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06.10.08, 19:43 PM General Topics
23 replies
Saw the post earlier about grandmothers NOT being good nannies. I work 25 hours/week and considering having my mom take over the nanny duties. She's only 61 and very energetic (was an elementary school teacher before she had kids) and we have her only grandchildren. It sounds ideal to me, but my mom would be making some fairly major life changes to work this all out, so I want to be sure it's not a mistake! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.10.08, 07:43 PM Flag
 

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life changes like what? is your dad supportive of the plan? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:44 PM Flag
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parents are divorced - mom is considering selling her house and moving closer to us to do this (we would likely buy her a condo) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:46 PM Flag
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it's not an easy decision. it changes the dynamic of your relationship. living closer. much more interdependence. we're asking similar questions about my family. we're currently living with my parents and will be in town for 2-3 months. they've said it's fine for us to stay the whole time, but we're thinking it woudl be best to get a temporary place. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:49 PM Flag
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suggested reading: "children, the challenge" by rudolf dreikurs. he talks about this. it used to be that gparents helped out wiht the family, but now it is very different and suggests not to do so. gparents should not help raise their gchildren. you may think she is not, but it is, more than a sitter would [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:51 PM Flag
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i recognize that she would helping to raise the kids, but i actually thought that would be a good thing (i.e. "it takes a village"). Why does the author think grandparents should not be part of the raising of children? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:56 PM Flag
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np... i have to admit... i think it's a good thing too. why not have more time with family members? it woudl be a big adjustment. and there' sno way of knowing how things will affect you. but if you're close with your mother, there's a good chance it can work out extremely well. you just all need to define your boundaries and then keep them as respectfully as possible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 08:03 PM Flag
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i think it's different for everyone. i would never ask my mom to take over as nanny. (putting aside of course, that she works full time). She is very controlling, wants to do things her way and doesn't really get that kids have a lot of energy and need to play. she's great with dd in short amounts, but someone needs to be there to intervene when she's reached her limit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:48 PM Flag
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my mom watches my kids 1 day a week. tough when i had the second. she wasn't willing to do the 2 alone so my dad comes to help get 3yo to school and back while she deals with the baby. it's working well for us and i give them every opportunity to change their mind. our main issue is that they do have lives so when they travel or have other conflicts then i have to switch my work days around. only work 3 day/week so it does usually work out but fortunately me work is flexible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:49 PM Flag
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my work is very flexible and i think my mom would be really good with the kids. i just worry that having her move is fairly permanent and (obviously) a big investment for us to buy her a condo (although hopefully a good investment if we are buying now when the market is somewhat low). my mom says that she wants to be closer to our kids and complains about my current nanny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:51 PM Flag
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how do you get along with your mom? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:52 PM Flag
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really close - we talk every day, she is probably my best friend. however, we struggle some when she stays at our house for longer than a week, just because she needs her own space [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:55 PM Flag
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uh-oh. that does not sound good, actually. sorry, i smell trouble. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:54 PM Flag
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what part? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:57 PM Flag
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last sentence, both parts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:59 PM Flag
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fair enough - - i just keep hoping the good (and there is a lot of good) makes it worthwhile to try to work out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 08:02 PM Flag
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np is it something you want to do. what struck me abt that last description you gave is it sounds like your mother wants it, and you're more going along with it than really wanting it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 08:04 PM Flag
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it sounds like a great opportunity for your kids to spend some time with their grandmother. what would you do otherwise? get a stranger? day care? neither are anywhere as wonderful as family - this is the way it's done in so many other cultures and in our own up until a generation or 2 ago. i'm all for it as long as it's not dangerous or disastrous for the relationships. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:55 PM Flag
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op here: that's my initial reaction, too. i always had a really close relationship with my grandparents and want my kids to have that, too. my dh doesn't see any potential problems because his elderly grandmother lived with them when he was a kid. i do think there are potential problems, but keep hoping this can work... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 07:58 PM Flag
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if there are potential problems, there will be problems and you will not be able to go back to what was before. but, good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 08:00 PM Flag
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i don't mean potential problems unique to our relationship, i mean that it's naive to assume there will be no problems associated with changing the relationships in your family [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 08:03 PM Flag
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np but there's also the potential for their relationship to become something more complex and wonderful. they'll have to depend on each other in ways they've never had to do before. when you can go thru this and work it out, you get closer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 08:07 PM Flag
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do it!!! and good luck - honestly - it will be awesome. my kids love their gram and grampy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 08:01 PM Flag
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there are pros and cons to every option for daycare. You just have to figure out if for you these pros outweight the cons. possible pros are obvious, possible cons - it's your mom and you can't tell her what to do if you disagree with her, you can't fire her, and you may end up projecting/dealing with your own issues rawther than truly evaluate what's best for kids. For eg you may think she's being controlling or something b/c you had that experience w her or thought you did when she's not. good luck, it could be great just realize that there may be problems, not insurmountable of course. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 08:04 PM Flag
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