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06.14.08, 19:06 PM General Topics
50 replies
Help please!!!! My 6 1/2 year old daughter just told me she played truth or dare with a 9 year old little girl and they were touching privates. She didn't want to tell me and it was a very emotional discussion for her...she was crying hysterically. What do I do? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.14.08, 07:06 PM Flag
 

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stay calm. You dont want to freak her out. Why was she crying hysterically? Did she feel forced into it or was it a reaction to your reaction? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:07 PM Flag
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She was scared to death to tell me. I promised I wouldn't be mad or "dissapointed". She said the girl made her play but as she told the story I don't necessarily believe her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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np: How did it come up at all? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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OR I did a similar thing around that age with a little boy. I knew it was wrong and I remember being really worried about what my mom would say. She handled it well and just said it was not a nice thing to do but not a big deal and that it was normal to be curious. I still felt embarrased but wasn;t freaked out about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:11 PM Flag
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Since she's upset, I'd call your ped on Monday and ask advice. Also, no more alone time with the other girl. (I touched privates at that age with a little boy in neighborhood, no big deal - but neither of us was forcing the other.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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Ped?? wtf has the ped got to do with it?? I find it so bizarre that people seem to think the Ped is the go-to for everything?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:37 PM Flag
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I respect my ped's opinion. He would also have a recommendation for a child therapist if my child continued to be upset. Who would you ask if you were confused? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:39 PM Flag
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um, the kid cried once bc she was probably upset and embarrased telling her mom, and worried about being punished. it doesn't require a ped or therapist! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.08, 05:48 AM Flag
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Right. But if the mom is obsessing about it, much better to get reassured by the ped than to mess with her dd's head. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.08, 05:54 AM Flag
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maybe the mom should see a therapist if she's that obsessed about it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.08, 06:11 AM Flag
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Well, that might be the ped's recommendation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.08, 06:38 AM Flag
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no need to involve ped [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.08, 11:41 AM Flag
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ITTA. bizarre to ask ped about this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.08, 05:46 AM Flag
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where did this happen? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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Interestingly enough it happened at my younger daughter's play class. The sitter was in another room with my younger daughter and because the kids had a half day she was there and so was another older kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:11 PM Flag
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Where did this happen? Do you know the girl? Mention it to her mom. The most disturbing thing is that she was crying hysterically, unless she picked up a bad vibe from the way you were asking her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:11 PM Flag
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np I'm betting OP gave her the impression it was horrible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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There is no question that it was from my vibe because I have been talking to her a lot about making "good choices" and that I am dissapointed when I hear she does things she knows she shouldn't when I am not there. Of course I am talking about chewing gum with a friend (she is not allowed to chew gum)....Not sexual stuff...who knew? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:13 PM Flag
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we recently went through this. very difficult subject. my ds is 7yrs. old [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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and how did you handle it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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i freaked at first. we are now seeing a therapist [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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np: Over a single incident with a peer? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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it was not a single incident and our son did not tell us, we caught them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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Ah. How does the therapist say to handle this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:23 PM Flag
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basically she said that at this age it is not completely normal. she is working with him specifically at being a leader vs. follower. we just started 6wks. ago [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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I would have assumed most kids play doctor at this age at least once. Did the little girl instigate it all? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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in this case it went beyond healthy experimentation, imo [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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What did the other parent think? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:30 PM Flag
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horrified [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:31 PM Flag
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But why therapy? Was it a much older kid? Seems like normal curiosity to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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they are the same age. i think it went beyond curiosity. the 'experimentation' happened 6 times and 1 child started it, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:28 PM Flag
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what are we talking about? what does "experimentation" mean exactly? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:00 PM Flag
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How strange. Whywould you see a therapist? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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because according to him he was talked into doing things he did not want to do and he felt extreme shame. i did not want him to carry that around [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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OP here...god this is so difficult and so out of the blue. I know many here think it's totally normal but I am very uncomfortable with it...not the actual act but what the right thing to do is? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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What do you mean "the right thing to do"? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:30 PM Flag
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how to handle it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:31 PM Flag
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http://tinyurl.com/5f53z6 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:36 PM Flag
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or: call ped and ask for direction. i was so afraid that my reaction would make it worse. our ped gave great advise and also helped us feel better [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:32 PM Flag
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Was the other kid older? More of a bully? How does your son know the other kid? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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the other kid is the same age but admitted to starting everything. we think he may have been abused. he is a cousin to my son [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:30 PM Flag
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Why do you think he was abused? Just because someone is curious about another's privates doesn't spell abuse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:37 PM Flag
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like i said earlier, it went beyond curiousity [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:39 PM Flag
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What happened? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:42 PM Flag
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I think that it's normal for boys and girls who are 4, 5, and 6 years old to be very interested in their bodies, particularly their private parts. They are aware of the differences between boys and girls and men and women, and are very involved in figuring out their own sexual identities. Some amount of exploration with other children of either sex (often called "playing doctor") is really expected and normal. It's also reasonable for parents to put limits on this behavior. They can explain to their young children that certain parts of the body are private, and that means you don't show them to other people except under certain circumstances (e.g., in the doctor's office). They don't have to explain why, just mention it matter-of-factly as one of those rules that exists for polite, proper behavior. From the standpoint of your own son, I think you are handling the situation well. You've set a reasonable limit for his behavior, and you are enforcing it. The more matter-of-fact you can be, the more comfortable your son will feel that he has not done anything wrong. Children do best when they can understand the rules about privacy without feeling that their bodies are something to be ashamed of. Your son's friend has been told that his behavior is inappropriate, and yet he persists in his exploring game. When he's confronted, he feels bad and promises to stop. But the next time the opportunity to satisfy his sexual curiosity arises, the temptation is too great. This persistent interest may be completely normal, or it might reflect an uncomfortable preoccupation with sex. Young children who have been exposed to sexual material of an adult nature sometimes have a lot of anxious feelings about sex. They may focus on genital exploration to the exclusion of other activities, or feel compelled to compare their own genitals to other children's to make sure they're okay. Of course, I don't know if any of these factors apply to your son's friend, but if his parents are concerned, they should seek consultation with a physician or a psychologist. Timely intervention by a trained therapist can be very helpful for children who have a great deal of anxious feelings about their sexuality. Finally, a word about sexual abuse. Nothing in your case really suggests this, but it's something that parents often worry about. Children who have been sexually abused sometimes feel compelled to re-enact adult sexual acts. Usually this is not just a matter of playing doctor. by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:41 PM Flag
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OP here...I really want to thank everyone because I am feeling a little better already just reading everyone's feedback. Maybe I seem dramatic but I definitely hadn't prepared for this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:46 PM Flag
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she is six years old, i wouldnt get overly concerned, she isnt sexually minded [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 09:21 PM Flag
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I definitely was at 6 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 09:38 PM Flag
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^^^but I still wouldn't be too concerned. Just make sure she feels comfortable saying no to things that she doesn't want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 09:40 PM Flag
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most kids are curious, not deviants [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.08, 05:50 AM Flag
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