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06.07.08, 16:51 PM General Topics
16 replies
Tomorrow, I am supposed to sign a lease, to leave my husband. I am so utterly confused. I have not been happy in my marriage, and yet, I'm sick about leaving. We have 2 children. In short, it's just not a life. He makes lots of money, but is controlling about it. Will now, for the first time provide a joint account (and he will contribute "significantly" more (that's his words) to household expenses, because I have one foot out the door. That's one of the issues. But, leaving? I'm so confused. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.07.08, 04:51 PM Flag
 

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I don;t think you leave if he is finding ways to meet your needs - unless he is abusive [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 05:00 PM Flag
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it sounds like op's dh is abusive. there are other forms of abuse besides physical abuse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 06:00 PM Flag
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therapy, therapy, therapy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 05:03 PM Flag
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we are in therapy and hope to continue [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 05:06 PM Flag
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then why move out now? that is a huge thing for dc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 05:08 PM Flag
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also, it took me threatening to leave to get him to go to counseling. it took me threatening to leave to get him to speak to me. i have so much anger and defenses built up against him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 05:13 PM Flag
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i can't reply to other person. also, he owns house outright. i don't get ownership other than the percentage i contribute. we didn't have sex for 4 years, but i have to admit, that now he is trying. the list goes on, but basically, i feel like i can't be who i am. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 05:08 PM Flag
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op: i know. i don't know. i guess i have fantasized about it for so long. about the opportunity to be who i am, about the opportunity to find true happiness. he's so rigid and has so many rules, and our money is completely separate, and he makes a ton, but says i'm spoiled for wanting a car in the city (i also work). i mean, he's better than he was, but i am emotionally beat up. i don't feel comfortable being near other people when he's around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 05:10 PM Flag
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I left and it was best decision I ever made. Difficult and painful, yes, but necessary. Only you know how bad things are for you. Only you can make the decision to leave or not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 05:13 PM Flag
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what were the issues? was it really very difficult? i am immobilized. yet, i know that ever since i actually found the lease, i feel stronger. i guess, i feel stronger because i'm doing something about it, but if i stop, maybe i will feel bad again. i wish i could call you. maybe your problems were worse than mine. maybe i'm being unreasonable. did you think any of this? my dh does have many good attributes, but i'm not "living" and i am miserable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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np: i think that if there is hope for your marriage, you need to repair it from separate living situations. he only comes around when you threaten to leave. so leave, try to work it out and see if it was meant to be. you are losing yourself. you'll be no good for you or dc, if you continue like this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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ITA! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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op: losing myself? i'm lost. i'm sure he'll always blame it on the fact that i left, but i guess that's par for the course. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 07:43 PM Flag
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Girlfriend, go to therapy and figure out why you felt so worthless you married this guy, a guy that tried to write child support out of a prenup. You have a lot of healing to do and you can't do it in an environment where DH is constantly berating you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 07:53 PM Flag
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boy, i didn't even mention it this time. i'm in therapy. i found an apartment. i have the cashier's checks. he doesn't berate me. he's just so rigid and paranoid about being poor, that it impedes our ability to enjoy our lives within our means. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 07:55 PM Flag
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You've posted before. GO!!! He treats you and the kids worse than pets. He needs so much therapy. He needs to want to be a family, treating you like an equal. If I were you, I'd move out, demand more therapy, and refuse to move back without him amending your horrid pre-nup. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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