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06.09.08, 18:36 PM General Topics
41 replies
if you knew that the chances were very, very high that you'd have a child with Down Syndrome, would you have it? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.09.08, 06:36 PM Flag
 

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no [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:37 PM Flag
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no, im sorry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:39 PM Flag
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This came up with us. We decided yes, but had an amnio and echocardiogram, etc. so that 1) we could prepare and 2) make sure there were not any big birth defects (heart, kidneys). DB turned out to be fine, so I cannot say for certain that we would not have changed our minds and terminated. But I don't think we would have. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:39 PM Flag
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absolutely not [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:40 PM Flag
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Yes. But I wouldn't judge anyone who chose a different option. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:41 PM Flag
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I'd first have the amnio to find out for sure, but I just don't think I could term for downs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:44 PM Flag
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a good friend of mine decided not to terminate (not downs, but a severe health issue). the child has had multiple painful surgeries and they still have no firm guarantee of adulthood, , their older daughter spends half her time in hospitals, and they went from having college and retirement savings to being hopelessly in debt. there's really no way to know what a SN kid entails until it's already "too late" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:47 PM Flag
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^^and as much as they love the baby, if they had it to do over again they'd have terminated [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:48 PM Flag
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OR above who had Downs scare: ITA about the health issues. Our bigger concern was that DB could have severe congenital problems that would affect his quality of life, and the quality of life of the rest of our family. The Downs alone would not have had us terminate, but the addition of the other problems would have. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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sped teacher here and friend to families w/kids w/special needs. i've never, ever met a single parent who said they'd rather their child not have been born. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:54 PM Flag
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that's not what my friend says either. you need to understand the difference -- she doesn't with the child she now has had never beenborn -- but if she had a time machine she would have decided to not bring the not-yet-existent child into a world of misery [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:56 PM Flag
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^^ doesn't wish [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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if you are willing to terminate a pg then you are wishing a child not to be born. there's no way around it. i'm prochoice so this is not a religious zealot thing. but you can't say you don't wish your child had not been born if you wish you had terminated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:00 PM Flag
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np: It's your problem if you can't see the difference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:01 PM Flag
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no - it's a disconnect. you are kidding yourself if YOU can't see it's the same thing. either a child is born or the pg is terminated. if you wish you had terminated, you are wishing for the opposite of what you did, which is give birth to the child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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Enjoy your moral certitude. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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^^^Especially when you are comparing SN to severe physical ailments. I'm sure OR's friend is tortured by watching her child suffer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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stupid reply. you can just as easily say that if the parent wishes that their child had been born healthy they are wishing that their current child had not been born -- since a healthy child would also be the opposite of what they have. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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hmmm. since you are so comfortable with your certainty, i hope you get to make such a choice someday [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:01 PM Flag
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any by the way, pious little replies like yours are so not necessary -- especially if you haven't lived their life. (Teaching sped kids is not the same as having one) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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how in the world is that a pious reply. she knows one person who wishes she had terminated and i know many who don't. why is hers a fact and mine pious. i'm not making this up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:01 PM Flag
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because it's full of judgment, and you don't speak from experience, only from proximity [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:02 PM Flag
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if you've done something that makes you uncomfortable, go deal with that. i was only giving the counterpoint of families i know who do NOT wish they'd terminated. the poster talking about her FRIEND who wished she'd terminated was talking about experience - SHE was talking about proximity. if something i wrote made you uncomfortable then that's you. ONE poster knows ONE person who wishes she'd terminated. I know many who don't. Don't be pissed at me about that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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i'm going to second the wishing it on you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:06 PM Flag
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well - that's really sweet of you. i'm pg and have chosen to do no testing whatsoever. if wishing a special needs child on someone who is willing to give birth to whatever i have helps you sleep at night, then sweet dreams. i don't think my choice is any better than anyone elses. i only said i know many people who DON'T wish they'd terminated. how that is worse than someone saying they know someone who DOES wish it is beyond me. but i guess i'd be cooler and hipper if my friends wish they'd terminated their pgs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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your self-righteousness will haunt you. good luck with your pregnancy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:11 PM Flag
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ugh -- i hate sp. ed teachers like you. you probably refer to them all as "your kids" and break your arm patting yourself on the back for all the good works you do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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i really need someone to spell out to me why it's ok for someone to say they know someone who wished they'd terminated and it was not ok for me to say i know someone who doesn't wish it. you guys have many issues. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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I'm the OR with the friend, and I already explained it to you. You are choosing to ignore the difference, and IMO it makes you kind of a bitch. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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lol, they do refer to their students as "my kids" don't they? not just sped. ed., seems all of them at elementary school level. so presumptive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:13 PM Flag
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Im so sorry - I hope that things work out as best as they possibly can given the situation. Is she a strong person? Does she have a good attitude? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:50 PM Flag
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yes and yes. she is amazing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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I totally understand. One of my friends had a db who was diagnosed with some potentially serious health problems as a fetus. Db has had two strokes, countless surgeries, and is on dialysis. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:51 PM Flag
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My chances were high, but my db didn't end up having it. Don't know what I would have done. It's expensive to properly care for a downs baby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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No... but my sister was too young to take the standard tests. Turns out her child was born with hand/ feet defects which were partially correctable with many (12+) surgeries over 6 years. Her hands and feet are functioning although "not pretty", but her daughter is an amazing little girl with high emotional intelligence as well as intellect. To think she would have been aborted when the test showed problematic results.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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not the point of this but why was your sister to young to take the standard tests? was it a teen pg? do they not test pg teens? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:07 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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no... and I am very sorry if you are facing this... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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if amnio was positive for downs, yes. i know i can't give a sn child what he/she needs to thrive, would drain too much out of me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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I guess I don't understand "chances very, very high [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.10.08, 10:09 AM Flag
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A very good source of information on caring for children with Down syndrome is on the personal blogs of parents with children diagnosed with the conditiion. They will tell you the day to day reality of caring for children with Down syndrome. Most report the experience different than expected... in a good way! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.08, 11:47 AM Flag
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