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06.08.08, 18:20 PM General Topics
29 replies
My husband cheated on me. I caught him. Anyone on who got through this and stayed together? I don't see how I can do it. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.08.08, 06:20 PM Flag
 

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Well, to even give it a shot, he would have to agree to stop seeing the other woman and to go into intensive therapy with you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:21 PM Flag
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I gave it a real try. But my marriage ended four years later. Sorry for your pain. I hear you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:21 PM Flag
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what did you do? why did it eventually end? do you feel it would have been better to call it quits earlier? i am so lost. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:26 PM Flag
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The usual stuff. Sought couples counseling, really tried to work on it, and it ended because he lied about ending things and I found out and felt doubly betrayed. The second time was worse than the first. Like dull knives in the eyes. I hope you don't have to experience that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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Oh God. I am so sorry. I don't think I could take that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:30 PM Flag
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give yourself time. don't even worry about down the road right now. figure out what you need now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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i have no idea what i need now. i need to hide under the covers for about a month. but that's clearly not an option. other than that, i have no clue. i can't stop crying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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do you need to be alone. do you need to get a room somewhere and cry for a bit. do you need to get out of the house. are you around dh all the time now? It's a long long process. But give yourself some time. How long ago did you find out? At a certain point, you'll decide whether or not you want to continuing trying or not. It'll still hurt, but you'll get to a point where you'll know one way or the other. You'll prob go back and forth a lot too, but then you always hit those decision making times. dh and I are about 1 yr and 3 months out from a similar thing. it is not easy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:32 PM Flag
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I found out last night. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:35 PM Flag
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did he tell you or did you find out? it does take time. and you need to take at least a day, or an evening to help you ground yourself and figure out what you want to do next. perhaps try therapy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:36 PM Flag
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I am replying here because it won't let me reply below. I saw them. He denied it. She confessed it a day later. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:43 PM Flag
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how did you catch him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:32 PM Flag
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They were in our apt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:36 PM Flag
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how many kids do you have? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:37 PM Flag
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WTF? Were your kids with you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:38 PM Flag
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They were here. It was late. It is sick. The kids didn't see anything. He tried to lie about it (weren't doing much but still). She finally told me what happened last night. She was a friend. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:40 PM Flag
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what a situation. i'm sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:41 PM Flag
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there is no going back from that. You will never trust him again [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:43 PM Flag
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ita, and btdt. I posted below. I know I could never trust dh again. plus he's shown no remorse. I am shocked by how little I really knew him, and how much I want him out of my life. But there's dc to take care of, so he'll never be gone totally. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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I just don't want to be anywhere near him. I don't want to talk to him or hear his voice. Trust and love or any sort of relationship just seem like an utter impossibility. And I don't even feel anger now, but I know that will come eventually and when that happens, I just don't think we will make it through. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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sorry to post so much later- but I know how you feel. I thought that we would, though, because when it happened I viewed it as a turning point, I really thought he'd snap out of it and realize what a huge mistake he'd made. Turns out, he doesn't see it as a mistake at all. He still wants the family thing but he completely ruined our relationship. I know that it's for the best for the two of us, but it sucks that he destroyed his kids' family for his own needs. I bet he'll turn back at some point but we'll be long gone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 08:01 PM Flag
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dump him and the friend- IMMEDIATELY! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:42 PM Flag
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OMG, I'm so sorry. I'd throw the bastard out and change the locks. Really, this is such a disrespect to your whole family that he would do it there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:42 PM Flag
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That's the worst part. What I want to do is pack up and leave my apt. with my kids and never come back. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:45 PM Flag
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Consult with a lawyer. Don't give him an inch, protect yourself. I suspect someone who would do this could do anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:46 PM Flag
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DON'T LEAVE. I know exactly how you feel -- getting away from what feels so toxic and destructive. But the smartest thing to do is to fight to keep your focus away from him and on yourself, the rest of your life, your dcs. It will feel impossible, but try to will yourself to keep up your own life, right where you are. Make HIM have to do all of the moving/changing/losing. Fake it til you make it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 05:52 AM Flag
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np: mine did this with a friend, but I didn't catch them the way you did. I caught emails. I feel for you, I was you a year ago. It's still hard, but my dh made it easier by being unwilling to try therapy or to stop seeing the woman socially. I have no doubt that I want him out and I'm biding my time. gl to you, if I were a praying woman I'd pray for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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I can give you the long-term view. My ex cheated on me, we stayed together. It took me ten years to get over the anger and the betrayal, but I really did. I think I did though by caring less about him. We had a lot of good years, a lot of fun with our children, and broke up a few days short of our 26th anniversary. My advice is to not invest the time and sacrifice of youth and idealism that getting over it requires. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 07:24 AM Flag
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i think you need to find the reason he cheated. is he a sociopath that has repeatedly cheated. or was this a bad judgment call that is salvageable with therapy and a recommitment to the relationship. don't do anything rash until you understand your husband and his motivations better [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.08, 06:34 PM Flag
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