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06.03.08, 20:20 PM New York City
21 replies
man i am seeing is very hot and cold depending on how work is going. is this normal? he seems very overwhelmed right now work wise and sometimes he is totally tuned into me, but when work is nuts he goes into some special world of his. normal? does your DH do this? how do i handle it? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
New York City 06.03.08, 08:20 PM Flag
 

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This is not a good sign, I would handle it by ending things. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:21 PM Flag
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I second that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:22 PM Flag
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interesting. why? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:22 PM Flag
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np: i am surprised this is your response. I think this is how my DH is to a point. He has meetings and is stressed but when they are over he is calm and fun. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:22 PM Flag
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I don't think she means it this way. But she can correct me if I'm wrong. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:23 PM Flag
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this is OP. not sure if its normal like that poster described, or not normal as you are describing. how can i tell? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:24 PM Flag
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Does he disappear for long periods of time? Is everything really on his terms, on his schedule? Is he there for you when you need him, even if he is busy at work? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:26 PM Flag
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he never disappears. not sure what you mean by that but i speak to him every night before we both go to sleep.... a lot of things are on his terms and his schedule, but if i ask for things from him, he tries to come through and usually does. he is there for me when i need him and seems to do things for me if i am having a hard time, not well, etc. but in general yes, they are on his terms...ashamed to say it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:28 PM Flag
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I'd read the OR below, sounds like she's married to the type of guy I'm telling you to dump. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:29 PM Flag
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i just responded. the main difference is he doesn't want me to sympathize with him or coddle him. i think he wants to be left alone completely when he is stressed. something i find a little weird and cold. he doesnt say it, but makes it quite clear. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:30 PM Flag
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It's so hard to see inside your relationship from here. If I was using the words you were using, I don't think this would be the guy for me. But words mean different things to different people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:39 PM Flag
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She said "very hot & cold". Not a good sign. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:25 PM Flag
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what does hot & cold mean? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:25 PM Flag
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np: really?? i think most men with relatively demanding jobs are like this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:26 PM Flag
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ita! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:29 PM Flag
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yes....but also while in his own little world, he wants sympathy from me and gets more angry when I'm too exhausted to give it. When we were just dating and recently married it was OK though because I had extra time to devote to coddling him. But now, 3 kids later, I'm completely burned out and need a 2nd grown up in the house, not a 4th 6 ft tall child [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:27 PM Flag
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the thing is, my bf doesn't want me to coddle or sympathize with him. he wants to shut down and go into his own cave-ish world and not deal with anything us related while this is going on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:29 PM Flag
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does he work long hours? I guess my dh was like this when he first started...he did sort of retreat....or he'd just mumble to himself and snap at me if I said "what?" thinking he was talking to me. This was when he was an analyst working 18 hours a day. So he was stressed and tired. As he moved up in the banking world, I guess he wasn't as tired (But still stressed) so then he had more time to be home and want me pamper him (which by then we had the kids so I didn't have much to give) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:34 PM Flag
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probably very focused on work. some people are like that. as long as you can deal with it it is fine. he wont change. you just have to decide if you can handle it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:30 PM Flag
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i guess i could handle it if i knew for sure it was work and had nothing to do with me. for example, if it wasn't that he just wasn't "that" into me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:31 PM Flag
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if you can stick it out, time will tell... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:35 PM Flag
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