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06.03.08, 07:59 AM New York City
37 replies
Never thought I would say this but am seriously considering firing our nanny. And the bad news is I am very much to blame. In the past, when we had more $$, I would secretly give her extra cash to help her out. Over time she has become more entitled about it, arranging loans up to $5k with DH, and dropping hints to me that she needs more money. We are paying her what we can afford, and I work on wall St. and could lose my job any day. I've gotten comments from other moms that she is not as interactive with DS as he needs ( I am FT WOHM but other moms have told me), and recently she has demanded time immediate off without giving us adequate advance notice - for events I think she could have worked out better. I feel like we have bent over backwards for her to help her get her green card, but it's never enough. I think it's time to move on. Am I overreacting?? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
New York City 06.03.08, 07:59 AM Flag
 

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Also (sorry to vent so much) - she is not doing the housework we agreed she would do. It's very passive-aggressive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:00 AM Flag
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You have lost faith in her and the other mom's comments would make it a no brainer for me. Time to let her go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:02 AM Flag
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I think $11 or $12 an hour [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:03 AM Flag
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She was good with DS as a baby but now ...I feel like she is just taking a back seat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:03 AM Flag
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yes but you really need to consider ds and how that would effect him. Also if you are thinking you might lose your job [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:04 AM Flag
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He loved the temporary nanny we brought in - younger, more energetic - but she is not available F/T [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:09 AM Flag
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oh please. db will be fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:26 AM Flag
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How much do you pay her? Hours? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:02 AM Flag
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why are you blaming yourself? she's taking advantage of you, get someone else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:02 AM Flag
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God I did the same thing (just not to the same extent). Bowing and scraping because of "liberal guilt". She started taking advantage. I was so uncomfortable with it all and felt worse about feeling uncomfortable. Glad she is gone now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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How did you handle it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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She was only part-time. I told her I didn't need her anymore because my mother was going to work for us. I found someone else, a student. You really have to set your foot down (nicely). Lay it all out. "Economy is tough now. Gas is expensive. Issues at work. Can't throw money around like before. So we can't loan money out anymore, etc, and I won't be giving you extra. I hope you understand." If she doesn't like it, she will leave. If you are afraid that she will mistreat your ds as a result, then you really need to get rid of her. She will respect you for standing tall. It is also a bit condescending to act guilty for being much better off than her and that is, perhaps, why she is taking advantage gladly. If you set firm boundaries and don't treat her like a cherished relative, then it just feels like a job (which everyone has). I learned this the hard way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:51 AM Flag
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i don't know how fair that is of you. if you allow certain behavior, you can't then punish someone for doing it. (it's like letting dc take a toy to the park and then yelling at her when it gets lost.). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:17 AM Flag
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True, but I could tell her I cannot give her more money now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:19 AM Flag
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yes, and you should. make your new rules clear. if she doesn't step up, then i'd consider firing her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:21 AM Flag
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np: i think if you want to be fair you sit her down adn have a talk. that you letthigns slip but they have to change back and also that you areconcerned about her job performance. odds are nothing wil cahnge and you'll fire her anyway, but at least this way you are fair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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I disagree. Once things start to go south with a nanny, they rarely imrpove. and the whole loaning of mone thing is weird. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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that may be true. but i think to be a fair employer, especially when the problesm are in part of your own making, you need to give her a chance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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When it comes to the care of your children, I don't think being fair to the nanny is the #1 priority. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:32 AM Flag
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op probably can't find a new nanny immedaitly, adn this nanny isn't dangerous. so give her a week to get it together and start looking for a new one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:35 AM Flag
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It's actually very easy to find a nanny. BTDT, and there are lots of great nannies looking for work right now. OP, check out www.enannysource.com or www.nannies4hire.com. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:36 AM Flag
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Honestly - the chores thing has been reviewed time and again - I do feel taken advantage of. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:33 AM Flag
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And I disagree. It is my money, to spend as I choose. She does not get because she wants. She gets if I choose to give. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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yes, but if your expecations are not clear it's not really fair to fire someone over it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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it sounds like nanny is not doing a good job with db. case closed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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if your employee is not performing well, you review your expectations with him/her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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Her nanny is, presumably, an adult, not a child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:55 AM Flag
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don't feel bad. it's simple -- she's not doing her job properly, so it's fine to let her go... next time, make sure you don't slip the next nanny money or have DH loan her money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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has she paid back the loan yet?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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Some of it, not all, and will be a long time coming till she does, and she's told me she has other people ahead of us she must pay off first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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that's pretty lame. no severance for her then. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:26 AM Flag
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I agree. Loan forgiveness in lieu of severance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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Right. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:32 AM Flag
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Forgetting the money issues, if people are telling you she is not giving your child what he needs, it's time for a new nanny. Period. It is not easy to tell a mother that there is a problem with her nanny. If someone (and it sounds like more than one person) actually tells you there is a problem with your nanny, you owe it to your child to fix the problem ASAP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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trust your gut. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:31 AM Flag
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