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01.29.14, 14:49 PM General Topics
431 replies
HELP! I am in shock! This morning I found condoms in my fiance's travel bag. The thing about these condoms: they are only made in Germany. German condoms sold in German pharmacies. He went on a trip to Germany last spring. We are in NYC. I'm almost certain this brand of condoms is not sold in the US, so he must have bought them there. I have never suspected anything before, but I don't know how I can explain this away :( In such shock. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 01.29.14, 02:49 PM Flag
 

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I'm assuming you were very much together when this Germany trip happened? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:50 PM Flag
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Yes, we've been together for 6 years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:03 PM Flag
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Well, where do you want this to go? Do you want the truth? I'd call and tell him to come home, that there was something we need to talk about and hand them to him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:07 PM Flag
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Ha, I wish I could. He's travelling right now for work, but he will be back tomorrow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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Oh no, where is he traveling to? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:30 PM Flag
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He will know she found them the minute she makes that call. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:30 PM Flag
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I think the fact that he STILL has the condoms a year later is a GOOD SIGN! right? means he hasn't been using them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:53 PM Flag
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It's actually a terrible sign. It means that he cheated AND he's dumb. A dumb cheater isn't anyone's idea of a good time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 07:12 AM Flag
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op-yup-married one.nightmare 15+ yrs [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 01:12 PM Flag
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OP: Wow, you have been married to a liar and cheater for 15 years? I'm assuming you didn't know before marrying. How do you cope? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 09:54 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.31.14, 02:20 AM Flag
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Did you google the brand & see if you can buy then anywhere else? Not that it would matter, just recon I guess :( sorry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:51 PM Flag
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I've been googling the brand all morning, they are exclusively German condoms :( My stomach is going to come out of my mouth. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:03 PM Flag
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I'm sorry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:16 PM Flag
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How many are missing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:51 PM Flag
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Lol, they aren't even in the box. They are loose. There are three of them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:04 PM Flag
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Sometimes I've seen condoms in the mini-bars of boutique hotels in Europe. Seriously. Maybe he wanted to bring them back like a souvenir? Just saying if he was cheating, don't think he'd bring the evidence home with him! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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The brand was "preventivo", and google tells me that they are the generic brand for the German pharmacy "Rossman". Are those condoms ever given out in places? He stayed in a hostel, not a hotel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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LOL. A hostel? Yeah I bet they are. How old is your fiance and what was he doing staying in a youth hostel? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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np Hostels in Europe are not just youth hostels. We have 4-star hostels with pools & 3-d cinemas, as well as elder hostels, women-only hostels, and business-traveller hostels, which cater to each groups needs/wants. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:56 PM Flag
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I would not marry someone who stays in hostels. Sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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Why not? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:10 PM Flag
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Stupid [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:40 PM Flag
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+1000000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 03:21 AM Flag
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I wouldn't either. It's immature. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 07:13 AM Flag
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np. Eyeroll. Euro, sit down. Not the point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 09:33 PM Flag
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Kind of exactly the point. OP said he stayed in a hostel; NP implied only kids stay in a "youth hostel". But we have no idea what kind of hostel he stayed in or who the target traveller group is for that hostel. NP clearly has a misguided idea about what a hostel is and what kinds of people might stay in one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 02:38 PM Flag
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Elder hostels....lmao. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 10:10 PM Flag
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(Elder hostels are the best - I can't wait to be old enough to stay in one. All kinds of free activities & day trips, and one big long low-key party, because nobody is worried about getting back to work or what the kids are up to while they're away.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 02:40 PM Flag
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Any German sex hostels? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 03:26 AM Flag
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Didn't preventivo you from finding them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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Could he have gotten them from a German prostitute? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:02 PM Flag
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OMG I'm going to die. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:04 PM Flag
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PURE SPECULATION [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:32 PM Flag
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A gay German prostie? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:32 PM Flag
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What if he is gay? That is a whole new twist. Man-cations could be a sign. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 07:38 PM Flag
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did he travel alone? with a colleague? Do you use condoms together? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:39 PM Flag
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He travelled with three guy friends. Guy trip; they did four European cities, Berlin was the first stop. We don't really use condoms together. Rarely. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:05 PM Flag
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Who are these guy friends? Are they sketch? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:37 PM Flag
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I've known some of his friends for a while; I don't know these guys that well. I do know that they are single. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 09:42 PM Flag
