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06.14.08, 07:34 AM Newborn
32 replies
Anyone here ever have an affair? How long did it last, does dh know, what are the details? I recently cheated on my dh of 8 years and I don't even know why I did it. I keep finding myself wanting to continue it which is the worst part and my dh can sense I something is wrong with me from the moods I've been in over this. I need advice. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Newborn 06.14.08, 07:34 AM Flag
 

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search affair mom to see what this looks like 6 mos from now, then thank your lucky stars that your DH doesn't know yet, ditch the affair, and focus on working on your marriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:37 AM Flag
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np - which affair mom is this? there havebeen many [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:39 AM Flag
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I can't reply to the "which affair mom" question (fix this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) - but the one who has been on recently compmletely broken up that her DH moved out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:40 AM Flag
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well, i got married at 18, we were married for 3 years when we both admitted we were each having an affair and at the time we had a 9mo daughter, we tried briefly to fix things, but realized we both didn't want it and married too young so we filed for divorce and we are both on good terms now, especially for our dd. i remarried at 33, been married for 3 years now with a 2yo son and an 8mo daughter and i couldn't be happier - it all works out in the end but you need to think about what you really want and pinpoint what isnt right in your marriage [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:38 AM Flag
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I have no experience of this. Was there something on offer from the affair that you weren't getting from dh? Do you want to leave your dh? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:39 AM Flag
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I really do not understand why I am putting our marriage through this. I just found myself incredibly attractd to the man I slept with. Everything was just so passionate and romantic with him. The sex was the best I've ever had and I feel so guilty and dirty. I never thought I would do something like this. DH and I have been happy, no big problems in our marriage until this. I don't know how to tell him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:43 AM Flag
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If it's over do you have to tell him? If you think there is no way he will find out I'd seriously consider forgetting it ever happened. My dh would leave me 100% certain if I ever had an affair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:46 AM Flag
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don't tell him! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 07:47 AM Flag
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i want it to be over, but the urge to continue is almost unbearable, i don't know what to do, i don't want to end my marriage but i want one more night with this guy, i've been a wreck since it happened and i hate lying to my dh [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:03 AM Flag
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It's an addiction. You are probably loving the excitement, even if it is killing you to. Treat it the same way you would treat any other addiction and draw the line here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:05 AM Flag
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I am trying to quit him cold turkey, but it is difficult because I see him regularly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:06 AM Flag
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You really might have to consider something drastic so you don't have to see this person. How much is your marriage worth to you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:08 AM Flag
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My marriage is very important to me, especially because we have children together. I do not want to quit my job though over this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:10 AM Flag
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Then you will have to think of your husband anytime the affair is near you. Try to fix the problems with your marriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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It may be time to look for a new job [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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dont you tihnk that would cause her dh to suspect something is up though [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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np: no! is that the first thought you have if DH says he's thinking about looking for a new job? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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not really. How often do you change jobs because of an affair? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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I guess it depends on her job [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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Leaving my job is not something I can do at this point in time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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well it sounds like you're being a bit of a child here. You're basically saying that you don't want to break up your marriage, you don't want to stop sleeping with co-worker, you don't want to exhibit self-control at work, and you don't want to get another job to take yourself out of the situation. I can tell you now exactly what is going to happen, your husband is going to find out and leave you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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and dh is probably going to make your life a misery in divorce court because he is going to feel so betrayed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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you know, this sounds harsh, but I do think it's reality. you have some choices to make, you need to make them and stick to them, no excuses. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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np - and keep in mind, you are allowed to choose to end the marriage if that is truly what you feel is right. if you are undeniably in love with this other man (which i'd imagine is rare with those having affairs), then you do what is right for you. yes you do have children, but if you are in an unhappy marriage you are lying to your children, your husband and yourself. you have one life. just choose what life you want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:37 AM Flag
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you think i dont realize i am acting like a child? i am disgusted with myself right now. i am trying to figure out what i want. this all just happened, i can't just shut off all my feelings 1-2-3. i am just trying to find advice from people who have gone through anything like this before. i am not in the position where i can quit my job, my first mistake was having an affair with someone i work with because it is just that much harder for me to fix this mess now. i am having such a hard time with the idea of keeping such a huge secret from my husband, but i also dont want to hurt him just to burden my guilt for what i did either. i feel powerless. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:35 AM Flag
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ita - you have a lot to loose. Teach your dh the tricks your lover has shown you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:07 AM Flag
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np - i understand what you are going through, i had a one time affair and it was so hard, i would sleep with my husband but i would think about the other man, it took me almost two years to get back on track with my marriage [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:09 AM Flag
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how old are your dc? think about them and what you are doing to them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:07 AM Flag
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move on, move fast [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:19 AM Flag
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you're disgusting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 08:53 AM Flag
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ok that is harsh now [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 09:10 AM Flag
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you just need time to get your logic back before making a choice [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.08, 09:34 AM Flag
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