "class" in such a context, you have none [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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op: you didn't read my post [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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I agree. We just got an invitation today and it's going to be casual/outdoor, and I'm quite sure they want our kids there, but it only had our names on it, so now we have to ask to make sure and that's a little awkward. But I think it's because they don't have too many friends w/kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:25 AM Flag
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Why are you quite sure - esp. if not many kids will be attending? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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because I seem to remember them mentioning it before, but I'm not so sure I don't have to ask [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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just leave the kids at home and have fun [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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op: i guess i don't understand this. why is it that people can't have fun WITH their children at such a function? are your children so badly behaved? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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It has nothing to do with how your children behave. Parents should socialize without their children every now and then and a wedding is a great time to do so. ESPECIALLY, if the childs name is not on the invite. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:44 AM Flag
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it is not about bad behavior it is an adult event. I love my kids, but to be a good mother I need adult time with my husband and friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:50 AM Flag
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op: we have date night. but a wedding is a family event, in my culture and my husband's (who is american by the way). i think there is a subculture within america that believes that weddings are adult only events [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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stop with the culture crap. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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exactly - it may be you and DH's value - but it is not a part of the broader culture. YOu should respect the culture of your host - not what you think their values should be [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:01 AM Flag
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but whether or not our kids are invited will determine whether we go or not (it's about 3 hours from home) so I do need to know, and I think it's stupid not to ask when I think they might be invited [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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i totally agree with you. am in the same boat now. if dc are not invited, we're not going. i have no one to watch dc for 8 hrs at night [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:44 AM Flag
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and that is fine - it is the price of not wanting to leave them with a sitter for many hours but the bride and her family should not be shelling out more money for your children to come to their nuptulas, just graciously decline. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:48 AM Flag
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clearly you want them to be invited...and maybe your friend/the bride does too but weddings really are not for children and asking the bride is rude as the invite clearly did not inculde them. I had this probelm when I got married and evertime someone would ask me I felt terrible having to tell them (on my opion, again!) that their children were not invited. ...on the otherhand, I think infants usually can come - esp. if mothers are bfing but they aren't taking up a seat, or running around the reception etc... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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"weddings really are not for children"?! itd [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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DITTO! what kind of world are you living in? oh that's right, this is UB...where selfish, nasty white women who think they are entitled to everything are [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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Um, I am the nasty one, did I start name calling? I am just saying I respectfully disagree and my dh and I paid for our wedding and felt strongly that it was an adult event and did not include children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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NO, we llive in a world where a bride and her family are planning and paying for an event and can choose if they do or do not want children and their guests should respect that. Beyond that - even if my kids are invited - I let them stay until bed time or just for the ceremony. Children should not be kept out into the wee hours because the parents want to have fun and not pay a sitter [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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fair enough, that is your opinion but my wedding and most of the ones I have been to have been adult affairs. I did not want nor did I invite non-family children to mine, it wpould have added nearly 30 people and was not the environment I wanted as most of my friends children do not know me that well. I did invite my godchildren and family members. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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rude to ask! period. just don't go if you can't afford or don't want to get a sitter [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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get a hotel, at nice hotels the concierge can get a sitter with a background check [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:53 AM Flag
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don't ask, just reply that there are 2 coming, if you made a mistake the bride will tell you so. If you put her on the spot by asking she may say it is okay for your kids to come because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings even though she doesn't want your kids there. Just because some people's kids are invited doesn't mean all kids are invited [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:30 AM Flag
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I don't do other people's stuff for them. if she says it's ok, then it's ok. how would she hurt my feeelings anyway by giving me a simple answer. eesh! we live in such a codependent society! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:32 AM Flag
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That is why there are "rules" for addressing invitations. So it is easy for everyone and you don't have to ask. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:34 AM Flag
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EXACTLY - you SHOULD NOT ask if your kids are invited if the invite does not say "and Family" because clearly they are NOT INVITED. If it was a mistake, so be it - it was the bride's poor etiquette and not yours. If you ask, you are putting her on the spot and it is rude. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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sorry, i disagree. this has happened too many times to me. in fact, the last time this happened, i was going to a very hippy-ish wedding. when i said just me and dh were coming, the bride said she was counting on dc to be there because she wanted to be surrounded by children...but it never occurred to her to write it on the invitation [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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NP, the bride was wrong. She should have known how to address invitations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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okay, so in that case the bride told you this and said she wanted your children despite her poor etiquette in addressing invitations. just because none of your friends seem to pay attention to the rules means that you shouldn't. You run the risk of being VERY RUDE and bringing children who are not invited to an expensive wedding. WHatever - make all of the excuses you want. You obviously just want to take your kids, I had several people like you bring their kids to my wedding and I was pissed. Not because I didn't want kids around (but who takes kids to a reception that starts at 9pm?) 0 but because I was on a very limited budget and I ended up spending a lot of money on kids that I did not invite in the first place...rude rude rude [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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nobody said that i was bringin them uninvited. the issue is that people need to be clear about who is and isn't invited. 4 times, that's right, 4 times now my children were invited and yet weren't listed on the invitation. 3 times i sent in the card with just 2 on it and then i got a phone call asking why i wasn't bringing the kids! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:50 AM Flag
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and when you get that call FROM the bride is when you rectify the situation. you do not pursue it your self - do you get the distinction. If the bride REALLY wants your kids there she will include them on th einvite OR call you upon reciveing your RSVP to ask why the kids aren't coming/ That is when you say "oh, I didn't think they were invited, but if you'd like for me to bring them i will." What is so hard about that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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Response: "Because their names were not on the invitation". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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Argh. Don't invite them. I recently went to a lovely wedding where kids were encouraged -- I couldn't enjoy it at all with 3 little ones tripping everyone up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 02:15 PM Flag
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