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06.06.08, 10:12 AM General Topics
33 replies
I am the mom who's 16 year old son got his 16 year old girlfriend pregnant and her parents kicked her out. They have come to a decision....she will have the baby and give it up for adoption. We are going to look at open adoption. They decided they wanted to give a childless couple the chance to have a baby. The girlfriend's parents are happy she isn't having an abortion but unhappy that she's pregnant because they think [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.06.08, 10:12 AM Flag
 

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That is a very generous and cool thing to do. So glad they had you to support them while making the decision. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:13 AM Flag
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It's been tough, I won't get you wrong. The girlfriend will continue to live with us for the time being. Her parents are still upset at her for being pregnant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:14 AM Flag
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that's great. what a wonderful gift. i'd be a little sad too about not knowing my grandchild, but it's for the best [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:14 AM Flag
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I am a bit sad on that, but I also know that it will be really tough for them at this age to have a baby. And I am happy they choose to do this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:15 AM Flag
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np: if its an open adoption, she may know her grandchild. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:15 AM Flag
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I am hoping....I wouldn't want to step on the toes of the new parents, but it would be nice to know the baby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:16 AM Flag
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i know in some open adotions that does happen, but of course there is huge huge variation. i hope you all get a solution you cna live with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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We have been talking to people about this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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I bet adoptive parents would be pretty open to this too - an extra grandma is not threatening at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:16 AM Flag
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I don't want to be overbearing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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Of course not, but I would be surprised if they were totally opposed to you knowing the kid. Also, your son and his girlfriend can basically negotiate this however they want. There are way more parents looking for babies then there are babies available. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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We're going to start meeting with people either next week or the week after to get more information and start preparing, etc. I know my son and his girlfriend have said they would prefer a family somewhere nearby so its easier. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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Good luck with everything - I'm sure it's not entirely fun. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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OP: It's not.....trust me, it's been a rollarcoaster. Dealing with these decisions, plus the fact that the girlfriend is living with us and upset and confused with her parents. And also being upset wtih my son for being stupid and not using a condom one time. It's been tough and I am working through it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:25 AM Flag
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You sound like a fantastic mom! Hope all this works out as best as it can for all of you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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Thank you and I will keep everyone updated during all of this. UB has been a lifesaver during all of this for me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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i've heard that an open adoption is not that ideal for the adoptive parents. if i were adopting, i wouldn't want this at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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I would like to know my grandchild but also not cause a problem, we have to work this all out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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well the chld would have 4 sets of grandparents. how cool would that be lol? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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OP: I think it would be cool for the child, but I also want to have something that works for teh child as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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sounds like the IL set will not be involved [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:20 AM Flag
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OP: most likely not....they are embarassed that this happened to their daughter and while I think they still love her, they'd rather ignore that she's pregnant and they're against abortion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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it really varies among adoptive families. there is, of course, a lot of stuff on the internet about this, but a great blog by an adoptive mom with a very open adoptionis "this woman's work." lots of links there too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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I will take a look. We've talked to some social workers about this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:20 AM Flag
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your son and his girlfriend sound very mature, adn they have made a great selfless decision. i wish you all the best. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:14 AM Flag
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I have been amazed at how mature they've been through this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:15 AM Flag
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That's great that they have made a decision, even though they still have a long, hard road ahead of them. Can I ask what part of the country you are in? I know a very loving couple that is looking to grow their family through adoption. (they are unable to have another biological child). They are working with an agency in NY, and would be happy to share the agency's contact information. Either way, best of luck to you and to them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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We live in the NYC metro area. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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Same with this family. The agency is Forever Families through Adoption and their number is 914-939-1180. The agency is new but the executive director is a social worker and her husband is a lawyer and together, they have been doing private placement adoptions for 25 years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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Thanks, I will take a look into it. We plan on looking at a number of places and making the best choice. What my son and his girlfriend are most comfortable with. Best of luck to your friends. I know this is a long road and I figure we'll ride it through. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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We are adoptive parents of an almost 4 year old boy who joined our family through open adoption. (We also have a biological child who is 10 1/2.) Open adoption can be a terrific option for both birth parents and adoptive parents. My son benefits from knowing his entire family and we feel that it will help him later integrate all parts of his identity, particularly because he is multi-racial and we are white. We worked with an agency called Adoptions from the Heart (www.adoptionsfromtheheart.org) which was started by an adoptee before open adoption was "cool." Most adoptive parents in open adoption will tell you that they wish for more contact with birthparents rather than less. While some adoptive parents initially view open adoption with concern or fear that this kind of situation will threaten the bond with their child, this is not how it works. Rather, the connection with your child's birth family is precious and adds to your child's happiness. Our relationship with our child's birth family is like that one with extended family. Good luck with all of this! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 02:14 PM Flag
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Nice summary. I think I agree with everything you say. (np) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 03:49 PM Flag
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A friend did an open adoption through http://www.adoptionsbygladney.com/html/about/index.shtml . It is an open adoption. The birth parents were super young and the adoptive parents actually go on outings (think zoo, etc.) with the birth parents and grandparents, etc. Very open. It works for them. Another friend adopted through the same agency and the 16 year old birth mom chooses to be totally out of the picture. As she ages, I'm thinking that will change. But in 10 years, the birth mom will just be 26! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.08, 02:27 PM Flag
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