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OP again: do you think it's possible that one of his guy friends bought the condoms and gave him some, just as a guy thing, like "hey man, have some condoms". I can't imagine the thought that he actively went to the pharmacy and bought the condoms himself. OMG I'm dying. Do men share condoms with each other? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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i think this looks bad.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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This is what dh told me when I found condoms in his bag :( did not believe him [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:16 PM Flag
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He told you that a friend gave them to him? What did you do? Was it clear that he bought them when you two were in separate places (like during a trip)? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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This is like I am just holding these cigarettes or pot for my friend but I don't use them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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Haha. I used to hold the cigarettes of a friend who was a social smoker. We'd go out, she'd have a couple of cigarettes and then hand me the rest of the pack. I had a duffle bag full of partially used cigarettes. And, no, I never touched them. When I moved overseas, I finally had to trash them. Guys aren't handing out condoms to their buds, though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:44 PM Flag
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Here, take these condoms before I use them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:38 PM Flag
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This was when we were first dating. We got in a huge fight, he said they weren't his and he was sharing a room with his friends and not sure who's they were. I still remind him that I know he's a liar and he can fess up at any time... (Joking, this was 12 years ago) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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It doesn't sound like you're joking much?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 09:35 PM Flag
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It's lighthearted, not bitter [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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No. I'm so sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:07 PM Flag
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So he definitely cheated or had the intention of cheating? How could he hide this side of himself for so long???????? Why didn't I see anything before? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:24 PM Flag
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I can't answer that, sorry. :( [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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No. Stop deluding yourself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:39 PM Flag
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guys do not say that to each other. I am sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 11:55 PM Flag
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They probably bought a box and split them. It's possibly he just went along to be nice, and never used them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 01:29 AM Flag
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Do you guys use condoms together or never? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:40 PM Flag
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We use condoms rarely. But he bought these condoms while abroad! And has never brought them out to use with me. I don't know what to think. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:05 PM Flag
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Rarely? What does that mean. Like when you butt sex? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:55 PM Flag
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How old are you both? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:54 PM Flag
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27 (me) and 29 (him). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:06 PM Flag
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Are you really under the impression that a 29yo is really going to be entirely monogamous for the next fifty years? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:07 PM Flag
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Not only that, but we've been together since he was 23. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 09:42 PM Flag
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Youve been together since 21 & 23? Sorry, but of course he cheated in Germany. How long have you been engaged? You both sound too young to get married. Him because he still wants to sow his oats, and you because you can't seem to communicate your concerns with him and youve been with the same guy for 6yrs, who still takes guy trips to Europe (which guys in their 20s are welcome to do). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:21 PM Flag
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Maybe you're right about the age. But we've pretty much "grown up" together; we've been together for so long that, at this point, it's a huge percentage of our lives! We have begun talking about the future as a married couple as an inevitability, but no actual ring yet. I was trying to be concise in my introduction, but apparently I've explained it all out anyway! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 09:58 PM Flag
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leave them out somewhere, see if he freaks out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:40 PM Flag
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I'd take them and be very quiet [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:55 PM Flag
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He's forgotten them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:09 PM Flag
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I would not do that - gives him time to create alibi [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:49 PM Flag
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OP of the DW whose DH suddenly wants to use condoms here. Don't have much to add, but I'm with you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:55 PM Flag
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I wouldn't take sudden condom use too seriously. Two years after 2nd DD was born, DH wanted to go on condoms, and eventually I got out of him that he was nervous I would unilaterally decide on a third baby and "pull the goalie" without telling him. Then a couple of years ago he started using them again, because he was "finishing" too quickly. Communication is key! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:46 PM Flag
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OR: That's a relief. Did he just want to start using them out of the blue? DH knows I'm on BC, so that worried me, but he is 19 years older than I am, has 3 kids from his first marriage, and doesn't want any more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:09 PM Flag
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Pretty much. He came home with condoms one day, saying, "Check these out, polyurethane condoms, they're supposed to feel almost like nothing at all, I thought we could try them and see" and I was all, "Um, if we're already at nothing at all, why use something that is 'almost like' nothing at all?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:01 PM Flag
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Yes, but why go on German condoms? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:56 PM Flag
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Thanks for the solidarity! How are you coping? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:06 PM Flag
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Oddly calm, but I haven't gotten to the bottom of it yet. I asked about them immediately, he said he's too old to have another baby, and I let it go for the time being so I could figure out what to do/say, but that's not going to be the end of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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I buy our condoms online, so I get all kinds of condoms from different countries. Did he pick them up in Germany for you, and then forget? Or are there condoms missing from the box that you know you didn't use? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:44 PM Flag
