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06.04.08, 21:01 PM General Topics
27 replies
who has good advice for dealing with whining and tantrums? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 09:01 PM Flag
 

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what age? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:01 PM Flag
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2.9 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:02 PM Flag
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This, too, shall pass. There's not much you can do about the tantrums. She'll outgrow them eventually. You can try to avoid situations that are triggers--hunger, fatigue, over-stimulation, etc. Beyond that, you can experiment with what works best. Some kids throw tantrums because they feel out of control and are scared. If that is the case, try to hold dc. If she throws tantrum because she is not getting her way, probably best to ignore. Sometimes hard to know the diff. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:09 PM Flag
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op: yes, i worry about this--sometimes i think i should ignore it, other times i think she's gotten so out of control that she's a little scared and needs me nearby. hard to tell. these tantrums are starting to unravel me, though, i tell ya. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:14 PM Flag
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if you think she is scared. Try to hold her and tell her why you are doing it: I can see you are having trouble controlling yourself, so I'm going to help you. She will probably fight you, but you may find that she will relax against you fairly quickly and the tantrum will dissolve more quickly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:19 PM Flag
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i will try this, thank you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:21 PM Flag
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1.) Say "I can't understand you when you use your whiny voice. If you speak to me in your big boy voice, I will respond." 2.) You can't have a tantrum without an audience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:02 PM Flag
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op: i've said that about a million times. sometimes she switches tone, sometimes not. sometimes i can deprive her of attention oxygen, but sometimes--like on the street--it's harder to do that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:03 PM Flag
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On the street, just say to her simply "Either you stop that right now, or there will be no (fill in the blank... story, TV, playdate, whatever is important to her)." And follow through. If it's bad, you sometimes just have to pull rank and go home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:05 PM Flag
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op: ita, but what do you do when dc won't get into the stroller? or won't walk? just screams, cries, throws herself ... ? she doesn't ever just stop right now. i feel like i should start selling tickets to the show. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:07 PM Flag
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I tell DS I'm not responding to him until he uses his regular voice for whining. Tantrums, ignore as much as possible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:04 PM Flag
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I can't respond to what you just posted above ("ita, but..."), so I'll respond here. If they won't get in the stroller, you PUT them in the stroller, and latch them in. You have to force it if they're hysterical. And the more consistent and meaningful you are in your punishments, the less they'll have tantrums. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:10 PM Flag
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op: i try. i'm starting to feel mortified out on the street w/ my screaming, hysterical kid, you know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:16 PM Flag
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If it happens that often, it's time to do a major overhaul of discipline. Have you heard of 1-2-3 Magic? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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i've heard of it, will look on amazon for it, thanks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:21 PM Flag
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Easier said than done to put a tantrumming 2.5yr old in stroller. My dd snapped the hood off her Maclaren when she was this age. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.08, 12:54 AM Flag
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^^^also, I found you could not reason at all, threaten to take stuff away as dd was in a manic world of her own. I just took her home, stiff as a board, put her in her room and left her to cry it out. When she calmed down we would hug and make up. By age 3 the crazy tantrums had stopped. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.08, 12:56 AM Flag
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Logical explanations (simplified of course). Give him/her the reasons why X is not appropriate, or Y cannot be eaten/purchased/flushed/colored/swallowed/spit/kicked.... Set very specific boundaries and stick to them. Sticker chart for positive reinforcement and timeouts for negative reinf. ( I use a naughty chair and this can involve some serious willpower (yours!) at first but they eventually get it.) I have never cared for a child where these tips failed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:14 PM Flag
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op: i don't know what i'm doing wrong then ... i feel like i'm doing these things pretty exactly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:15 PM Flag
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You also need to deal in their currency. Just explaining things to someone under 3 isn't enough. For example, I say "if you keep that up, I will take away your trains for the rest of the day. Do you understand?" that often does the trick. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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"does the trick" meaning they usually stop crying at that point? dd just freaks out more if i tell her the consequences, which seems counterproductive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:18 PM Flag
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are u confident in your firmness? if not, they sense it in a heartbeat. if you are - just keep at it. some take a bit longer to learn than others. boundaries, consistency, providing reasons rather than "b/c i said so" (and opening that up for conversation when they are not in the midst of a meltdown), and total confidence in your parenting skills. you'll get there! :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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i'm a teacher, so i'm used to being firm when necessary, but i also feel sympathetic when she is upset, which may feel like softness to her. i never do "b/c i said so"--it's always b/c it's dinnertime, b/c it's dangerous, b/c you could get hurt, b/c that's not nice, etc. i wonder if it's just her temperament. i hope she'll grow out of it, but in the meantime, it's hellish, esp. in public. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:20 PM Flag
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when she is in a good mood, have you tried discussing it. also acting it out with dolls is helpful (in a lighthearted silly way). this a good way to in her head, to see how she processes that stuff. and again, it's good to just chat about it when she's not pissed off! ;) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:28 PM Flag
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also i'd say, err on being super firm in the moment. when she's not in a fit, and you have that converation about why it's important to listen to mommy and when you say something, she's got to listen right away, you can also remind her that you alwasy love her, even when you need to have the "mean face" or whatever little catch phrase you want to use. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:32 PM Flag
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hijack: I saw the most disturbing tantrum by a girl who must have been 7 or 8 in a candy shop the other day. It was unbelievable. After the girl and her mother left, even the owner said it was the worst he'd ever seen, and I figure someone who owns a candy shop has seen everything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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I'm not much of a "time out" person and tend to have more success with quiet menacing followed by whimsical distraction. Some experts recommend imitating the child, which is supposed to confuse him or her into stopping. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.08, 12:58 AM Flag
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