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06.16.08, 10:15 AM Preschool/Kids
73 replies
help. My 3 yo son's school says that he has "Self-regualtion" issues, that they have done all that they can and that we should seek professional help. I think "for christs sake,he is a 3 yo boy!" we'll work on the issues, but a freaking therapist?? gimme a break! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Preschool/Kids 06.16.08, 10:15 AM Flag
 

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that's the problem with kids being in school this young. Normal 3 yo behavior often gets turned into an issues. That being said, my 4 yo ds's issues were fairly evident when he was 3 yo and he is now getting occupational therapy for sensory issues. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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op: how did his sensory issues manifest themselves? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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mostly with behavioral issues, difficulty sitting still at circle, got out-of-control during freeplay time (too much stimulation). Some people are skeptical about sensory issues, but NYC clearly believes in it since lots of kids are getting free OT for it. I was skeptical until I saw how my ds has difficulty with coordination, body awareness, regulating his touch, etc. He needs more sensory input than the average kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:25 AM Flag
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SPD isn't recognized [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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not yet [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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OY [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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sensory issues is controversial [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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how so? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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Its not a recognized disorder by psychs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:32 AM Flag
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No it isn't. Get your child some help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:29 PM Flag
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what specifically does he do [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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he is very reactive and expresses his frustration rather explosively. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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this is my ds. i was told by a therapist it is because he is very intelligent. I wouldn't worry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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thanks--the person who told me all that about needing help also said that he was "very intelligent" who knows! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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bwa-ha-ha, so annoying when moms think their dcs' behavioral issues are b/c they're "so intelligent" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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np, mom didn't think it. Therapist told her. Where did you get your degree? Do you have a son? Have you done any reading at all on young males and preschool and the misdx/over dx? or do you just like typing BWA Ha Ha [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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I have a son. He gets therapy. He's also very smart, but I don't buy the BS that his behavioral issues are linked to how smart he is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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then you are foolish. your experience is not everyone's experience. you don't discount science because your child didn't fit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:36 AM Flag
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science? what science? You sound like the foolish one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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That it is entirely possible that a child of high IQ is misdx as having "behavoir problems", SPD (formerly known as SID), ADD, ADHD. That teachers (especially barely trained preschool teachers) are actually terrible at identifying the intellectually advanced males and quiet often lable them as "problems". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:40 AM Flag
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Uh, I did Early Intervention thinking he had some problems because my niece is autistic. he was evaluated and this is what I was told. He is intelligent and there isn't anything wrong with him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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Ditto. And I can't tell you the number of boys that have been sent for a "full evaluation" by idiot preschool teachers and been told by trained professionals that there is NOTHING wrong with them. It is an epidemic in NYC> [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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np: But how lucky for those whose kids actually DO have problems? I think it's good for preschool teachers to look for warning signs, even though most of the time it's not part of a larger problem. I'll be forever grateful to the teacher who realized my DS needed speech therapy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:45 PM Flag
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OY [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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intelligence is unrelated to behavior issues. Address them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:29 PM Flag
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is this throughout the day, every day, or just once in a while? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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maybe 2-3 incidents a week [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:25 AM Flag
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and what is his explosive behavior like? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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not listening or purposefully "testing" limits. Sometimes throwing. Not showing remorse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:33 AM Flag
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personally, I would think that behavior is problematic, especially if your ds has been in school longer than a few months. The throwing things would bother me. Does he do this at home? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:36 AM Flag
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yes, usually when he is very tired. Which is when he "acts out" at school too. I know he is tired, but they say that he should know not to do this even when he is tired. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:38 AM Flag
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^^ and I agree with them. I just think it is a bit early to make it an "issue" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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since when can't a three year old boy get frustrated and tired and throw a toy? How long is day from the time he leaves the house until he gets home? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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he arrives a 9, I p/u btwn 5 and 6. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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That is an eight hour day. Who expects three year olds to survive an eight hour day away from one on one caregiver, surrounded by other children without showing some signs of stress? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:48 AM Flag
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thanks--he seems to be the only one though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:50 AM Flag
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NO, you see there are other children there who can't handle it either, but they withdraw or are clingy or hide in the corner and the teachers all accept those behavoirs because they are easier for them to deal with. Understand? So don't believe for one second that your child is the only one who can't handle it. Your child just happens to react in a manner that teachers don't want to deal with and want to label something else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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ITA. Our ds couldn't handle the 8 hr (daycare) day and we were told he had "problems". He's 3 1/2 and in school 3 x wk, 3 hr day and is completely fine. Doesn't hurt to get evaluated though. But don't accept your daycare's evaluation of your child either. They are not trained to diagnose problems and you are right, they don't like kids who make them work to hard. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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that is insanely long for a child of this age. I see from below that a nanny hasn't worked out either but I think you should try again. Your kid is wildly overstimulated and overtired. You wrote above that he is in preschool but you are describing a child who is def. not ready for daycare. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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NORMAL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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souns completely normal to me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 06:17 PM Flag
