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06.09.08, 17:01 PM General Topics
15 replies
OK... etiquette police please respond... Visited SIL who is expecting this summer. Lives in big rent controlled apt (3 BD / 3 Bth) and it is filthy... not just dirt, but years and years of accumulated funk from her Dh and past roommates and such. he thinks nothing is wrong and refuses to pay for a level 4 biohazard team (as I think they need). She thinks it's OK and her mom who mentioned her concerns is out of line. I wanted to buy a cleaning service as a "gift" but the whole place needs to be cleaned out, crap sent to storage, and then those British ladies from BBc who clean need to be called in... Suggestions ? I am really concerned for my niece/nephew to be, and I'm not at all a germophobe ! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.09.08, 05:01 PM Flag
 

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Give an example of how dirty. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:02 PM Flag
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layers of caked on shower funk that's brown and old half dead plants everywhere and old sponges that could probably walk away themselves around and ancient toilet brushes in decrepit bathrooms... it's like you just walked into the apt of a homebound 80 year old man [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:03 PM Flag
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are they not getting it cleaned because they don't want to spend the $? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:02 PM Flag
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i think that and because they don't think there's a problem ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:03 PM Flag
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Sounds like a good issue for your MIL to attend to. Somehow it's okay for them to be nosy and insulting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:05 PM Flag
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yes... i guess it may be up to her, but my SIL and I have a good relationship and I want to help. I'd seriously love to get in there and send them for a weekend away and say "nothing will be tossed, it will all be stored" and re-do the place to make it safer, cleaner, prettier, and all that, but I'm so confused and worried by their lack of worry... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:06 PM Flag
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Could you just go do that while she's in the hospital? Tell them it's your gift to have a meal ready and the place cleaned up when they get home? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:12 PM Flag
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you need to mind your own business. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:05 PM Flag
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even if the place is unsafe ? in no time that baby will be putting things in its mouth, getting all around... i hate to think of it... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:07 PM Flag
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i guess you're all right and I have to smile and bring lots of wipes when i visit ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:11 PM Flag
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np: they have the right to make their own mistakes as parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:11 PM Flag
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from the etiquette perspective only: they do not see it as a problem. therefore it would be rude to buy them a "gift" of a cleaning service. the implied judgment represented by such a gift is clear. sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:05 PM Flag
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If it makes you feel any better - We were friends with a family like this growing up. Filthy house, mom slept all day, kids made their own meals (fluffer nutters and spaghetti-ohs straight from can). Their kids were always healthy and rarely got hurt doing kid stuff. My brother and I were raised by a hygienic mother who worried about having all 4 food groups at every meal, etc. We were both always sick and both had bone breaks by age 7. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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Thank you... I see from the responses that I should probably just let it go and let them handle whatever comes on their own... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:23 PM Flag
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My mom says she got this twitchy feeling every time she went to their house - a "just let me get my rubber gloves" kind of twitch. I'm pretty anal about clutter, but let my kids eat cheerios off the floor because I remember these people. (10 years later, when they moved, the peanut butter that was smeared on their fireplace screen was still there!) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:26 PM Flag
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