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06.10.08, 13:48 PM New York City
31 replies
My rules for hiring caregivers. 1. Never keep your baby nurse. They suck with toddlers, even if you felt very comfortable with them. And they will cost you an arm and a leg. Hire a live-in if you must, but you don't need to spend that much money. 2 Never hire your mother. Not matter how much you trust them, they are grandmothers, not nannies, and they are tired and cranky. I've seen it numerous times. And you can't fire them. 3. Treat this like a professional position. If you go away, you pay them. Set up their vacation schedule and holidays in advance. 4. If you need to install a nanny cam, you hired the wrong person. Trust your instincts. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
New York City 06.10.08, 01:48 PM Flag
 

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and why do i care about your rules? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:50 PM Flag
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why do you care about NEST, LL, Anderson, failing HS freshman, fertility little brother, etc. etc. etc. Do you write that under every post that does not concern you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:53 PM Flag
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nobody else says "these are my rules" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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np why do you care that she says they're her rules? does her confidence and experience make you insecure? maybe others find this helpful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:57 PM Flag
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nanny cams should be required for all moms [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:51 PM Flag
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no. If you have to spy on your employees you are doing something wrong. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:53 PM Flag
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OP: everyone I know who purchased a nanny cam (after hiring) did so because some thing felt not right. They then fired the nanny after viewing tapes. Bottom line, if you feel like you *need* a nanny cam, you hired the wrong person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:56 PM Flag
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I agree with all of those "rules" but I disagree with number 3. It depends on the person you hired. It can very well end up in a friendship or she could become part of your extended family. I would even go so far that it should or you didn't hire the right person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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np: those aren't mutualy exclusive. you can have very warm feelings for your nanny but you should not use that as an excuse to pay les or beinconsiderate about scheduling. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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OP, by professional, I mean to follow good corporate compensation rules of fairness. I absolutely agree with you about extended family relationship. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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okay, I can agree with that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:09 PM Flag
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ita. and it blows me away how people don't seem to acknowledge their children's very real attachment to their caregivers. you fire a nanny (not that it isn't sometimes necessary), it's going to hurt your child [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:55 PM Flag
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disagree with your #2 - my mother not only watches our DCs - she also lives with us, and it's been 100% terrific. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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My sis in the burbs (a workng mom who uses daycare and sitters and is a teacher) and me in NYC (both WOHM and SAHM) have both observed that grandmothers are not caregivers. I know that moms think everything is OK, but what we see on days off would say that your mother is a very, very rare exception. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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I guess - DD clearly adores her -- she spends time playing with her even when DH and I are there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:00 PM Flag
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playing and adoring are very different from caregiving. I see grandmoms who can't sit on the floor in kids' classes, who are very short with the kids, who have them watch tv too much, etc etc...... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:02 PM Flag
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mine's awesome - she's very involved and patient. I know I'm very lucky. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:03 PM Flag
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she must be younger than many of our mothers...and I agree...you are very lucky. That is nice for you family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:04 PM Flag
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she's actually close to 70, but I was an only child and she always yearned for more DCs - I think that makes a huge difference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:04 PM Flag
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You could be right! Enjoy her and the relationship! As the OP, I would also say we could find excetpions to all these rules, but they are rare and a good place to start. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:07 PM Flag
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I would add, trust but verify. Ask local SAHMs & SAHDs what they think. Keep asking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:21 PM Flag
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OP: that is a really good idea, too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:30 PM Flag
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As a SAHM it makes me crazy. If your nanny is good, I'm thrilled to praise her, but it is very difficult to criticize without an invitation. Do NOT assume no news is good news. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:33 PM Flag
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I've called one person about a nanny. She said, "Oh a few people have called about her, but I'm not worried." WTF...still has the same nanny 7 years later and she is still nasty to the girl. Too inconvenient for the mom to search around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:36 PM Flag
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Several friends saw a nanny FALL ASLEEP while "watching" toddler. After a few times, they called the mother, and she said she felt sorry for the nanny. She was so tired. WTF INDEED. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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this nanny was verbally abusive , said the kid needed to be discliplined because her head shape made her stubborn, stormed out of a music together class (leaving DB there)cursing in Tagolog after the teacher made a remark that it was OK to chew on toys (not directly at the nanny) after the nanny kept pulling toys roughly away from the db...(saw all this myself) and my nanny and another nanny told me that had sort of adopted the child and nanny to keep an eye on her. I had a few sahms call me about her ( I was wohm, but in touch with the neighborhood mafia and they didn't know this mother at all). When db2 came, a boy, she played disgusting favorites. But heck, she showed up, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 02:44 PM Flag
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I couldn't disagree more with your "mother" rule. My mother watches my son, she has more patience with him than I do, and she enjoys all the games and never tires of him, also she is very strict with discipline and doesn't let him get away with anything. And more importantly, she is my mother so I never have to worry for one second about my child. I also have several friends sho see my mother with my son all time and comment about how amazing she is with him. I am not saying all grandmothers should be caregivers, it's certianly not a job that all seniors would be up to, but it certainly is the best in my case. My mother also gets to my house at 6 am, when DS gets up, so I can go back to sleep for an hour before work (does that sounnd like a lazy person to you?) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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^^^^^maybe you and the OR above are the one in a million exception, but all of my observation says don't hire the grandmother. My sis and I say nothing when we hear these women brag abut having their mothers/mils as caregivers, but we know the truth. No, she's not lazy and I hope you pay her well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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ITA! I am fortunate that I have a high paying job and can afford to follow your rules and pay a top nanny a professional salary, medical benefits and paid vacation (5 weeks). She has been with us 5 years and I'm hoping she's with us for another 5. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 02:41 AM Flag
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there are other ways to fairly compensate a nanny. it is not just about money. If you and DH have fairly flexible jobs you can pass this flexibility on to the nanny. We, for example, couldn't pay our nanny much (below UB standard) but we made this up with pretty much unlimited vacation time for her (she never abused that), a cell phone that we added to our family calling plan, etc. etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 05:56 AM Flag
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What are good rates for live-in UES? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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