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06.15.08, 22:05 PM Expecting
10 replies
I found an ex boyfriend on facebook the other day and we have sent a few emails back and forth, I can't shake the feelings I used to have for him that are re-surfacing- even though we broke up almost 15 years ago, today it is feeling like it happened last week and the pain of our break- and how much I miss him is so fresh that I feel like crying. I am happily married with two kids but clearly I have never gotten over him [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Expecting 06.15.08, 10:05 PM Flag
 

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seems like perhaps you might want to walk away from this. you may have gotten over him. you may not. but chances are a lot of what you're feeling now is based on fantasy. you have no idea who he is now. nor do you know if you'd really like him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.08, 10:41 PM Flag
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I think I married my DH as a reaction to the relationship I had with my ex- it was extremely intense in both a healthy and very unhealthy way, DH offered peace, he was easy to be with, no drama. I guess I have always felt I sacrificed on the passion- not just sexually but emotionally- even though the innocent emails we have sent- I just feel this very strong connection to him that I have never felt with anyone else- family, friends - anymore. It makes me very sad. I can't shake it. Even if I never email him again. Thanks for listening [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.08, 10:50 PM Flag
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poster below in some ways we're alike on this. I love my Dh things are easy with him but not as passionate with the ex-bf but also things with him were so much more crazy too...i like stable i do :) though memories of crazy sparks are hard to put aside. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 03:24 AM Flag
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count yourself lucky to be married with dcs. ITA there is a reason he is an ex-bf. The passion is over-rated. If you can trust your dh then you are better off with him. A good friend always needed passion in her relationships. She is pushing 50, never married, and the love of her life ended up robbing a bank and going to jail. How's that for "drama"? Who needs it? Cut the emails and focus on dh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 06:32 PM Flag
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np this is so true- i find i'm doing the same with an ex-bf who happened to have moved to a new city where i'm at too. it bothers me i'm so obsessed about it..need t cut it out totally [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 03:23 AM Flag
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i'd walk away. he's an ex for a reason, even if it was good at times. enjoy the memories and cherish the life you're living now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 04:07 AM Flag
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just think of how difficult divorce is. your husband has one major advantage over this other guy, because he is the father of your children. would your children be happier with this other guy? sounds like no, not at all. my perspective: my own dh cheated on me in a really miserable way; i desperately wish i could repair my feelings for him so that we could be a family again for my dd but so far i haven't been able to. i'm just saying: cut this fellow off. you have a treasure that a lot of us would do anything to attain for our children... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 05:32 AM Flag
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I think that alot of the feelings you have related to this person are caught up in romantic notions of the past. Think about it- 15 years ago, you did not have kids, a marriage, a home and responsiblities. You could focus on yourself and this person exclusively. That is part of why it is so intense. But we all grow up and the intense feelings that you have for this person are not real. The unhealthy aspects of the relationship are a big red flag and it is not just you anymore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 06:29 AM Flag
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I have a friend like this. She met her boyfriend through me when we were teens. They had an on-again, off-again relationship that was mostly just hooking up when he wanted her, then dumping her again. Even in our 30's, both married with kids- I can tell when I see her she is not over him. Which I find especially pathetic because he is so narcissistic and self-involved, I don't really think he loved her anyhow - I think even with a wife and kids, he is the type that only will ever love himself. Yet she still pines for him. Grow up. It is all a fantasy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.16.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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This totally reminds me of a book I just read - http://www.amazon.com/Love-One-Youre-Emily-Giffin/dp/0312348673 -- Don't know if that will help you much but I think a lot of people have questions/latent feelings like this and this book was a super fast, easy read . . . wraps everything up a little too neatly but definitely explores the passion vs stable husband question . . . . [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.17.08, 07:54 PM Flag
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