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Preschoolers At Risk is a good book, you should read it before you do anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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3 year olds should not be subjected to a "school" setting in the first place. Its the adults with the problem. Not the three year olds. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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OP: Yeah, I agree. I have to "subject" him to school because I need to work 3x a week to provide health insurance to my family, but I do agree that the issues lies with the instructors and their expectations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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Why not find him a cool "manny" to hang out with instead? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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we had him in a one-on-one setting, which turned out to be not so good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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Well here we are: pre school no good - one-on-one no good - but your 3 y.o. is fine? Something is not right here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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I am not going to engage in parenting choices war. My world does not operate with the absolute solutions that yours seems to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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Huh? You say you work so you need chilcare yet all the options are no good to you...I suggest you take a look at your kid since the world does happen to work within the realm of "absolutes" and if you are already making excuses at 3 you will all be in big trouble by kindergarten. Lofty excuses for poor behavior won't help you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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I am not going to engage. you and I are very different. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:45 AM Flag
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I think it really depends on what your dc is doing. My ds has has self-regulation issues, one of the things he does to self regulate is run back and forth for about 30 mins, throwing himself onto furniture. And while this behavior can be okay at home, it's certainly not okay in a clasroom. He's been in OT for 3 years now getting help for sensory/regulation issues and fine motor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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OR above with 4 yo ds -- my ds also gets OT for fine motor skills. Apparently, sensory and fine motor skills issues often go hand in hand. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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yes, they do. And people who don't believe in sensory issues really haven't spent much time w/ a kid who cannot self-regulate. They will perhaps observe one child at a party who gets wild because of all the chaos around him, and chalk it up to bad behavior. It's very hard for these kids to take in the stimuli. OT is very helpful for teaching a kid how to behave in these settings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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how can I get my child evaluated? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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go to OT's office and request an eval. You can also contact a child study team from Board of Ed and request an eval. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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her kid is in daycare for 8 hours a day! He doesn't need OT he has no business being in a program for this long. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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you don't know this kid, you're not dealing with him at all. It's very irresponsible of you to say that he doesn't need OT, even if it's just for a few months to help teach mom and dad how to deal w/ dc's violent temper. I am sure his daycare teachers recognize that he has issues different from other kids. They are not out to get this kid into trouble. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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pot meet kettle [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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well you seem to have all the answers. I'm so happy that you've given great advice to OP on how to deal w/ a child who consistently has out of control behavior. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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I wouldn't do that at this point. Try reading Preschoolers At Risk, The Hurried Child, Raising Cain first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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Raising Cain was enlightening about boys and early education. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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I have to say from reading OPs responses to some thoughtful discussions of the issues that therapy might be helpful for you. You sound so defensive you simply are not hearing good advice and solid insights. Choose not to listen but your child really needs you to get a handle on these issues. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:51 AM Flag
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this happened with our 3 yo old. The difference was that we did not take the "give me a break approach". We took every thing our school was saying very seriously. Agreed to work with them, hired therapists, etc. Today he is thriving, he has sensory issues and is getting help, we have learned better parenting skills, and the school was very impressed by how committed we were to working with them to fix the problem and help our son. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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OY [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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Leave it to the jews on this board to have a problem with working together to fix a situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:09 AM Flag
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eh. only a half jew. but you are 100% moron! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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you are an asshole. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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you are a brainless, spineless idiot [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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You are an asshole, and I feel sorry for your children since you are a bad mother. I hope they never need your help in life because you will clearly fail them :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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I feel sorry for yours, being dragged around from dr to dr for "therapy' and "evaluations" for normal, sometimes quirky kid behavior. So you can run around seeking attention for your "SN" dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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Go down to the school and beat the shit out of the social worker who dx'ed. Then, from now on, the school folks will think, "Wow, considering his mom, that kid has some great self-control." It is all about perspective. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 11:29 AM Flag
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So, if he were a girl, you'd feel she does need a therapist? If not, why the emphasis on the fact that he is a boy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:42 PM Flag
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np: Typically boys have more trouble in a classroom setting at ages 3 and 4 than girls - trouble sitting still, following directions, etc. It makes it harder to tell what's "normal" if a preschool teacher prefers the way the girls act. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:48 PM Flag
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