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They are loose condoms, they look like they were shoved at the bottom of his travel bag in a rush. The wrappers are wrinkled, and they were at the bottom of a pocket. The trip to Germany was last spring. He hasn't showed them to me or proposed that we use them together. We don't even use condoms often at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:54 PM Flag
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And did you ask him why he has them? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:58 PM Flag
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So, I have to ask, what were you doing digging around in the bottom of his travel bag? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:29 PM Flag
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Stop it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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We are planning on taking a trip this weekend, I was thinking of borrowing that bag for clothes, etc. (I've borrowed bags from him before). I caught a glimpse of the condom wrapper when I opened the bag, and wanted to verify that no, I was crazy, there can't possibly be condoms in here. But, lo and behold, they were condoms, German condoms no less! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:05 PM Flag
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Snoop! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:51 PM Flag
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Not a snoop [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 10:46 PM Flag
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He's your fiance, not your DH. Were you engaged when he traveled to Germany? Frankly I'd confront him and ask BEFORE you marry him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:44 PM Flag
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This. If you weren't engaged, he was still free to have his last flings. But this is one of those time when you talk about it NOW. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:50 PM Flag
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Absolutely false. Monogamy is a choice two people make, has nothing to do with a ring or a marriage certificate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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Unless the couple in question have explicitly promised to be monogamous, there is nothing in an engagement that obligates anyone to monogamy. It's only a promise to get married at a future date, not a promise to live as if married today. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:06 PM Flag
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Well that's up to OP to let us know... most people discuss monogamy first then engagement then marriage... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:24 PM Flag
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We are completely understood to be monogamous. I'm so surprised that anyone would think that monogamy starts at marriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:06 PM Flag
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"Understood" - did you actually have the conversation and explicitly agree, or are you just assuming he feels the same way about engagement? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:52 PM Flag
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Who is this idiot trying to lawyer a relationship? "Oh..... You mean you didn't want me to stick my penis in other girls?!? You should have SAID that!" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:39 PM Flag
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Lol. Seriously [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 12:52 AM Flag
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Np This entire thread just blew my mind. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 04:45 AM Flag
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What planet are you on [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 12:53 AM Flag
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He was NOT free to have a fling! You guys are absolutely insane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:32 PM Flag
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This. JFC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 04:45 AM Flag
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Wtf? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 12:48 AM Flag
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Sorry, I'm not sure I understand. What difference do you want to draw here between fiance and DH? Ultimately, he bought condoms while on a trip abroad :( Why???? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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Really? You don't see the difference between DH and fiance? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 02:59 PM Flag
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+1 I see definite distinctions between dating, engaged, and married. There is an expectation of a certain level of exclusivity when engaged, but until you stand up and "forswear all others", there is still room for re-thinking & sowing the last of the wild oats. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:04 PM Flag
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really? so it would be ok for me to cheat on my boyfriend? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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Also BIG difference between married and married-with-children IMO. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:09 PM Flag
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This is INSANE. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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+1. Married is married. Committed is committed. Sounds like you are trying to make yourself feel better about something? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:26 PM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 09:37 PM Flag
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A certain level of exclusivity? So you all let your boyfriends and fiances cheat? This is crazy! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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OP: I know, I don't understand these responses. These ladies who are like "well, it's ONLY your fiance" are blowing my mind! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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Ita. Ignore them... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:09 PM Flag
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+1million [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:51 PM Flag
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These are women who discovered similar things but desperately wanted to be married so they looked the other way. Sorry OP, but if he did cheat, this is a huge red flag. You're still young, don't allow this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:27 PM Flag
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This. I can see their DH's convincing them they would never cheat if they were MARRIED. "There's a big difference honey!" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 08:09 PM Flag
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What??? That was my whole point; I certainly have the expectation of monogamy, whether we were engaged or married. He certainly has the same expectation, he doesn't even like me to go out and meet guys that he doesn't know! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:27 PM Flag
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No-- If he is doing this as a fiancé he will do it as a DH. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:58 PM Flag
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THIS. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:28 PM Flag
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Absolutely. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 04:46 AM Flag
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Do you know how long they have been there? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:00 PM Flag
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I actually wrote to someone above that the trip was last spring, but I made a mistake; it was in August. Anyway, assuming he bought them in Germany they have been there for MONTHS and I have not seen them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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He was enjoying his last hurrah as a single man. At least he used protection. Are you sure you want to marry him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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Ugh but some skank in Germany who gives it up to an American businessman? He could still catch something like hpv or herpes with condoms. And if he went down on her? bastard. Np. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:31 PM Flag
