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06.03.08, 08:20 AM General Topics
21 replies
how important is it to decide before hand who will be at the hospital when we give birth and who will visit when? i have friends that decide this very early on. am i naive to think it will all just fal into place? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 08:20 AM Flag
 

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I've never heard of scheduling visitors ahead of time... But as far as who you want in the room during labor & delivery you can decide that whenever you want as long as the people you want there don't have travel to consider. And if you thought you wanted a bunch of people and then change your mind during labor, that's your right. You have to do whatever you're comfortable with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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It's more of an issue than you think. With #1 I was adamant about it being just DH and me, and it was a huge issue with my pushy, psycho mother. From what I understood from the hospital staff, it causes friction quite often because family members get insulted when one person is allowed and others aren't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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I just want it to be DH and myself in the room with me. My IL's are itching to buy their plane tickets but i just want them to either hop on a plane when i go into labor or schedule for 10 days after my due date just to be safe. My parents will hop on a plane the second i call. the IL's are a bit more anal about using miles (among other things) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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then tell them to buy their tickets for 2 weeks after your due date. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:28 AM Flag
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np. My family are overseas and I told them to book for 2weeks post due date. As it was baby was 3weeks early but it was good to have the time with just dh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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It just works out. Bring a cell phone with all your numbers in it and a charger. If you want you can set up an email group so DH can send out a mass email - then people phone you. During labor you decide when to call the grandparents. You are really tired. I personally encouraged my friends to come to my house afterwards - they all had babies first and I was nervous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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I did not want anyone there other than grandparents. For the 1st 2 weeks, we really wanted to nest alone [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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Ditto. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:26 AM Flag
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I knew I didn't want anyone even dh to be there when our dc's were born and I also didn't want family to visit for a few days after either. When people asked/offered to come I knew what to say to them. If you don't mind who is there then you can wait and see but don't get forced into having anyone there that you don't want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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thats what i am affraid of. the IL's feelings get hurt very easily and they keep score and she is already stressing me out about when she can come. i do not want anyone here before i go into labor. watching me waiting for my water to break! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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Then make it clear that they will be welcome after the baby is born. Just say that you are looking forward to spending your last time alone with dh before the arrival of the baby. Stick to your guns on this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:33 AM Flag
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I agree. This time is about YOU, your baby, and your new family. Despite what grandparents think, it is not about them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:12 AM Flag
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Was your DH not there? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:11 AM Flag
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it depends a bit on how many schedules have to be juggled. withus, our familes are out of town and people have jobs, so we needed to have at least a vague idea of who was coming when so they coudl set up flights, get coverage at work, etc. as for L&D? be very very clear to everyone that it is up to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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np: but really, this is impossible to plan perfectly. The best you can do is tell people to come a week or two after your due date. If what they want is to be there when you deliver, everyone has got to be flexible. Personally, I said anyone who wants to is welcome to come and stay in a hotel and visit at the hospital, but no one will be in the delivery room but DH, and no one will stay at our place w/us for the first 2 weeks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:48 AM Flag
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You can plan all you want - my husband and I didn't want anyone in there with us, but my mother AND his were both there at go time. I didn't care who was there or what they saw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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For me, I only wanted dh there- did not want inlaws or parents to see my private parts. It was a very intimate moment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:28 AM Flag
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No way would I have allowed my mother or my MIL in the room-- I was delirious with pain, but not so delirious that I would have let that happen. OP: if you care about this, put your foot down in advance. No one has the right to insinuate themselves into your delivery if you don't want them there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:53 AM Flag
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I guess it depends on your particular situation. I wanted no one in hte delivery but DH and I knew my mother would be upset about that so I talked to her about it early so she would be prepared and not try to kill the nurse who was assigned the miserable job of keeping her out. My in laws wouldn't have asked to come to the birth. As for visiting I never gave it any advanced thought. Poeple would call, ask if they could come over and that was it. My parents and DH;s parents were there a lot. My mother even stayed with me one night in the hospital so DH could go home and get sleep. But visiting was also a little easier becuase I had a big private room --I got lucky with that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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did you pre-arrange that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:07 AM Flag
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my hospital only allowed one person in delivery - i cant imagine having a whole crowd in there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:09 AM Flag
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