UrbanBaby

06.13.08, 06:30 AM General Topics
21 replies

I just had a little crying fit. Was handed a letter about how to prepare my preK daughter for K and it reduced me to tears. Long story short, I have been having strong feelings lately that I want another child. I am 42 and we had to do IVF for #1. After some M/Cs (I got pg a few times naturally after having #1) DH and I talked it through and concluded we were stopping at 1 DC. I feel like my reversal of position will be a big shock to him and he could very well not see things my way. I have been unable to get the words to come out of my mouth even to start the conversation up. It's silly. He is a sweet guy and we have a fine marriage but I am so wary of his reaction. Can anyone relate to me?? Can someone here who has BTDT give me the words to get the conversation started? Please no snarky responses. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.13.08, 06:30 AM Flag

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you have me really confused. is it the thought that your dc is getting older/growing up and that's what made you want another dc? In any case, don't build up your dh's position before you speak to him. Tell him what you've been thinking and ask him to think it over. then you can each discuss where you are standing and hopefully come to a conclusion that you are both ok with. good luck. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:32 AM Flag

OP: Sorry to confuse. We always wanted more than 1 dc and when things weren't working out we just decided to quit trying. I think DD going to K has caused those feelings of "I am not done" to boil up to the surface again. (She always askes for a sib, and has imaginary ones and while I try not to let that stuff factor into this, it does.) It's mostly about me feeling like my family is not yet complete. Thanks for your input. I know I have to just spit the words out and see where things go. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:37 AM Flag

i do that all the time with dh. i have a whole imaginary argument in my head adn i'm fuming at him before i even broach the subject with him [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:39 AM Flag

OP: I do this too. He sees some things so black and white and I never know if I will be getting black and white guy or contemplative guy. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:43 AM Flag

NP: I am you and have finally decided that we're going to make a very last attempt for another. Odds against us but we will be going to RE in Sept. If you feel this strongly now, you will regret not trying. And DH may very well understand this. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:40 AM Flag

OP: How old are you? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:41 AM Flag

I think that it is definitely something you need to bring up with dh. You are always going to wonder what could have been if you don't at least try. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:44 AM Flag

I agree w/ the others (and you) that you have to bring it up and see what he says. FWIW when I had a surprise pg w/#3 I was scared to tell DH. We had just put our house on the market and things were crazy with his job. I actually told friends (and our realtor) before I told him. He was thrilled when I told him and he said "You always 2nd guess how I'll feel about things for no reason." [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:48 AM Flag

I think it is normal to cry when your child enters kindergarten. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:50 AM Flag

Thanks [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:59 AM Flag

I think you should try but that's jst me, I'd love another child. Just be prepared to use donor eggs (which is a wonderful option) & you will probably be completely successful [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 06:59 AM Flag

OP: I know he is opposed to donor eggs. A cousin did it last year and he said he would never consider that. Maybe he would change his mind on that too....I think what I am learning from this thread is I/we shouldn't 2nd guess our DHs or assume the worst. I think it would be adoption for us, something I used to not be too interested in but as I get older I think it's a definite option. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:03 AM Flag

If it is adoption, you had better get on the stick, most have age cut offs. It will take months to get thru the home visits/application process & then usually another year before child actually arrives. I was going thru that at same time as doing DE since didn't really believe it would work (had had 3 m/cs) but lo & behold got pg right away. What are his concerns? My girls are 5 now so can probably answer. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:11 AM Flag

I guess just that it's not biologically mine and a little too sci fi. Back 5 years ago he was a little on the fence about IVF too....like, if we can conceive maybe we were interfering with nature by doing IVF. Did you or will you tell your DDs that they were conceived using DEs? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:13 AM Flag

Have already started to, mostly because one is ALWAYS asking for a baby sister so I tell her how difficult it was for mommy to have her & her sister, that we had to go a special doctor and have this nice lady help us get jump started. We will fill in the blanks as she gets older. The important thing is not to spring it on her when she is a teenager! If he can past IVF then maybe he can go for DE. Anyone that really wants a baby can, I had no problem getting pg (did it 3 times) just my eggs were too old and made defective babies which was its own kind of hell. As far as sci fi, it is really no different than sperm donor. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:50 AM Flag

what happened? I just wrote a long answer & it is not coming up [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:51 AM Flag

^^^never mind! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 07:52 AM Flag

Sometimes I write dh a letter to get it all out when I need to have a serious conversation and don't know how to start, sounds silly but it has really worked for us, leads to very good conversation, my dh is the same sometimes very black and white, sometimes contemplative...personally i think you should go for #2, use donor eggs if you have to, i wish you the best of luck and have a feeling your #1 will have a sib... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 10:27 AM Flag

Hon, 42 is way too old to be having kids. Face it, you waited too long. The ship has sailed. Focus on the child you have now. Or consider adoption. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.13.08, 10:37 AM Flag

Who are you to say that 42 is too old? It is none of your business!! To each his own... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 06:59 PM Flag

i have a gf with 2 healthy kids and a great marriage, she had the first child at 42 and second at 44. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.16.08, 07:13 PM Flag