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i have hpv and it sucks and is scary. he may have given it to you and you won't know for years and years. like what happened to me! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:32 PM Flag
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And from oral sex people are getting HPV which can lead to throat cancer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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You can get HPV even when wearing a condom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:42 PM Flag
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How is that any different from going on a date with anyone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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Sounds like a one night stand unless he started dating someone as soon as he got to Germany. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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STDs don't just come from one night stands [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:26 PM Flag
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Yeah they do, are you nuts? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:42 PM Flag
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???? I think you have reading comprehension problems. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:35 PM Flag
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He was only in Germany for a few nights; he and his friends did a tour of Europe. The thing is, he's always told me that he is not a one night stand kind of guy. He had some casual sex before me, but he's always told me that it was an ongoing-thing, that he would have casual relationships with the same girl continuously. Anyway, this is all very confusing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:57 PM Flag
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sorry, but it's not confusing at all, you just don't want to face it. he cheated and it begs the question whether it has happened other times, including in the states. you need to actually talk to your fiance though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:34 PM Flag
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LOL @ calling her a skank. Who's the skank here? Clue: the "American businessman." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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I was thinking what the German would be thinking! Not what I call this guy! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:36 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:53 PM Flag
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THIS x100000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:52 PM Flag
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If something happened with those condoms, not at all!!! Actually, even if he went out and bought them just to keep his options open, then also not at all. That is the opposite of the understanding we have in our relationship. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:09 PM Flag
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You need to work on your self esteem if you think this is okay. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:15 PM Flag
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But condoms won't protect from passing HPV...which he could still have passed on to you. Get a yearly pap smear...not every three years per the new recommendaitons. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.15.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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You need to figure this out before you get married. Talk to him and get the story. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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Has his behavior changed? Or was he different last summer? This is definitely odd. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:09 PM Flag
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I'm trying really hard to think back to the summer, but it was so long ago and I had no idea he had been carrying condoms across Europe! Ugh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:59 PM Flag
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Could he have gotten them free somewhere, anyone who has been to Germany, do they have free condoms in the hotel so he just took them like soap or tea bags?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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Not IME. Maybe a free handout at the Sex und Kink Konvention, but not at a hotel. ;) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:26 PM Flag
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Darn it. Listen to that, op, in case he tries to say they were giving them out everywhere! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:32 PM Flag
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Google tells me that the brand is the generic condom brand at the German equivalent of Duane Reade or CVS. If they were giving them out somewhere, wouldn't it still be bad that he took some and put them in his bag? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:31 PM Flag
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Yes. I'm just trying to help you be prepared for some elaborate lie. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:48 PM Flag
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Think about it. Some fancy boutique hotel is not handing out the equivalent of CVS condoms (Rossmann?) to its distinguished guests. It just ain't happening! He went to the pharmacy to buy them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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Yup! They are from Rossman, brand: preventivo. I've never been to Germany. Is this brand given out for free in places? I know he was going to parties/clubs, maybe they were giving them out in a club? He said in a hostel with three male friends (all single guys). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:47 PM Flag
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UGH. This guy is NOT ready to get married! He's staying in a hostel? Yeah, maybe that might explain it, but you have no idea whether he used any or not. I would seriously question whether a man who is still doing the hostel thing with his single buddies is ready for marriage. GL! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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Do you think that's a sign of not being ready? I don't know, we are still young, so I always thought it was fine for him to travel and have guys nights out. I always trusted him, and thought he was just enjoying youth/life. Now I'm seriously wondering if there's been another side to all this... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:08 PM Flag
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It's really immature behavior. When I first starting reading this post (before all of the facts were filled in), I assumed he was a mature man staying in a hotel on business. Now it turns out he went to Germany with single friends and stayed at youth hostels where he picked up condoms or went to a drug store to buy them. No way is this guy ready to get married. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:39 PM Flag
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At the end of the end, he is still young and acting like a young guy, no? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 10:01 PM Flag
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This. I went to a comedy show with some friends in NYC last year and as part of the routine, they handed out condoms. I threw them in my purse and subsequently forgot about them for months, until I was searching for a pen. I'd hope DH wouldn't have assumed I was cheating if he had found them! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 02:51 AM Flag
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He brought home a fun souvenir? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:27 PM Flag
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That would have been pretty cool, but he hasn't ever showed them to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:53 PM Flag
