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06.03.08, 07:04 AM General Topics
21 replies
two of my good friends had babies recently. i recently had a miscarriage. as far as i know, neither one knew i was expecting. I'm very happy for them. but here's what's bothering me. i usually would offer to make supper for them. but i sort of resent having their babies intrude into my home which has become an oasis for me. does that make sense to anyone else? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:04 AM Flag
 

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No [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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Why don't you just bring them dinner? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:05 AM Flag
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it's hard for me to explain. i'm having a pretty hard time since my miscarriage. a lot of up and downs but i'm handling it. i can go and smile and be happy for them. but somehow, making dinner for them in my own home feels intrusive. it's like it's not enough that i have to smile and say "congrats", it's making it be much more personal. so hard for me to explain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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Then don't make dinner -- pick something up and bring it over. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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why does her expression of congratulations have to include food? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:23 AM Flag
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op: that's just what we usually end up doing for each other. it didn't even occur to me to buy a baby gift in lieu of sending over dinner. now that you pointed it out, that is such a simple solution. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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just say you were overwhelmed with other stuff and figured they'd get enough food from everyone else (if you think they'll notice) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:45 AM Flag
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they'd never say anything. i think my issue is more that i think it's something i should do but i'm resenting doing it. and i'm not sure if i should do it anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:52 AM Flag
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I think you pretty much know this is it. Since you're aware of what's bothering you why not pick up dinner and a baby gift. Drop them both off have a quick visit and you're done. I find sometimes conquering some of this stuff myself helps me gain perspective. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:56 AM Flag
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thank you. good advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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yes. if you are comfortable with it, perhaps make them something and bring it over to their house and drop it off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:05 AM Flag
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why do you feel obligated to make food for them? do you suspect they expect you to? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:20 AM Flag
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that's usually what the people in my neighborhood do. usually people on the block plus other friends send over meals for a week or two. i think they'd be surprised if i didn't send it. and in theory, i want to send it. i'm just surprised at how it's turning out that i really don't want to. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:24 AM Flag
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It's good that you're respecting your feelings. Can you make (or buy, if that's easier) something for them and just drop it off with a "I'm sure you've got a ton of visitors; I'll come back next month to meet the baby properly"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:35 AM Flag
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yes, i could probably do that. or, as someone else suggested, maybe i'll just buy a baby gift. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:42 AM Flag
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^^^and thanks for your post. i think that's a nice point about respecting my feelings. i never know if i should push myself to do what i would've done otherwise or if i should do what i feel like doing (or not doing) right now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:47 AM Flag
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no, it doesn't make sense to me. just don't bring them dinner if you are going to be bitter about it, which it sounds like you are. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:52 AM Flag
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i guess i'm just surprised by my own emotions. i thought i was fine but apparently i'm not so fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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that's uncalled for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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I feel for you. However, it is not fair to do something they did not ASK you to do or expect from you and then RESENT them for it. If you are not down with helping out this way then DON'T...and don't feel bad about it. You need not play martyr here...just do what you are comfortable with [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 08:12 AM Flag
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thank you. i really just wanted to talk it over with someone who could understand where i'm coming from. i thought i was fine. i went to the bris and it was fine. so i was taken aback at how much i don't want to do this. then i feel selfish. and also, the fact that they don't know i miscarried means they won't even think that i was having a hard time and that's why i didn't do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.03.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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