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06.11.08, 07:26 AM General Topics
17 replies
How long after the death of a spouse do you think it's a reasonable time to wait before dating. I say when you are ready. DH says it should be a long while just for the sake of respect to their memory. We know someone who went out on a date 3 mo after the death but the spouse had yrs of a long illness (if that matters). WDYT? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:26 AM Flag
 

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It depends on the person. Some are ready to start dating sooner than others, especially if much of their mourning was done before their partner died, as is often the case with a long illness. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:30 AM Flag
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I agree. you can't put your own "rules" on someone else's grief. they need to do what is best for them, not what we think they should do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:32 AM Flag
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op: exactly my point to my dh. He just thinks that ppl should wait a certain amt of time (like a yr)before dating. I told him that everyone is different [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:32 AM Flag
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I think your DH should mind his own business and be grateful he isn't faced with such a situation. Generally, people who were happily married tend to date sooner and remarry - they believe in the institution of marriage and are fearful of being alone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:30 AM Flag
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I was offended and freaked when my dad started dating about 6 moths after the death of my mom, but realized (with lots of help) that dating quickly means often times that the person left behind loved the connection and being part of a "team" and it not a dishonor of the memory, but an honoring of what they had / found since it is being sought after again... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:49 AM Flag
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It all depends on whether you have kids. My dad started dating and married just a few months after my mom died. I understood intellectually his need for companionship but it felt like he just "forgot" my mom. The marriage was a disaster. My relationship with her was terrible. My relationship with my father became very strained. It changed everything. Years later I said to them both that it would have been better for them to have waited and both agreed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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I finally came to grips with the fact that my dad is a man first and my dad second and when you see a parent as a person first and a parent second, it's both sad and a relief... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 08:21 AM Flag
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Jewish tradition teaches one year. I don't know if non-religous jews practices this (probably not) but in Judiasm, the idea wasn't actually to make sure the morning period was long enough, but actually the opposite -- to make sure a widow or widower didn't mourn forever, but rather got on with their lives. One year was the period thought by the rabbis to be that perfect middle ground -- long enough to be respectful and to go through the full greiving process, but not so long as to unduely put a person's life on and prevent someone from finding a new life partner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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As a jew I've always thought it interesting that we don't mention death in the Kaddish and we say mourning should last one year to make sure people don't lose their love of life and move on, but we rarely talk of the "after"life or heaven or wnything like that... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.12.08, 02:55 PM Flag
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Kind of a hijack, but this subject always makes me ponder this question: If you are widowed or widowered, and find love again & remarry- who will you be with in Heaven (if you believe in that)? I am pretty ignorant religious-wise, but I have always wondered about this. I know the whole purpose of being in Heaven is to be with God, but it seems pretty common for people to speak of being with their loved ones...just speaking out loud I guess! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.12.08, 02:34 PM Flag
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I heard this discussion before and it had to do with burial... should the man be buried with the wife of 20 years or the new wife who he also loves... To me, it's all OK in the end because whatever your tradition, the "after" is happy... all together or however it works out... and if you don't believe in an after, that's easy too... But i bet the rabbis have ruminated on this for generations... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.12.08, 02:52 PM Flag
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my dh died 6 months ago, and i cannot wait to see him again in heaven. that said, i am open to meeting other people (not right away) and your question makes me wonder.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.12.08, 02:55 PM Flag
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I'm so sorry for your loss [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.12.08, 02:57 PM Flag
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thank you. it has been devastating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.12.08, 02:57 PM Flag
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I am so sorry... May i ask, what faith did you grow up in that you are sure you'll see him again ? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.12.08, 02:57 PM Flag
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i am protestant... brought up methodist, and now belong to a presbyterian church. i am sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.12.08, 02:58 PM Flag
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I wonder this too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.12.08, 02:56 PM Flag
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