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HE CHEATED! Confront him and move on or accept that he will do this whenever he is away from home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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Have some empathy. She just discovered this and is in shock. She needs support not a move on speech. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:48 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 01:10 AM Flag
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ITD. She's asking, OR is telling it like it is. He's a cheat. Accept it or move on. It sucks and what he's done is hurtful, but why sugarcoat it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 12:51 PM Flag
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A healthy marriage is all about good communication. This is your chance to practice great communication with him. When he gets home, present the condoms to him, take a deep, calming breath and say, "why the fuck do you have these condoms in your bag?". Then don't say anything. You'll know what's up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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Crazy wife! There are better ways to handle it. OP needs to calmly come up with a plan. How will she explain why she was looking in the bottom of his travel bag to begin with? She then needs to calmly state that she found them, discovered they are only sold in Germany. Remember that trip you took to Germany in August?.... And then she can watch him squirm. No profanity. No crazy. Just facts. Nothing but the facts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:33 PM Flag
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OR - maybe a bit crazy, but twenty years of marriage and we seem to be doing okay. I was somewhat joking - but not really. I think being direct and providing less details in this case is key. The more wiggle room giving, the more wiggling will occur. The only question that needs answering, IMO, is why do you have these condoms? Use of profanity optional. ;) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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She doesn't have to explain anything. She did not cheat. All women go through cell phones, bags and pockets. Fact of life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:49 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 10:14 PM Flag
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She doesn't need to explain, he does. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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Thanks for this, for the reassurance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:56 PM Flag
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Why would she have to explain anything? She is not hacking his email. It is a suitcase in their home that they share and are supposed to be acting married! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 09:06 PM Flag
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np: I completely disagree. op doesn't have to explain herself at all. The issue is what is up with the condoms, not why she was going through his bag. She needs to say as little as possible and then stop talking and hear his explanation. then decide if its believable and if it isn't, tell him why and decide what you are going to do a bout it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:40 PM Flag
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This. OP said she's borrowed travel bags from him before. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 06:13 PM Flag
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You both are right, I absolutely need to ask him. I just need to ask in the right way in order to get a straight-forward answer :-/ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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You will probably not get a straight-forward answer. At least not right away. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:49 PM Flag
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He's going to deny it. And then if you stay, he's going to know he can get away with it over a over. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Up to you to decide whether you want to stick it out or not. Sorry but btdt, and every df I've had who has btdt had it happen again. GL and sorry you're going through this. There are many guys out here who don't cheat and can and will be better than this to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 12:40 PM Flag
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Op here: that is what I am dreading. I highly doubt he will say "hey, I'm sorry I did this- x,y,z". I'm sure he'll say something like they were being given out, or his friends gave them to him. So how productive can this conversation be, really? I don't know if I should just go on the information that he had them in the first place. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 09:52 PM Flag
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Op here: that is what I am dreading. I highly doubt he will say "hey, I'm sorry I did this- x,y,z". I'm sure he'll say something like they were being given out, or his friends gave them to him. So how productive can this conversation be, really? I don't know if I should just go on the information that he had them in the first place. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 09:52 PM Flag
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Do you have a ring and a date? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:47 PM Flag
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Dr. Laura?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 09:38 PM Flag
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actually I heard it from Judge Judy. LOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.30.14, 12:13 AM Flag
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I'm so sorry, OP. I have a guy friend who did just this (a week before the wedding). He went on an out of country trip with the guys and he went crazy with hookers. He seemed like a nice, normal guy too, that was the strange thing. Never would have guessed it was coming. I bet your fiancé did something, but I also bet he is going to talk his way out of it. Any way you can look at his email? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 03:42 PM Flag
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OMG! Are all men horrible? How did the truth about this guy's trip come out???? This is so frightening, I want to just be single for my whole life! I don't think I can look at his email or anything, he has all of his stuff super password protected. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:17 PM Flag
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What about credit card statements? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:52 PM Flag
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The truth never came out. The now-wife doesn't know. I was dating an (ex, now, thank god) boyfriend at the time who was on the trip and told me. All the guys on the trip did it according to my ex. And he went through with the wedding the next week all lovey dovey and normal. Ruined the romance of weddings for me forever. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:47 PM Flag
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Shame on you for not telling her. You are just as bad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.15.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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He is probably a sex tourist and took a trip to the Reeperbahn with his buddies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:05 PM Flag
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No big deal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 07:50 PM Flag
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Women cheat too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:50 PM Flag
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Jesus. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 04:51 PM Flag
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I know someone with a similar story. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 05:44 PM Flag
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If she needs to invade his privacy by looking at his emails then trust is completely gone and she might as well throw in the towel now (btdt with an ex's voicemail back in the day). Just ask him about the condoms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 01.29.14, 06:42 PM Flag