< Return to Talk
06.16.08, 06:35 AM General Topics
15 replies
2.5 yo dd prefers my husband's parents over mine. My husband's parents spoil her ridiculously (not just materially but giving in to her every whim) and are, frankly, overly attentive (when she is there they drop everything to pay attention to her 100% of the time). In contrast my parents probably don't spoil her enough (materially they can't afford it) and they definitely don't focus 100% - they play with her and then go back to work/housework/etc. As a result my dd expresses strong interest in going to my husband's parents' house and cries and whines when she is at mine. What shd I do? I feel terrible for my parents but at the same time it's fairly obvious to me why dd prefers my inlaws. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:35 AM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
does this bother your parents? Maybe they are ok with it [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:38 AM Flag
»
No, that's the thing. It really bothers them. They are very upset about it and feel terrible (because my dd expresses preference even to them, of course not knowing) and then that makes me feel terrible. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:41 AM Flag
»
well then maybe you should talk to them about spending more time with her. It's not the material things kids crave, it's attention [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:45 AM Flag
»
Do you feel like you should do something about it because of the way YOU feel or the way DD reacts (cries/whines)? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:41 AM Flag
»
Both, I guess. I want my parents to be close w/my DD and unfortunately when she expresses such a preference for my inlaws it just pushes them further away. plus they know she is not always so whiny so it makes them feel even worse to see her unhappy. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:44 AM Flag
»
I would suggest having your parents spend some time over at your apartment (as much as possible). tht way, your parents won't be worried about work/housework and can relax a little. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:46 AM Flag
»
thanks, very good idea and helpful [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:56 AM Flag
»
it sounds like your parents arent that into playing with her anyway- so why feel bad? Unfort. there are always preferred grandparents. Who knows, your parents may be better with her when she is older and the tides can change. Until then, accept it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:41 AM Flag
»
They are - just not as much as the inlaws (who are SO into it - which is great but also a bit much, and nothing can compare to that level of attention). Also they do it in their own way - which is to let her sort of play and join in every once in a while. But this is the way my mom was when I was growing up, too - multitasking. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:54 AM Flag
»
np: young dc's really seem to dislike being around adults who are multi-tasking (as we call it now). it's a pretty normal response for them. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:56 AM Flag
»
2.5 y/o's are very fickle and crave attention. if your parents want to give her more attention, then they can shift the dynamic. if not, there's not much you can do. doesn't necessarily mean it's going to stay this way long term. try not to take this personally (and if it's pushing your childhood/emotional buttons, then identify and deal with that as a separate issue). gl! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 06:53 AM Flag
»
well duh. of course she prefers them bc they give her their full attention 24/7. If your parents aren't willing to do it, then there is nothing to be done. She probably still loves them, just not as strongly attached as the doting grandparents. My dd has the same situation in reverse btw. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 07:02 AM Flag
»
She is 2.5. They ought to know that if they are good, nice and consistent -- by the time she is of an age where it matters -- she will respect and love them. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 07:13 AM Flag
»
can you try to establish something special that she does ONLY with your parents? like go to a special nearby mini-golf or something, or maybe bring something really wonderful into their home for her to play with only there? like a big dollhouse or something, so there is something there for her? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 07:21 AM Flag
»
Well, they have something. But when I mentioned it to DD this morning and how much she loves to play with it at my parents' house, she responded "[Other grandparents] have to get one!" [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.16.08, 08:43 AM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions