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06.13.08, 06:53 AM General Topics
45 replies
I would like to get people's opinion. I know I am very lucky - my mother married a very wealthy man 8 years ago. She is very generous and helps us with our Nanny payments, down payment on house, etc. My husband feels that she should give us more (e.g. $1.0M - its nothing when considering his net worth) to help us with things like renovations, etc.) I am just grateful for what we get. We are not free-loading kids - we both work with over $200K plus jobs. What would you think - should I expect more from her and my stepfather or be grateful. My husband's arguement is that he's so wealthy it is a meaningless amount to them. Not trying to brag - this is an ongoing debate in our family and I'd like some thoughts from unbiased party. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.13.08, 06:53 AM Flag
 

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I think your dh sounds gross, personally [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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I think you should be grateful because they don't owe you both anything. Your dh sounds selfish and spoiled. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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You are not entitled to a cent. Your dh should be VERY grateful for getting anything at all. To expect more seems really off to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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your dh is so Wrong. He sounds entitled and this really bothers me. You are right. Be grateful [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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Your husband is a child. This isn't your dad we're talking about, it's a step-father that married your mom when you were an adult. He probably wasn't expecting that he was going to help you live the high life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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ITA! How very strange for DH to expect her/stephusband to give you guys anything (especially with $200K+ jobs ?!?) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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Wow. Just wow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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be grateful for what you have - you and your dh are not entitled to your stepfather's money by any means. I have a similar situation and my mom is generous - but on the other hand i also want her to enjoy her retirement and not have to worry about $ later on...your dh really needs to butt out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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he shouldn't expect anything - weird that he would. just because your stepdad has that much to give away, it could do something really good - feed the hungry rather than go toward your renovations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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^you and your dh are doing well on your own anyway. why would this even occur to your dh? and you aren't your stepdad's blood. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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OP: I appreciate everyone's responses; if I said the step-father was a billionaire and considering giving money away to charity would that change anyones opinion? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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it should go to the charity - i'm the replier just above this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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No. It's his money to do what he likes with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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not in the least. he should be giving money to charity, not to two people who make in the top 2% income bracket who aren't related. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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exactly - OP and her DH don't need the money like a charity does! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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Absolutely not. It is his money to give to whoever he wants. if he figures out your DH is a golddigger you may end up with nothing. BTW, does he have his own children? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:05 AM Flag
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OP: yes and treats us consistently the same so no favoratism to step or actual. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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not at all... you are not a charity. you are two successful adults and his giving away to a charity is honorable. your DH sounds like a petulant child who feels deserving of what is not his or yours... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:29 AM Flag
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I think this question indicates that you may have been "brainwashed" by DH... Are you seriously implying that you should get the money before a deserving charity ?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:33 AM Flag
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this post makes me sick - my mom married a relatively wealthy man when i was about 30 yo and he was so generous to me and loved my mom; i never ever expected anything as I was grown by the time they were married. he was killed in a plane crash and we have been heartbroken ever since - i could care less about the $ and we would do anything to have him back. your dh needs some serious perspective. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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if you and dh were struggling, i could see where this might come up. but you aren't - you're doing well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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Seriously, he has gotten flamed but the only thing you dh could suggest is that he contributes to his new step grandkids 529 funds. Possibly he could discuss estate planning and the value of outright gift giving vs paying death taxes but that would be in the context of discussing his will - are you all close enough to have that discussion? Does you mom's husband have kids of his own? Then assume anything/everything is going to them & hope your mom is taken care of. There is no way your step dad should pony up for your house renovations just because "he could". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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np - I agree with you, but I'm assuming the stepdad is pretty financially saavy if he has this much wealth and he's probably thought of the usual gifts grandparents (using the term loosely) make [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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I have to ask, how long have you been married? Your dh wasn't expecting to marry into a really rich family was he? He sounds like a gold digger. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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OP: no, nothing like that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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What the F happened to being responsible for yourself as an adult? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:11 AM Flag
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If I were your stepdad and found out how ungrateful dh was, I would cut you off entirely, so be careful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:11 AM Flag
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ITA with all the comments here that your DH is at best greedy...or at least it sounds that way. The level of the stepdad's wealth really doesn't matter...you're not teenagers, you are adults and should behave that way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:17 AM Flag
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totally OUTRAGEOUS sense of entitlement on the part of your DH. And his (or your?) argument that he should give money to you instead of charity is just gross. It doesn't "change" the situation, like you're wondering, it just exposes the callousness even more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:27 AM Flag
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DH is way way out of line... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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Dh needs to just learn to be grateful. What does he do for your step father? He should give a little bit of himself back to show his gratitude in a genuine way rather than just expecting more more more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:38 AM Flag
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Any sense of entitlement is sad in my opinion - no matter who is expecting and who they're expecting it from. Your dh is making himself miserable when he should be grateful about his life. He's no better than someone sitting around with no job expecting the government to take care of him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:40 AM Flag
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Sounds like your dh has a sense of entitlement. Just wondering how much his family is contributing toward the need to renovate the house? I think he should just smile and say thank you. I am living through a somewhat situation except that it is a df not a step father and the step mother would be happy to see us get nothing so she had $$$$$$$$ all for herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 08:05 AM Flag
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I bet you're a Y mom with the SUV to drop kids off [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 08:12 AM Flag
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OP: Thank you for everyone's reply. As mentioned in opening - I feel very grateful. I'm not going to make excuses for my husband but say we have the discussion internally only. This helps our last discussion which was to ask others opinion - and in this forum a very unbiased one. Thank you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 08:12 AM Flag
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you make 1/2 million a year and are looking for handouts from your STEPfather. gross, gross, gross. your dh makes me sick. you sound more levelheaded, but I personaly don't know how you live with this man... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 09:54 AM Flag
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Your husband is a freeloader. If I were the wealthy father-in-law, your DH had better be giving major oral pleasure in exchange for a million bucks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 09:57 AM Flag
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Wow! In my many UB years, I think this is the first time I've ever seen so many replies that all concur! WOW! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 10:04 AM Flag
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be content w/what she gives and move on. Never ask for more IMO. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 12:05 PM Flag
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I am not sure what you mean by 'should give us more'. Why should he? You are adults making an income, right??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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Your mother and her stepmother have no obligation to give you anything. The only thing you should expect from your mom is love and emotional support. Everything else is gravy. Tell your dh he is a greedy, superficial pig. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 12:12 PM Flag
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is this why your dh married you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 12:25 PM Flag
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It occurs to me as I read this post - do you have a pre-nup? If not you might want to consult an attorney - I would be concerned if my dh had this attitude [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 01:10 PM Flag
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smart post... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 01:10 PM Flag
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Since he is so generous perhaps he can send some cash my way. TIA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.13.08, 01:13 PM Flag
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