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06.04.08, 10:46 AM General Topics
52 replies
I posted a few weeks ago about my 16 year old son getting his 16 year old girlfriend pregnant and her parents threw her our since she had sex and was pregnant and they were freaking out about everything. Here's an update: the girlfriend is still living with us and is still debating her options (she has a little more time)...she is unsure between all the options and goes back and forth everyday. Her parents have had some dialouge with her but are still upset. My son has been great to her....he's been a rock for her, even though privately he is on an emotional rollarcoaster. Any questions or comments? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 10:46 AM Flag
 

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have you spoken with her parents ? what do you want them to do ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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I would like them to be a part of her in this time period. I mean they are freaking out that their daughter had sex and calling her immoral and a slut. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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no, not what do you want the parents to do. What do you want your son and his girlfriend to do ?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:50 AM Flag
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I would prefer abortion because I think it will be the best overall but I have said I will support them in whatever they decide. DH and I have talked it over and we have said we'll support this baby if they want to keep it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:51 AM Flag
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is the girl hesitant about abortion for religious reasons or just that she is struggling with the idea because it is a hard coice ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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a little of both to be honest, mainly right now its because of it being a hard choice and she likes the idea of being able to help a couple out that can't have children of their own [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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I have to say this is very bighearted and kind of her. I know so many good people who can't have kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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I explained it to her and she found out more information and found this to be an option that appealed to her. This is also what appeals to my son the most about adoption. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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it is a kind choice, but i don't know if i could do it... i also think you're pretty awesome to allow them the space to decide... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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Thank you. I just want to make sure they don't get rushed into anything and they are happy in the end. I don't want either them in 10 years to come back adn tell me I forced them into something [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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it still must be pretty heartbreaking to watch you ds have to make a decision this big. good luck to you... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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It is....it really is. Most days I have a good cry in the morning when I am alone in the house. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:01 AM Flag
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i can imagine... i have 2 ds and i would be devastated for them... the pressure must be pretty great on all of oyu [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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Thank you. I am trying to make life as normal as possible, especially for my other kids. Family activities. And at dinner we cannot talk abotu this subject. And I have sent my son and his girlfriend out on a few dates since then, mainly to help relax them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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what does you DH say ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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He is leaning adoption, but was for abortion early on. There was a 2 day period where he was all for keeping the baby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:09 AM Flag
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it must be constantly on your mind... what if this or that... sometimes it just helps me to tell myself that time is passing and soon all that is going to happen will happen and everything passes... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 12:58 PM Flag
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Yes it is on my mind like that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:03 PM Flag
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and this too shall pass... what more can you do than you're already doing ? nothing... you're doing it all... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:05 PM Flag
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thank you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:05 PM Flag
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now it's almost 5:00 so have yourself a cocktail ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:06 PM Flag
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Thanks! I am just hoping we can come to a decision soon. But I am not going to rush anyone [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:08 PM Flag
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it will come as it always does. this one is just coming with more trauma and drama and bigger stakes, but it will come if you worry a ton or worry less... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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Is adoption an option for her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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She is seriously considering adoption....she keeps going back and forth between adoption, abortion and keeping the baby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:48 AM Flag
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my gf's just adopted a baby from two hs kids and it was the greatest gift they could have ever rec'd. They are amazing parents -- and could never have children on their own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:50 AM Flag
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Thanks! I have told her stories like this and got information on open adoption, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:51 AM Flag
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the girl who gave up her baby let my friends in the delivery room, and her mom was in there too. She chose to never see him (I don't blame her) and they placed him in their arms immediately. Another gf who lost a baby at full term last year after IVF just adopted a set of twins last week. They are OVER THE MOON - so happy. It truly is a great gift. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:53 AM Flag
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what do you want her to do? What does your son want her to do? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:51 AM Flag
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I would prefer abortion....my son is leaning towards adoption right now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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do her friends know ? do his ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:53 AM Flag
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Her closer friends know and so do his. They mainly found out after she moved in with us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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do think this is affecting her decision ? She may be "holding out" from the abortion so as not to be judged by them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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That's possible. I am not sure. I have not talked to her that much about what her friends have said. My son said his friends freaked out when they found out. Mainly since I think none of them saw sex as causing pregnancy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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scary and totally teen to not believe that sex makes babies... i wonder about the girlfriends though. there is such a stigma attached to abortion (i am pro choice) and i wonder if the decision would seem more clear-cut without input from others or if the others are totally allowing her to come to the answer on her own... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:01 AM Flag
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I am going to talk to her about it tonight. I will say my son's friends have been a good support system for him, I know he talks to them a lot as a way to vent to someone who is not his girlfriend and not his parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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I will try to say this gently since you sound like a great person - try very hard not to push them towards abortion. If it is truly what she wants, it will probably be ok. I was pushed into one by my boyfriend years ago and had an incredicbly hard time dealing with the regrets. I would hate for someone else to go through that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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i am trying not to push them because I want them to do what feels right so there is no lingering issues for them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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good for you. I hope they make a decision that works out to be the best for eveyrone concerned :-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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As an adopted baby (from a very similar situation), I can say that giving me up for adoption was the best gift my birth mother could ever give. My parents (adopted) are amazing and always told me that "She loved you so much that she wanted the best life for you." Ask your son/his gf what is the "best life" for the baby? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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I have asked them that and made sure they had the best information they can to make the decision. I have researched all the pros and cons for them. Both like the open adoption concept so they can have contact in some form later oin. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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You may want to contact a social worker who specializes in adoption to get more information. Ask them to try imagine life in 1 year, 3 years, 5 years (with and without a child). Ask them separately, but get them to really think of what it will be like. It also sounds like you will need to think about your life like that because given their age, you will have a lot more responsibility than a traditional grandma... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:01 AM Flag
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I have already talked to 2 social workers about this and got a lot of information. I have had them think about it and I have thought a lot about it myself. I know it will be liked raising another child myself and am prepared for it and so is DH. I have also had them talk to two teen parents and have made them comprehensive pro and con charts for every option. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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I hope you keep your son away from her at night! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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she is pg already, what's the point? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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OP: There is a shortage of beds in my house, so I am letting them share the bed in my son's room. And yes she's pregnant so what could they do! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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Keep on updating us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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x [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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I'm sorry to hear this and I hope that your son and his girlfriend make the best decision for what is best for them and everyone involved. I can only imagine how hard this is on your whole family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.08, 07:45 PM Flag
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Are you crazy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.08, 07:47 PM Flag
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I hope this isn't terribly insensitive at this difficult time for you, but if your son and his girlfriend decide to go the adoption route, I know a very loving family who is looking to grow their family through adoption, and would very, very much be interested in learning more. I'm watching this post to see how their decision process is going. I hope you'll keep us informed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.08, 07:50 PM Flag
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How is everything going? I hope that you and your family are okay. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.15.08, 11:02 PM Flag
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